99 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
From IRVINMJ@WSUVM1.bitnet Mon Aug 7 15:10:53 1989
|
||
From: IRVINMJ@WSUVM1.bitnet (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)
|
||
Subject: Collection of cute sayings.
|
||
|
||
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
|
||
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
|
||
A king's castle is his home.
|
||
A penny saved is ridiculous.
|
||
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
|
||
Ambition a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
|
||
Anarchy is better that no government at all.
|
||
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
|
||
As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
|
||
Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
|
||
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
|
||
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
|
||
Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
|
||
BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.
|
||
Computer hackers do it all night long.
|
||
Computer modelers simulate it first.
|
||
Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
|
||
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
|
||
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
|
||
Courage is your greatest present need.
|
||
CLEARASOL - Effective sunspot remover.
|
||
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
|
||
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
|
||
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
|
||
Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
|
||
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
|
||
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
|
||
Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
|
||
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
|
||
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
|
||
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
|
||
Familiarity breeds children.
|
||
God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
|
||
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
|
||
GAY ABANDON - Homosexual repellent perfume.
|
||
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
|
||
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
|
||
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
|
||
Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
|
||
History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
|
||
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
|
||
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
|
||
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
|
||
In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
|
||
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. Albert Einstein
|
||
It works better if you plug it in.
|
||
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
|
||
Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
|
||
KODACLONE - duplicating film.
|
||
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
|
||
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
|
||
Life's a bitch, then you die.
|
||
Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
|
||
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
|
||
MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
|
||
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
|
||
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
|
||
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
|
||
QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.
|
||
QUASIMOTO - 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
|
||
Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
|
||
Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
|
||
Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
|
||
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
|
||
SQWERTY - Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
|
||
SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
|
||
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
|
||
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
|
||
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
|
||
The road to to success is always under construction.
|
||
Those who can't write, write help files.
|
||
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
|
||
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
|
||
Today is the last day of your life so far.
|
||
TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.
|
||
Wasting time is an important part of life.
|
||
When all else fails, read the instructions.
|
||
When in doubt, don't bother.
|
||
Xerox does it again and again and again and...
|
||
XMODEM - A spot-marking transfer protocol.
|
||
YTERM - A terminal program for queries.
|
||
When in doubt, ignore it.
|
||
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
|
||
|
||
Acknowledge-To: <IRVINMJ@WSUVM1>
|
||
|
||
{ed Lots of people have such lists, but please don't all send them
|
||
in at once.}
|
||
--
|
||
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
|
||
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
|
||
|
||
Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
|
||
|
||
|