99 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
99 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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From IRVINMJ@WSUVM1.bitnet Mon Aug 7 15:10:53 1989
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From: IRVINMJ@WSUVM1.bitnet (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)
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Subject: Collection of cute sayings.
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A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
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A king's castle is his home.
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A penny saved is ridiculous.
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All that glitters has a high refractive index.
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Ambition a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
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Anarchy is better that no government at all.
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Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
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As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
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Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
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Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
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Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
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Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
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BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.
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Computer hackers do it all night long.
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Computer modelers simulate it first.
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Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
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Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
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Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
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Courage is your greatest present need.
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CLEARASOL - Effective sunspot remover.
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Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
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Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
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Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
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Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
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Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
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Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
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Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
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Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
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Entropy isn't what it used to be.
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Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
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Familiarity breeds children.
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God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
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Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
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GAY ABANDON - Homosexual repellent perfume.
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He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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Help support helpless victims of computer error.
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Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
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History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
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I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
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If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
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If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
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In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. Albert Einstein
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It works better if you plug it in.
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It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
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Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
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KODACLONE - duplicating film.
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Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
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Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
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Life's a bitch, then you die.
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Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
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Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
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MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
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Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
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Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
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QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.
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QUASIMOTO - 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
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Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
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Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
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Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
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Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
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SQWERTY - Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
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SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
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The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
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The road to to success is always under construction.
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Those who can't write, write help files.
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To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
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To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
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Today is the last day of your life so far.
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TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.
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Wasting time is an important part of life.
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When all else fails, read the instructions.
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When in doubt, don't bother.
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Xerox does it again and again and again and...
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XMODEM - A spot-marking transfer protocol.
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YTERM - A terminal program for queries.
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When in doubt, ignore it.
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I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
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Acknowledge-To: <IRVINMJ@WSUVM1>
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{ed Lots of people have such lists, but please don't all send them
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in at once.}
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
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