235 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
235 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
THIS IS A LIST OF THE LATEST BYU JOKES WRITTEN IN 40/80 COLLUMN FORMAT. THIS
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LIST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE RUNNING UTE AND FRIENDS. IF YOU FOR
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SOME REASON LIKE BYU, THEN I SUGGEST THAT YOU CHANGE THE NAME TO THE SCHOOL
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THAT YOU DESIRE. WELL HAVE FUN!!!
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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Q: Did you hear about the driver who swerved to avoid hitting a BYU coed?
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A: He ran out of gas.
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Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise?
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A: Jogging to the refrigerator.
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Q: What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
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A: Thanks for the refill, honey.
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Q: Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
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A: San Francisco had first choice.
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S: A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please." "Why don't you, then,"
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her friend asked. "I don't please anybody," she admitted.
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Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
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A: About five pounds.
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Q: How do you make up the difference?
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A: Force feed the elephant.
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Q: How does a BYU coed spell FARM?
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A: E-I-E-I-O.
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S: A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm.
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She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig
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answered, "I won her in a raffle."
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Q: Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
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A: Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.
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Q: What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
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A: Anything she wants.
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S: A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball. At midnight, when the
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hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I
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don't have one on!"
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Q: What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
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A: A paint roller.
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Q: What is the difference between a BYU coed and a Ferarri?
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A: Not everyone has been in a Ferarri.
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Q: Why do they call BYU coeds "Amazon"?
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A: Because they are wide at the mouth.
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Q: How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
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A: Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.
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Q: What do you call a good-looking girl on the BYU campus?
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A: A visitor.
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S: A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked,
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"Whose game?" "I am," she said.
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Q: Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
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A: She used the wrong kind of sponges.
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S: Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together. "What's a comet?" asked
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one. "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered. "Ho, I see,
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like Benji?"
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Q: Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
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A: "They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years
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before I was born."
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S: A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant. "Are they all
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for you?" asked the waitress. "No, two of my roommates are in the car
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with me."
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Q: What's prairie dog?
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A: A BYU coed from Kansas.
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S: BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.
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Q: What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
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A: 1230 North.
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Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
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A: About five degrees.
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Q: Why is a freezer better?
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A: You can defrost it.
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S: Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you.
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Q: Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
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A: The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.
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Q: What's the differnce between a BYU coed and a police car?
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A: It takes two police cars to create a roadblock.
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S: Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception. BYU coeds are
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exceptionally ugly.
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Q: How are BYU coeds like paint?
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A: Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.
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S: A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she
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told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.
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Q: Did you hear about the truckload of pigs that got loose on the BYU campus?
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A: They had to check I.D.s to reload the truck.
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Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
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A: The coed can hold more food.
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Q: Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
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A: Because two's a crowd.
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Q: What is the thinnest part of a BYU coed?
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A: The hair on her palms.
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S: Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the
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drive-in movie? They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."
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Q: Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
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A: So more coeds could sit in the stands.
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Q: Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying
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for her blood test?
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S: BYU coeds can be had for a song-- "The Wedding March."
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S: There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her
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face.
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Q: What's 36-24-32?
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A: A BYU coed's leg.
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S: It takes at least three BYU coeds to play hid-n-seek. One goes to hide
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and the other two try to figure out who left.
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Q: How do you tell a smart BYU coed?
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A: Her lips don't move when she reads to herself.
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S: One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the
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week she couldn't get her shoes on.
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S: BYU coeds have that far-away look. The farther away they get, the
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better they look.
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Q: How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
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A: She washed her mirror.
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Q: Did you hear about the lucky BYU coed who had a date every Friday night
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last semester?
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A: She kept them in her refrigerator so they'd stay fresh all semester long.
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Q: How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
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A: They both eat everything in sight.
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Q: Why did BYU Security raid a candle-passing in the girl's dorm?
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A: They thought they were breaking up a dope ring.
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Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
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A: Acme Tent & Awning.
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Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a rooster?
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A: Roosters say "cockadoodledo" but BYU coeds say "any dude'll do."
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Q: Why didn't the BYU coed use her water skis?
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A: She couldn't find a lake on a hill.
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S: Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks. Expecially the ones with the
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license plates on their charm bracelets.
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S: A BYU coed asked a store clerk, "Can I put this wallpaper on myself?"
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"Yes, but it will look better on the wall," he said.
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Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
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A: The Bay of Pigs.
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S: There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.
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Q: Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at
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University Mall for two housr during a power outage?
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Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
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A: Twelve BYU coeds.
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S: A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's
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temple?" She answered, "On the side of his head."
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S: Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?" She
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answered, "No. Look how many single girls there are at BYU."
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S: A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you
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somewhere before?" She replied, "Yes. I have been somewhere before."
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Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a palm tree?
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A: A palm tree has dates.
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Q: How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
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A: Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.
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Q: What's worse than being a BYU coed?
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A: Being behind one in a cafeteria line.
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S: If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.
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Q: How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
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A: Toss in a diamond ring.
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Q: How does a guy get them out again?
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A: Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.
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Q: Why do BYU coeds wear stripes?
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A: So you can tell if they're standing up or lying down.
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Q: Why do BYU coeds have such a terrible time in the morning?
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A: They're so fat they rock themselves to sleep trying to get up.
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Q: What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
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A: The mice jump up on chairs.
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Q: What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
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A: "BYU's Beauty Queens."
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Q: What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
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A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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S: "Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
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"No, I was too young."
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Q: What's BYU's answer to self-control on a date?
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