textfiles/humor/JOKES/byujokes.txt

THIS IS A LIST OF THE LATEST BYU JOKES WRITTEN IN 40/80 COLLUMN FORMAT.  THIS
LIST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE    RUNNING UTE AND FRIENDS.  IF YOU FOR
SOME REASON LIKE BYU, THEN I SUGGEST   THAT YOU CHANGE THE NAME TO THE SCHOOL
THAT YOU DESIRE.  WELL HAVE FUN!!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Q: Did you hear about the driver who swerved to avoid hitting a BYU coed?
A: He ran out of gas.

Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise?
A: Jogging to the refrigerator.

Q: What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill, honey.

Q: Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
A: San Francisco had first choice.

S: A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please."  "Why don't you, then,"
   her friend asked.  "I don't please anybody," she admitted.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
A: About five pounds.

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Force feed the elephant.

Q: How does a BYU coed spell FARM?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

S: A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm.
   She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig
   answered, "I won her in a raffle."

Q: Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
A: Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.

Q: What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
A: Anything she wants.

S: A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball.  At midnight, when the
   hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I
   don't have one on!"

Q: What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
A: A paint roller.

Q: What is the difference between a BYU coed and a Ferarri?
A: Not everyone has been in a Ferarri.

Q: Why do they call BYU coeds "Amazon"?
A: Because they are wide at the mouth.

Q: How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
A: Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.

Q: What do you call a good-looking girl on the BYU campus?
A: A visitor.

S: A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked,
   "Whose game?"  "I am," she said.

Q: Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
A: She used the wrong kind of sponges.

S: Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together.  "What's a comet?" asked
   one.  "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered.  "Ho, I see,
   like Benji?"

Q: Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
A: "They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years
    before I was born."

S: A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant.  "Are they all
   for you?" asked the waitress.  "No, two of my roommates are in the car
   with me."

Q: What's prairie dog?
A: A BYU coed from Kansas.

S: BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.

Q: What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
A: 1230 North.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
A: About five degrees.

Q: Why is a freezer better?
A: You can defrost it.

S: Never criticize a BYU coed's figure.  She might hold it against you.

Q: Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
A: The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.

Q: What's the differnce between a BYU coed and a police car?
A: It takes two police cars to create a roadblock.

S: Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception.  BYU coeds are
   exceptionally ugly.

Q: How are BYU coeds like paint?
A: Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.

S: A BYU coed went to the health center.  "I have a cold in my head," she
   told the nurse.  "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.

Q: Did you hear about the truckload of pigs that got loose on the BYU campus?
A: They had to check I.D.s to reload the truck.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
A: The coed can hold more food.

Q: Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
A: Because two's a crowd.

Q: What is the thinnest part of a BYU coed?
A: The hair on her palms.

S: Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the
   drive-in movie?  They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."

Q: Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
A: So more coeds could sit in the stands.

Q: Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying
   for her blood test?

S: BYU coeds can be had for a song-- "The Wedding March."

S: There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her
   face.

Q: What's 36-24-32?
A: A BYU coed's leg.

S: It takes at least three BYU coeds to play hid-n-seek.  One goes to hide
   and the other two try to figure out who left.

Q: How do you tell a smart BYU coed?
A: Her lips don't move when she reads to herself.

S: One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day.  By the end of the
   week she couldn't get her shoes on.

S: BYU coeds have that far-away look.  The farther away they get, the
   better they look.

Q: How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
A: She washed her mirror.

Q: Did you hear about the lucky BYU coed who had a date every Friday night
   last semester?
A: She kept them in her refrigerator so they'd stay fresh all semester long.

Q: How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
A: They both eat everything in sight.

Q: Why did BYU Security raid a candle-passing in the girl's dorm?
A: They thought they were breaking up a dope ring.

Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
A: Acme Tent & Awning.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a rooster?
A: Roosters say "cockadoodledo" but BYU coeds say "any dude'll do."

Q: Why didn't the BYU coed use her water skis?
A: She couldn't find a lake on a hill.

S: Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks.  Expecially the ones with the
   license plates on their charm bracelets.

S: A BYU coed asked a store clerk, "Can I put this wallpaper on myself?"
   "Yes, but it will look better on the wall," he said.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
A: The Bay of Pigs.

S: There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.

Q: Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at
   University Mall for two housr during a power outage?

Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
A: Twelve BYU coeds.

S: A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's
   temple?"  She answered, "On the side of his head."

S: Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?"  She
   answered, "No.  Look how many single girls there are at BYU."

S: A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you
   somewhere before?"  She replied, "Yes.  I have been somewhere before."

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a palm tree?
A: A palm tree has dates.

Q: How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
A: Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.

Q: What's worse than being a BYU coed?
A: Being behind one in a cafeteria line.

S: If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.

Q: How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
A: Toss in a diamond ring.

Q: How does a guy get them out again?
A: Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.

Q: Why do BYU coeds wear stripes?
A: So you can tell if they're standing up or lying down.

Q: Why do BYU coeds have such a terrible time in the morning?
A: They're so fat they rock themselves to sleep trying to get up.

Q: What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
A: The mice jump up on chairs.

Q: What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
A: "BYU's Beauty Queens."

Q: What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
A: Nothing.  There are some things a pig won't do.

S: "Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
   "No, I was too young."

Q: What's BYU's answer to self-control on a date?
A: Take the sack off th<00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00><EFBFBD><00><><00>