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1 line
14 KiB
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This was written during the entire experience. Names have been changed
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for good measure... :)
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[Post-trip comments are in brackets, like this sentence]
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May 16, 1994
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6:01pm Began ingesting 1.53 grams dried mixed with 1 can of tuna.
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Ick! sand! [ Wash off better next time before drying]
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Chewing pretty well.. would do better but the sand is annoying
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Getting OJ to wash everything down with...
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Put some Yes on, and finding a ds9 episode to watch.
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6:14 Completed ingestion. Watching ds9.
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Or not. recorded it wrong.
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Drank a glass of OJ.
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Put rock climbing on instead ;-)
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6:20 Maybe +1. A couple alerts. Chill. Bzzt on left eye. A little
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body effect.
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6:25 A little buzzing in ears... some body energy perhaps.
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6:28 Unignorable effect... buzzing, heavy limbs arms seem kinda
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long... neat! Feeling some more body energy.. like restlessness....
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6:32 Massive energy.... really rushy actually.
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Realized I don't have to write EVERYTHING into here. this is
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just a little log... I can go anywhere or do whatever, and it
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won't show in this record....!
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6:38 Played with the flashlight for a little while.
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We're here! Seriously +2!!!!!
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Fairly equivalent to HI... i think... but not sure.
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Still seems to be building.
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6:41 Urge to take a walk. Some nausea. But really zinging, all in all!
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6:46 Wouldn't even thnk of driving at this point... thoughths are
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lucoi but there is so much more stuff interesting than this
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need to type....
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6:49 Can't beleive how much energy,. neat idea for an sf story...
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drug which makes the safety curcuit in your head go... so you
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can get into infinite loops!!!
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SO MUCH ENERGY.... A little interested in open eye visuals but
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can't get them going CEVs are somewhat interesting...pink and
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white brain coral things...
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Called M and K.
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(Post Call)
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Okay to talk to but things are really moving faster and faster
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right now... arms seems a zillion miles away. the keyboard is
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so amazingly small, this is cool!
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I wonder if my blood pressure is up, cuz I can see things
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popping out on my hands a bit... interesting... should realy
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have medical equipment so SOMEONE can figure out what this
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does to your body... mind you, right now I don't mind what's
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going on. But I can imagine being in a state where I WOULD!
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7:12 ENERGY CITY!
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Standing is fucking hilarious! I keep over amping my
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motions.... like overcorrecting would casue a fall... this is
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REALLY COOL.
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7:28 +3!!!!! It's too much to do to keep typing!
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7:44 Music is wonderful.. the energy is a pleasant if a little
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demanding. The urge to let the mind wander into all sorts of
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interesting places tends to be very strong but the urge to
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write everythng down so I can look at it while I am striaght.
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Also overwhelms I am aware of all the viens in my hands and
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the speed with which I am tyyping is terribly intersting...
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the veins are really wierd...
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But the music and everything is the GREATEST... plus the
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tenetion in my arms from the awkard way I am writing.
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7:55 I can see how this can be overwhelming.. the energy is
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amazing.. you just have to let it go, and hang with
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evetything.... it's so pleasant. but you can't force it ...
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just hang tight and enjoy the RIDE!!!!! wow.
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[ Ate a chocolate truffle... Was very sensual. Drank some water.
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Wandered around, petted the cat, etc. ]
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8:34 REVELATION! I have many many expectations and aways of
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looking at people which express the inherent negativity of the
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situation. But, why don't I look at things instead with an air
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of HOW MUCH THEIR CURENT SITUATION IS VIEWED BY THEM AS
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PSOSITIVE.... AND PERHAPS BY LOOKING AT THINGS FROM THE
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"THINGS ARE FINE" PERSPECTIVE, I CAN GET SOME INSIGHT INTO HOW
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I MIGHT DIRECT MY OWN LIFE TOAWARD A SIT
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Stop epecting everyone to share your perspectoive of how
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miserable their existance is. Nah. its not that dramatic... but I
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have a flair for the bold... huh. way from this... look at how
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other perceive things as positive,... and stop epecting
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everyone to share your perspectoive of how miserable their
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existance is. Nah. its not that dramatic.,.. but I have a flair
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for the bold... huh.
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8:37 Typing this is SOOOOOOO neat I can disconnect my mind fro the
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method of expression which is the words coming out of the
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fingers on the ends of my hands... I wonder if what am typing
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makes any sense?
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wowowowowowowow
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[ I think I typed straight for about 20 minutes at this point. ]
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Must try to recod some of this.
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My face in the mirror.
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My hands RIGHT NOW!
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The warmth of the notebook on my lap. the focus and every with which I
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interract with everything I wish I knew this keyboard better because it is a
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limited way to express myself because I know I am not hitting the correct keys
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all of the time. Howver, I am getting better, I beleive with every passing
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second. I know I am working harder to hit the corect keys, and it seems easier
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than before to do the right thing and let my hands wander over the keys but how
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to harness this kind of energy... not really any way... its just something you
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can experience. but then you have to let it go. Intersting as hell. So many
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inhibitions completely gone. I can type this and know I WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK AT
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IT LATER... BUT PARTS OF MY BRAIN ARE WATCHING THE REST OF THE WORD (Damn!) Or
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rather, are watching what I am doing instead of just GOING with it....
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there's always this 'EGO' observer of what you are doing and making sure it's
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okay. Somehow part of that is somewhat disconnected when I type like
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this because I can just let everything go and keep things going...
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the hands are now the observer recording wherever my mind is (just
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closd my eyes) however the world pulsates... a fish swimming..
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silver... angles jumpsuit THIS IS SO FUNNY TO REREAD EVEN NOW!!!!!!!
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heheheheh! it will be nice to rest thgouh.. the effort that must come
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into taking an LSD trip where you are on the road for HOURS AND
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HOURS. I am somewhat exhausted by all this... but it's ok. The
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lightening outside is VERY surreal... the light from the notebook
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demands attention but the outside clouds swarm by the two trees
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(I couldn't write this way straight, because I wouldn't be able to
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suitably let go of that ego thing I WAS THINKING ABOUT EARLIER.)
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NOTE THAT MY TYPING IS MORE OR LESS EXACTLY IN SP(AJHGRGHRG!) [I
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mistyped and was annoyed, I think. Speed?] with my thoughts.
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I can slow down or I can type fast. There is a need to be fast becaise
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I know this state won't be here forever... but there might be
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something to bring back with the looking at things positively
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thing... It's amazing tht I can make my hands be this disconnected
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organ capable of typing whwtaever I send at them... never protesting
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but knowing when things are a litle too much and
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de,amdmg tjay tjeu ne et slow down so tjeu cam ne accirate agaom
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[demanding that ??? slow down so they can be accurate again]
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Wow.
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Not accurate at all. Much easier with the eyes open. This will be so
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STUPID to read later... but its fun right now... which IS the point, isn't
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it? WHO DO I expect to judge me? Or do I judge myself,.. this is
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silly... but this is getting at something important I think I am
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understanding this whole trip thing now... it really lets you look at
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things in a straightforward way,... the music is fine... but the
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ability to type and to reflect on what is being thought is
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FACINATING!.................. I can't abstract too much. I feel this
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need to type evething.
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If I ERASED THISS I WOULD NEVER KNOW WHAT I WROTE!!! But, would I even
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remember that I had wanted to rease it. This ability to type is cool
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cool its just so connected and tight just typing away while
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everything in the world fors on my[roars on by?]... I can keep my head
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on several different levels at the same time! Do I do this all the
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time? Do I always hear the music, look at the window, see the
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lgithing, focus on what I am doign, type and write? This is like a
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catharsis thing?!! Everything just pooring out.
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I mustn't erase. But that's just a weird "going home"
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craving. I've THGOUHT these things, but I can get them on paper(ish)
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now. This is pretty amazing. And there is NO FEAR that what I took is
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something besides what I think it is.... CUZ I grew it! I made it! My
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work my time my effort... this need to share is ammzing... the cat ...
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where is she...
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(I am aware that I am rambling. I AM aware that things are going
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VERY VERY fast, and that I'm doing the stream of conciousness thing.
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Abstract appropriately... I'm aware that I'm aware and so forth.)
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I want to share this. Must erase that bit. heh. This will be
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interesting later. I know what it was, but the rest of you won't. I
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can't really even tell you that.
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I keep typing because this will be so am(saved)azing to read later. But its
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tiresome to type, but the recordning is just part of this
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experience... other experiences will be different (ITs getting dark
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now) Do we always have this much going on in our hgeads... awareness
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of the windows my feet the time te [the?] my OWN awareness? I wish I
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could type better than I do so that others who read this will be able
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to see the thoughts which are, I'm afraid, rather crystal clear at
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this point.
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BUT so effing much! So many levels. Must keep all this under control
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most of the time! but not right now. Just me and this fucking
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typewriter. If you'd only seen all the silly images I've been parading
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And we can't possibly forget the face in the mirror. Mine, but much
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DIFFERENT!
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WOW.
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Can I show this to anyhene? A measure of how close we are I think? But
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thatthought first came wihout reproach, and now it comes with a more
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"is this a good thing to say standpoint"... the ego thing! (I hate
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typing h's I won't type tem any more becasue I always it te wrong
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goddam key tis is fun! No fucking letters I can't say! Damn I am
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estatic h(oops!)ere! Tius is great hhhhhhh (see its not
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gone, just more fun not to. Why this stupid paranoia? it is
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odd
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that this is going on so long.. I took the shroms at 6pmn. Its now
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8:54. How much longer?
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It's okay.. but I can see how the wrong UNSAFE setting could make you
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crazy. I KNOW KNOW KNOW what's going on, so I'm (dont foget what you
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thought before) I know this is neat; I know this will look silly...
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but I can explore my thoughts clearly..or is that something I READ?
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OH I DON'T KNOW ... BUT ITS THE WAY THINGS ARE right now..........
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stop. breath. this i(knee) can't get everything down right... hsi
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vcsant [this can't?] type fast enough.. this is VERY PRIVATE... but
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amazing. can see my thoughts... look at each one. WHY MUST I express
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why this is good?
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Its not the destination, its the FUCKING OBVIOUSLY JOURNEY THATS important!
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It's what's going on NOW NOW NOW NOW
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Selfish... interested. amazing.
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8:57 [still typing away]
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No time sense.... I'm listening (ENERGY TREMORS WITH THE thoughts...)
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BEAUTIFUL EVERYTHING
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WOW. WHAT will this look like.
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Always the watcher making sure what I say is OK.... can i even HOPE to
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let that go?>
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Who can I share this qith?
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SUE? Ken? It would be too different. [I recall I was referring to
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mushrooms, not to this document in this sentance.]
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I (could) CLIMB this way... but it wouldn't be safe. Oh to do it safely
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though... wow.
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Such a big part of my life.
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I'm a little afraid to bring up people- to be judged. But that's the
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way it is.
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(the observer watches me type out of order, and keeps a note.) Wow. You could
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beleive yourself insane here... but this is just a way of looking at the way
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your head always goes about its li
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(private again, sorry.)
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NO! I'm sharing too much THIS IS AMAIZNG... I AM SO AWARE OF what's
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on the surface and what is below.
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Wow.
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Mustn't type further... can only share this with someone who is here
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with me. h Sorry, folks... more energy than I can do to keep writing
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(901 the observer says!) (feet tickle too!) fighting little bits of my
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personality.. each one demanding to be [the n let] [the next?] to
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talk....
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Enouh.
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Save it and go.
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DARK darK dark
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If you ever thought stream of conciousness was cool... it don't hold a
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CANDLE to this... wow.
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(Observer notes tickle left toe, things I won't discusss.)
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Ah. Someone wants to go, someone wants to hang here.
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COPELAND! I *****%&% myust know what's going on inside someone else
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head! This is a bring home idea! WHAT do you R e a l l y think?
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(Where will you lie, as, um John Anderson seems to be singing)
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too much
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too much!
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so much but its good I can just roll with it I
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9:03 [still writing]
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SEEMS LIKE IVE BEEN RAMBING FOR AGES...
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THE BIT WITH THE LETTER uh (oops) o I can't type it again. Tis will be
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SOSOSOSOSO funny to read later (LAUGTER TE OBSERVER NOTES). (ALMOST IT AN !!!)
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Cras test dummies on now. I can tink it, see it, but its so muc fun not to use
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sentances i know include a dreaded letter!
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I CANT EXPRESS LAUGTER WITOUT IT :):) :):) I GUESS I CAN.
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9:05 says the observer.
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(The thought)
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How will I explain all tis to but I tink I will let oters try it first,
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before tey can see were it puts you. (I can type h, I'm just not doing
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it right now... laugHter mucH Humor!) (WATERING EYES AND STUFF notes
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the observer. who doesn't like the goddam caps lock key, as I've
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mentioned.)
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Must post this. Facinating. other people's head might understand it...
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I know *I* do...
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So this is why Abbie and co. thought it might be good to understand
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psychosis..? nah. It's just another way of expresing being. True
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insanity couldn't multiply 6 by (HHHHH!!!) 9. = 54. And the act of
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multiplying or thinking is diferent from the method of expression.
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Keep it to myself, thinks the obsever.
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"This is a fine place" says Geddy.. (Counterparts... ah yes to yes $#5 #5!)
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Recap. What to bring home!
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The observer. (trip is SO accurate!)
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Positive perspective, vs. negative expections of how I think evferyone else
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must perceive things... I think "Blah", so so must they!
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J.S. must've done this. :-)
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OOOPS! mentioned a person. MAKES IT PRIVATE, HUH!
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[M calls at this point. Long talk about many many things.]
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h Humph.
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Much more slowed down now after an hour and a half talk with M&K. very
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fascinating experience all in all. I wasn't really prepared for the
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?profoundness? of it all...
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Enough for now., I think I'm getting tired.
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10:43 REREAD EVEYTHING. interestng. way fascinating.
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[Went to sleep at about 11:30. A little tough to relax at first, then
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drifted off into a solid sleep. Woke feeling a bit groggy at 7am. No
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problems doing a good workout, but a little draggy today.]
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