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8.6 KiB
Plaintext
1 line
8.6 KiB
Plaintext
Following the lead of other supernauts on Paranoia, I decided to keep a
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journal of what happened to me the first time I dropped acid.
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11-8-95
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12:16 A.M.
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After much indecision, hand wringing, and mental 'should I, shouldn't
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I' games, I decided to dose. I did it in the hallway outside my dorm room.
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I was on the way back from the laundry room, having done a favor for my
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girlfriend, when I decided, 'fuck it' and dropped. White Blotter, no
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design. S and R both said it was good, and they know what they are
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talking about.
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{Quotes from journal}
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'Feeling very excited and nervous, excited because I can't wait to
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see what is out there (why does acid take so long to kick in?) and
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nervous since I am the only one dropping, and what if I don't *like*
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what's out there after all?
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'at least it's not cold tonight, N says that the most essential
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thing for any hallucinatory experience is a strong pair of boots, a heavy
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sweater, and a backpack with water and clean socks. Since he's eaten his
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weight in mushrooms, I take his advice and put some things together.
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nervousness dissappearing, being replaced by an excited sense of
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waiting. I decide to go read FAQ's and trip stories one more time. But
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it's like they say, reading about an apple and biting into one are
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totally different things.
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'I decide to turn the computer on, in case I forget how. {I had
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been writing this out by hand}
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My mindset-Mild nervousness, very excited about what is to come,
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the way
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you felt when you were 5 years old and were about to embark on what
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seemed like the greatest journey of your life.
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12:30 A.M.
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I'm trying too hard to feel effects that aren't there yet. Decide to go
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check laundry. Put on Pink Floyd. Darkside. T, my girlfriend, is asleep
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in bed behind me, as I sit in my chair and scribble like a madman. It
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kills me. I light two 18' candles. Still waiting, just waiting.
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12:33 A.M.
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K came in, and asked me what was going on. I told him I had just dropped
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acid. Looking surprised, he told me to get him when it kicked in. {K is
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dropping for the first time on Friday.}
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12:41 A.M.
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Looking at computer screen, became mesmerized by candle reflection.
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Perhaps still trying too hard. T's asleep. She needs it. Should be
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hitting soon!!!!!!!!!
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12:42 A.M.
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I am sooo impatient. I want this trip to start, but it's not. (wait...)
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12:54 A.M.
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Remember T's laundry and see to it. 'us and them' on the cd player.
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1:03 A.M.
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damn it shoulda kicked in by now. Maybe it was bunk?
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1:06 A.M.
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Ok...nothing cool has happened yet.
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1:11 A.M.
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Why am I not feeling anything?
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1:17 A.M.
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{almost exactly one hour after ingestion}
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Realized, after staring at Acid Warp {screen saver} for 6 minutes, that I am
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starting to
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feel something. Perceptions are definitely askew. I haven't left the
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real world, but I feel like I'm being tilted to the plane of reality. I
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think I knew too much, read too much, before I took acid. I was full of
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so many expectations and desires, that I had created in my mind what it
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wold be like, even before I took it. It's like the Zen story about
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'emptying your cup'. YOu have to lose all your expectations and
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preconceived notions about what it will be like. Well, there is no way to
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tell
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what it will be like for you. Every individual is different, and so the
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reactions to LSD will vary. It's different for everyone.
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The world is definitely 'different.' Decide to go check
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laundry. Still not dry. Decide to go look for things to do.
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1:27 A.M.
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Just freaked myself out by staring at my face in the bathroom mirror.
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It was pretty scary. My face morphed into a were-wolf leopard thing.
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Totally twisted. Then I brought out my mental light saber and stopped
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that particular hallucination. All I have to say is, _Star Wars_ relates
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to absolutely everything. {more on that later}
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T looks so beautiful and peacefully asleep on my bed, she lies
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breathing soft and steady and I want her...but she needs to sleep. I
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know she needs to sleep so I offer her sleep instead of pleasure. God
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how can I say things like that. she takes sleep whether I offer it to
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her or not. I'm not this magnanimous, patronizing figure that I like to
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make myself out to be.
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Depth perception getting really strange. Going to find social
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interaction, if I can peel myself from the computer coccoon I have
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created for myself.
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1:56 A.M.
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Found W and R, and they are going with me to 7-11. Actually they are
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taking me along with them, as they were going anyway. Upstairs to get my
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stuff and enter this.
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Perceptions altered but having a really really really good time. Maybe I
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have this good of a time all the time, but the simple action of me
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putting the blotter on my tongue allowed me to realize it??? Just a
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symbol of removing all obstructions to enjoying life? Is this acid
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simply 'John's new clothes' so to speak? 'But,' cried the little child,
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'he hasn't go any clothes on at all.' eheheheeeeee!!!
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Are hallucinations merely the chemical removal of barriers blocking our
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sensory apparatus? That is to say, are the things we see on LSD always
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there, in our minds, and the drug lets us see them, or are they created
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by the drug itself? This seems like a totally valid question to me at
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this point, exactly 2 am.
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2:45 A.M.
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A lot of shit happened. Went to sev. Oh god was it really only 45
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minutes ago? The walls started to breathe...The hallway outside is
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lightyears away ahahahahaaaaaaa and it all contains *so* *much* meaning.
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hehehehe
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I am just chuckling for no reason.
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what?
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Let me have some of that water.
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Refill it then.
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thanks.
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I just realized I can't talk.
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I have to communicate to T via the computer. She's looking at me like
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I've lost my mind, which, from an objective stance, is completely
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understandable.
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i can laugh, but I have to communicate all my thoughts to T on screen,
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I'm serious.
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Here, start from the beginning. Is that how you spell that?
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{overcame apahsia and started talking again :) }
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2:49 A.M.
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T really thinks I am losing it, and of course to her I am, but to me
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it is incredibly natural that all events unfold this way, that things
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happen the way they do...
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Sev was a new experience. It was bursting with sounds and smells
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and colors and lights...I remember taking a bag of Potato Chips, marked
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in big red letters '4 ounces for .99' up to R, and remarking in a loud
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voice, 'how cool would it be if this bag didn't actually have weed in it
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at all?' I knew of course that it was full of potato chips, but i just
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started laughing.
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4:00 A.M.
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Wow. Laying in my bed with T, objects on my desk seemed to grow and
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shrink. My computer and candles seemed at one moment tiny then the next
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were over 30 feet high. I swear to god that I have a huge monitor heheheeee
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Man I'm having a great time.
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Talk to T all night. Realize all sorts of wonderful things, most too
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private to share.
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Eat some pop tarts that I bought at sev. The little sugar crystals
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glittered so perfectly that it broke my heart to take a bite of the
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toaster pastry.
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Decided never to eat sausage again. I saw little green dots crawling all
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over a summer sausage I found in my pocket. Gave it to W. He ate it.
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Spent a long time in the bathroom, trying to figure out what color the
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floor *really* was. T told me it was white. I said, 'but It can't be
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white.' very trippy.
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Oh yeah. Sex on acid. Pretty cool, but I bet it's cooler if you both are
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frying. it's unlike sex on weed, or sex sober. like I've said, very trippy.
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Acid kicks ass, but I don't think I can handle this more than once a month.
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heeheh 'My monthly period is a microdot' heheheheh I made that up. Shold
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go in the hemp 100 in _High Times_ hehehehhehe
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7:00 am
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Coming down. Had a GREAT TIME. can't wait to try it in a group of friends.
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Oh yeah, more on _Star Wars_.
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My trip started to go bad twice. The first time was when I
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wigged my skull by looking at my face for too long. the second was when
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I saw T's face start to decay. { I thought she was angry with me, nd
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these negative feelings manifested themselves as decay} Both times, I
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was able to exert my will and pull the trip back in line. When Luke asks
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old Ben if the Force controls your actions, Ben says yes, but that it
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also obeys your commands. LSD, to me {so far...} is like that. I
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*don't* *want* to have to use my will during a trip, much like a Jedi
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master not wanting to use his lightsaber unless he has too. But if you
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need it, it's there...Just use the force.
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*******
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Well, that's my first trip. it's now 3:31 pm. I went to class at 11,
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lunch, and spent the afternoon typing this.
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Feeling a bit tired, but great. Well, thanks for reading.
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A very good experience, all in all.
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John
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