97 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
---------------------------------------
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:+=+---------------------+=+:
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:+=+-K-MART III-FOR THE: +=+:
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:+=+-----UNCRUPULOUS-----+=+:
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:+=BY TORQA DUN/DATA GEN.+=+:
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:+=+---------------------+=+:
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He stands atop a lonely hillside, the cold biting at his skin as the chill
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wind whips through his hair, setting it off in a menagerie of disarray. He
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surveys the scene..the ominous structure ahead of him, forbidding and clammy
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steel. With the battle cry of "Remember Split Infinity!" he bounds doen the
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hill, over dusk and rock until he stands before the object of his nightmares,
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K-Mart. Not wasting any time, he strides to the doors and flings them open
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with an air of aristocracy. He is met by a cold blast of stale air as he gapes
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in awe at the vast array of "kwalitee" merchandice for the throngs of people to
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buy. He laughs inwardly and ignores the youth group leader begging for
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contributions at the door. Knowing exactly what he is doing, he heads to the
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back of the store. He has used the covented techniques before but now he is
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ready to go beyond. He is ready to cause utter havoc. Finding no one manning
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the defunct "Pet section" our hero access the "page" fone option and says
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"ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS..FOR THE NEXT TWO MINUTES, ALL THE MERCHANDISE YOU
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CAN CARRY, HAUL, DRAG, OR LIFT TO CHECKOUT IS 80% OFF!" Then vacates the area
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and watches the commotion as the throngs of greasers lug refrigerators, tv's,
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appliances and even whole kitchen ensembles to checkout in a mad rush to buy as
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the K-Mart people run here and there trying to no avail to restore order. With
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the general populous caught up in that commotion, he goes to the "toiletries"
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department and takes a bottle of "PRELL" from the shelf. He feels a moment of
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guilt flash through him but that is swept aside by the years of training he has
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had. Opening the bottle he writes "MATT ACKERET DOES IT WITH FIRE HYDRANTS" or
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something of the sort. "Oh my!" he thinks, my bottle is 1/2 empty! well,
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remeding that, he opens it and proceeds to piss in it and shakes it up,
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replaces it on the counter, and does this to 5 more. "That was lucky" he
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thinks as he heads to the kwalitee K-Mart TV department. When this place is
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devoid of life, he turns the tv's all off and all to different stations, with
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volume jacked up to 10 and reatreats. The kwalitee K-Mart compyooter dept.
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has more fun for our hero.. the demo's can be easily rigged to give quite a
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shock, our valiant vigilante thinks as he unplugs the VIC-20 sitting there and
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wets down the plug. He heads off to the Sporting Goods department to find even
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more laughs awating him to the dismay of K-Mart employees. Wow! a K-Mart test
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finger bowling ball! golly! He then proceeds to bowl over that little old
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lady down the aisle (very sneakily, of course) or/and her basket of kwalitee
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merchandise. Fishing rods you say?? He strides to the waiting poles (ick!)
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and easily attaches the fly at the end to that EVERLAST punching bag over in
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the corner. Replacing it in the rack and doing this to twelve others, our hero
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has now rigged up the ultimate net-trap for the unsuspecting greaser. Shufflig
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off to the foodstuff department our protaganist opens the bags of waiting
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goodies and munches down, replacing the half-eaten bag with greatest caution.
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Soon the entire shelf is a litter of Dorit-os, Frit-os, Tostit-os, mini
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Burrit-os and all the other "o's" you might want.. Lingerie time.. thinks our
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anarchistic friend. He trots off to the kwalitee lingerie dept.. Whipping out
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his MAGIK-MARKER(C) he makes little smiley-faces over all the crotches (sorry
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ladies) of the panties..
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illustration..
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* *
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_
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!_____!
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and a fone number of an arch-enemy...
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Well, it is about time to leave but before he goes he makes one last trip to
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the page fone and says "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS, THERE ARE BLUE-LIGHT(YAY)
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SPECIALS IN THE KWALITEE K-MART SHOE, BATHROBE, KITCHEN APPLIANCE, TV, STEREO,
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LINGERIE, FOODSTUFF, COMPUTER, AND SHAMPOO DEPATMENTS..."
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In the commotion of the greasers runnin g this way and that to get at these
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precious items our wonderful guy slips out the back door and into the parking
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lot as the TV's go blaring and the guy plugs in the compuer....
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*** ***** ***** ** **
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* * * * * * * * * *
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* * * * * * * *** *
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* ** * * * * * * *
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* * * * * * * * *
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* * * * * * * * *
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*** ***** ***** * * *
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===================================
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And what does our hereo see but.. a pay fone!
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coming next:PRANK CALLING WITH FINESSE.
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THANX:
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THE DAREDEVIL
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--- ---------
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THE WARLORD
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--- -------
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LED ZEPP
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--- ----
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THE SURGE
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--- -----
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---------------------------------------
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