58 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
58 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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How to kill a South Dakota Eel
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Donated by: Optomist Prime
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Little Johnny was twelve years old and like other boys his age, rather
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curious. He has been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he
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wondered how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother who
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become rather flustered. Instead of explaining Johnny, she told him to hide
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behind the curtains and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
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The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.
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"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off both of
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the lights and he started kissing and hugging her. I figure Sis must be
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getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so
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too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like a
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doctor would expect. He's not as smart as a doctor, because he seemed to have
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trouble finding her heart.
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I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started
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panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting
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cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time, Sis got worse and
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began to moan and sigh and skirm around and slide down to the end of the couch.
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This is when the fever started. I know it was a fever because Sis told him she
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was really hot.
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Finally I found out what was making him sick. A big eel had gotten inside of
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him somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, ten inches long.
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HONEST!!! Anyway, he grabbed in one hand to keep it from getting away. When
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Sis saw it, she really got scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open
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and she started calling out to god, and stuff like that. Anyway, Sis got brave
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and tried to kill the eel by biting his head off. All of a sudden she made a
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noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back...
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Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle
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out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head, to keep it from biting
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again.
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Sis lay back and spread her legs, so she could get a scissor lock on it and
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he helped by laying on top with the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight.
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Sis started groaning and squealing, and her boyfriend almost upset the couch.
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I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.
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After a while, they both quit moving and gave a sigh. Her boyfriend got up
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and sure enough they had killed the eel. I know it was dead because it just
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hung limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were
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a little tired from the battle but they went back to courting anyways. He
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started hugging and kissing her again, and by golly, the eel wasn't dead. He
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jumped straight up and started fighting again. I guess eels are like cats,
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they have nine lives or something.
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This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a
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35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead this time
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because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel the skin off it and flush it down the
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toilet!"
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THE END
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