143 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
143 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
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: THE LAYMAN'S GUIDE :
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: TO :
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: :
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: FEDERAL AGENCIES :
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: :
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CIA: STANDS FOR CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY. THIS GROUP IS
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RESPONSIBLE FOR INTERNATIONAL INTELLIGENCE GATHERING,
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AS WELL AS THE SPREAD OF DEMOCRACY, NOT TO FORCE IT
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DOWN THEIR THROATS...
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (703) 351-1000
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NEW YORK CITY (212) 755-0027
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CHICAGO (312) 353-2980
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LOS ANGELOS (213) 622-6875
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BOSTON (617) 354-5965
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MIAMI (305) 445-3658
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HOUSTON (713) 229-2739
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ST. LOUIS (314) 621-6902
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DON'T ASK ME WHAT THEY NEED OFFICES IN THE U.S. FOR...
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DOD: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE THESE ARE THE BOYS WHO
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RENT OFFICE SPACE IN THE PENTAGON... THEY ARE THE
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ARMED FORCES, HERE TO PROTECT US FROM THE VILE ARMIES
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OF OTHER NATIONS...
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PENTAGON (202) 545-6700
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DARPA: STANDS FOR DEFENSE ADVANCED RESEARCH PROJECTS AGENCY.
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THESE ARE THE BOYS WHO MAKE WEAPONS FOR THE
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MILITARY. THEY ARE VERY UP ON PARTICLE BEAM
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WEAPONS, LASERS, MISSLE TRACKING, AND EVEN
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BIOCYBERNETICS (THE DIRECT INTERFACING OF MAN AND
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MACHINE-IMAGING HACKING AS FAST AS YOU CAN THINK
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ABOUT IT... THIS HAS POTENTIAL).
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ARLINGTON, VA (202) 694-3007
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NSA: STANDS FOR NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY. THESE ARE THE
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BRAIN BOYS, THE THINK TANKS FOR THE THE MILITARY. IF
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YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES, THESE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO
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SHOULD BE STARRING. THEY ARE THE GOVT. COMP. AND
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TELECOM EXPERTS.
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SOMEWHERE IN MARYLAND (301) 688-6311
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DOJ: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE THIS IS THE COURT
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SYSTEM, HOWEVER I DO NOT AGREE WITH THEIR IDEA OF
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JUSTICE (WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM A MAN WHO THINKS G.
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GORDON LIDDY IS COOL?).
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 633-2000
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FBI: STANDS FOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS. THESE ARE
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THE NOSY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO BUST IN DOORS.
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BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MOST OF THEM KNOW NOTHING ABOUT
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WHAT THEY DO SINCE THEIR COLLEGE DEGREES ARE IN
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ECONOMICS AND ACCOUNTING AND THE LIKE. FRANKLY, THESE
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GUYS DON'T SCARE ME... THEY ARE PRETTY DUMB, AND ARE
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TOTALLY OUT OF THEIR CLASS WHEN IT COMES TO COMPUTERS.
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 324-3000
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(A SIDE NOTE: LOOK AT A TOUCH TONE PAD. 324 EITHER SPELLS
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'FBI' OR 'FAG'. I WONDER IF SOMEONE IN THE
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TELCO HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR?)
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DEA: STANDS FOR DRUG ENFORCEMENT AGENCY. IF YOU WAKE UP ONE
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MORNING AND THERE IS SOMEONE DIGGING IN YOUR 'GARDEN'
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IT IS THEM. THEY DON'T LIKE YOU TO ENJOY YOURSELF, OR
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ENGAGE IN A LITTLE RECREATIONAL SOARING...
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 633-1249
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DOS: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF STATE. WHEN YOU HACK THE
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RUSSIAN COMPUTER, THEY AREN'T PLEASED, ONE OF TWO
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GROUPS WILL KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR. THE TELCO OR THE
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STATE DEPARTMENT. THE KGB IS A GROUP OF GUYS WHO ARE
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VERY GOOD LIARS AND VERY GOOD AT READING PEOPLE. THEY
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KEEP WATCH FROM THE EMBASSY...
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 655-4000
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DOT: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF TREASURY. THROW AWAY THE COLOR
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XEROX MACHIN WHEN THESE PEOPLE KNOCK, SINCE THEY DON'T
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LIKE YOU PASSING BAD BILLS. THEY KEEP TRACK AND PRINT
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ALL THE MONEY IN THE COUNTRY (EXCEPT FOR A FEW FRIENDS
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OF MINE WHO...)
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 566-2000
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SS: STANDS FOR SECRET SERVICE. FOR THE MOST PART, THE
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SECRET SERVICE PROTECTS THE PRESIDENT (THAT'S WHY WE
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HAVE LOST A FEW), GRABS COUNTERFEITERS, AND USED TO
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BUST MOBSTERS.
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 535-5708
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(NOTE: DO THE INITIALS 'SS' MEAN MUCH TO THOSE OF YOU UP ON
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THE NAZIS????)
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ATF: STANDS FOR BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND FIREARMS.
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FRANKLY, I COULD DO WITHOUT THESE DO-GOODERS. THEY
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ENFORCE ALL LAWS PERTAINING TO ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND
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FIREARMS (IF IT WASN'T OBVIOUS).
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 566-7511
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IRS: STANDS FOR INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE. ARG! THE TAX
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MAN! THE ONLY THING IS, THEIR COMPUTER WOULD BE THE
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ULTIMATE HACK. THINK ABOUT IT...
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 566-5000
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THIS FILE IS A PUBLIC SERVICE PROVIDED BY THE KNIGHTS OF
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SHADOW.
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THE GOVERNMENT IS A PUBLIC SERVICE PROVIDING FOR ITSELF...
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