143 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
143 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
|
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||
|
|
: :
|
||
|
|
: THE LAYMAN'S GUIDE :
|
||
|
|
: :
|
||
|
|
: TO :
|
||
|
|
: :
|
||
|
|
: FEDERAL AGENCIES :
|
||
|
|
: :
|
||
|
|
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
CIA: STANDS FOR CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY. THIS GROUP IS
|
||
|
|
RESPONSIBLE FOR INTERNATIONAL INTELLIGENCE GATHERING,
|
||
|
|
AS WELL AS THE SPREAD OF DEMOCRACY, NOT TO FORCE IT
|
||
|
|
DOWN THEIR THROATS...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (703) 351-1000
|
||
|
|
NEW YORK CITY (212) 755-0027
|
||
|
|
CHICAGO (312) 353-2980
|
||
|
|
LOS ANGELOS (213) 622-6875
|
||
|
|
BOSTON (617) 354-5965
|
||
|
|
MIAMI (305) 445-3658
|
||
|
|
HOUSTON (713) 229-2739
|
||
|
|
ST. LOUIS (314) 621-6902
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DON'T ASK ME WHAT THEY NEED OFFICES IN THE U.S. FOR...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DOD: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE THESE ARE THE BOYS WHO
|
||
|
|
RENT OFFICE SPACE IN THE PENTAGON... THEY ARE THE
|
||
|
|
ARMED FORCES, HERE TO PROTECT US FROM THE VILE ARMIES
|
||
|
|
OF OTHER NATIONS...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
PENTAGON (202) 545-6700
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DARPA: STANDS FOR DEFENSE ADVANCED RESEARCH PROJECTS AGENCY.
|
||
|
|
THESE ARE THE BOYS WHO MAKE WEAPONS FOR THE
|
||
|
|
MILITARY. THEY ARE VERY UP ON PARTICLE BEAM
|
||
|
|
WEAPONS, LASERS, MISSLE TRACKING, AND EVEN
|
||
|
|
BIOCYBERNETICS (THE DIRECT INTERFACING OF MAN AND
|
||
|
|
MACHINE-IMAGING HACKING AS FAST AS YOU CAN THINK
|
||
|
|
ABOUT IT... THIS HAS POTENTIAL).
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
ARLINGTON, VA (202) 694-3007
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
NSA: STANDS FOR NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY. THESE ARE THE
|
||
|
|
BRAIN BOYS, THE THINK TANKS FOR THE THE MILITARY. IF
|
||
|
|
YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES, THESE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO
|
||
|
|
SHOULD BE STARRING. THEY ARE THE GOVT. COMP. AND
|
||
|
|
TELECOM EXPERTS.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
SOMEWHERE IN MARYLAND (301) 688-6311
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DOJ: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE THIS IS THE COURT
|
||
|
|
SYSTEM, HOWEVER I DO NOT AGREE WITH THEIR IDEA OF
|
||
|
|
JUSTICE (WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM A MAN WHO THINKS G.
|
||
|
|
GORDON LIDDY IS COOL?).
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 633-2000
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
FBI: STANDS FOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS. THESE ARE
|
||
|
|
THE NOSY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO BUST IN DOORS.
|
||
|
|
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MOST OF THEM KNOW NOTHING ABOUT
|
||
|
|
WHAT THEY DO SINCE THEIR COLLEGE DEGREES ARE IN
|
||
|
|
ECONOMICS AND ACCOUNTING AND THE LIKE. FRANKLY, THESE
|
||
|
|
GUYS DON'T SCARE ME... THEY ARE PRETTY DUMB, AND ARE
|
||
|
|
TOTALLY OUT OF THEIR CLASS WHEN IT COMES TO COMPUTERS.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 324-3000
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
(A SIDE NOTE: LOOK AT A TOUCH TONE PAD. 324 EITHER SPELLS
|
||
|
|
'FBI' OR 'FAG'. I WONDER IF SOMEONE IN THE
|
||
|
|
TELCO HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR?)
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DEA: STANDS FOR DRUG ENFORCEMENT AGENCY. IF YOU WAKE UP ONE
|
||
|
|
MORNING AND THERE IS SOMEONE DIGGING IN YOUR 'GARDEN'
|
||
|
|
IT IS THEM. THEY DON'T LIKE YOU TO ENJOY YOURSELF, OR
|
||
|
|
ENGAGE IN A LITTLE RECREATIONAL SOARING...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 633-1249
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DOS: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF STATE. WHEN YOU HACK THE
|
||
|
|
RUSSIAN COMPUTER, THEY AREN'T PLEASED, ONE OF TWO
|
||
|
|
GROUPS WILL KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR. THE TELCO OR THE
|
||
|
|
STATE DEPARTMENT. THE KGB IS A GROUP OF GUYS WHO ARE
|
||
|
|
VERY GOOD LIARS AND VERY GOOD AT READING PEOPLE. THEY
|
||
|
|
KEEP WATCH FROM THE EMBASSY...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 655-4000
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DOT: STANDS FOR DEPARTMENT OF TREASURY. THROW AWAY THE COLOR
|
||
|
|
XEROX MACHIN WHEN THESE PEOPLE KNOCK, SINCE THEY DON'T
|
||
|
|
LIKE YOU PASSING BAD BILLS. THEY KEEP TRACK AND PRINT
|
||
|
|
ALL THE MONEY IN THE COUNTRY (EXCEPT FOR A FEW FRIENDS
|
||
|
|
OF MINE WHO...)
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 566-2000
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
SS: STANDS FOR SECRET SERVICE. FOR THE MOST PART, THE
|
||
|
|
SECRET SERVICE PROTECTS THE PRESIDENT (THAT'S WHY WE
|
||
|
|
HAVE LOST A FEW), GRABS COUNTERFEITERS, AND USED TO
|
||
|
|
BUST MOBSTERS.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 535-5708
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
(NOTE: DO THE INITIALS 'SS' MEAN MUCH TO THOSE OF YOU UP ON
|
||
|
|
THE NAZIS????)
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
ATF: STANDS FOR BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND FIREARMS.
|
||
|
|
FRANKLY, I COULD DO WITHOUT THESE DO-GOODERS. THEY
|
||
|
|
ENFORCE ALL LAWS PERTAINING TO ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND
|
||
|
|
FIREARMS (IF IT WASN'T OBVIOUS).
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 566-7511
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
IRS: STANDS FOR INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE. ARG! THE TAX
|
||
|
|
MAN! THE ONLY THING IS, THEIR COMPUTER WOULD BE THE
|
||
|
|
ULTIMATE HACK. THINK ABOUT IT...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
WASHINGTON, D.C. (202) 566-5000
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THIS FILE IS A PUBLIC SERVICE PROVIDED BY THE KNIGHTS OF
|
||
|
|
SHADOW.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THE GOVERNMENT IS A PUBLIC SERVICE PROVIDING FOR ITSELF...
|
||
|
|
|