344 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
344 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
__________________________________________________
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/ The Eternity Articles /
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/ /
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/ Act I, Scene i -- February 1995 /
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/_________________________________________________/
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\ \
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\ Guy in charge: Sanjay Singh \
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\ eternity@cyberspace.org \
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\_________________________________________________\
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"To start blindly with a statement is a sign of arrogance
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and narrow-mindedness and will lead to conflict. To
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start blindly with a question is a sign of uncertainty
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and honesty, and will lead to wisdom." [Scott Watson]
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Too bad I don't really have a question to begin with. Oh
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well. This is the beginning of the journey. Hopefully, through
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this thing, we will be able to accomplish something. I'm not
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promising any great questions will be answered, but at least
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they'll be exposed. If we're really lucky we might even find out
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what our destination is. I meant to say that in a less cheesy
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metaphysical sense, but sometimes the right words just don't want
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to come out.
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This, being the first issue, might not be perfect. Hell, it
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probably won't make any sense in some parts, but as time goes on,
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we should be able to fix the little problems, and get on with our
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lives. It's also a little short. I was hoping for something
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around 10 pages, but being the first issue I didn't really have
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that many other people willing to talk. Hopefully, this will
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change with time.
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The Eternity Articles are mine, but I'll take whatever help is
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offered. Any comments, questions, or just plain old fashioned
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rantings are welcome. If you do send mail then please let me know
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how you found out about The Eternity Articles. Might as well find
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out how many people are reading it.
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Each month I'll try to deal with a new topic... In the spirit
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of Valentine's Day (or the Suicide Holiday depending on who you
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listen to), I'm starting off with love (awwww). Even after all of
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the pain it's caused me, I still need it, go figure, eh? Sorry to
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have kept on beating myself up on this one, but hell, next issue I
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start getting angry. Don't worry, that'll make sense in a couple
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of issues.
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Dedication
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==========
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"This entire opus is respectfully dedicated to all those
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who have loved unconditionally only to have their hearts
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unanaesthetically ripped out: base not your joy upon the
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deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. NO
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HOPE = NO FEAR." [Peter Steele]
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This issue is dedicated to her (or him). We all have someone
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that could have turned out to me more than a friend, or just
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someone that we admired from a distance. They might have torn out
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our hearts and thrown them away without even knowing the pain and
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anguish they've caused, but we still love them anyways.
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Introduction
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============
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"Love is a rare opportunity and when that love is somehow
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parted it's something deep down inside that wants just a
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reminder, a slice of memory, a possession." [2nu]
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I've always loved the rain. It always had a cleansing and
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purifying feel to it. It takes all of the dirt on the road and
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just washes it away. Of course, the problem is that when it starts
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to rain, everything comes to the surface, all of the oil, dirt, and
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cap that's been buried deep below the surface.
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The best part of a rainy day has to be the at the end of it
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all. When the water stops falling and a dark cloud of fog covers
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everything. The light is gone, you can't see too far ahead, but
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whatever's ahead can't see you either.
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* * *
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It was a rainy day that she stopped by my house. I opened the
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door, and there she was, just standing there with just enough water
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in her hair to change it to a deep chestnut colour. It reminded me
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why I fell in love with her two years earlier. It had more than a
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year and a half since I'd last seen her, and I don't think she
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could have ever looked more beautiful to me than she did at that
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moment.
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I don't know how long I was just standing there, staring at
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her, but eventually she asked if should could come in. I let out
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a little nervous laugh, and invited her in. I knew she was coming,
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she called yesterday afternoon. I had always missed her, but even
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though we talked on the phone every once in a while, it just wasn't
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the same thing as seeing her. She told me that we needed to talk,
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face to face. I can't really say that I've ever been more scared
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at any other point in my life. It took me completely by surprise.
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Of course, I would be ecstatic to see her again, to hold her in my
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arms, and never want to let go, but it also brought a flood of
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memories back to the surface. The same memories, that had stopped
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me from seeing her for what could have been an eternity. Memories
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I had desperately tried to bury, to hide, to ignore, to forget.
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We sat down and started to talk. Well, she talked. I
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listened, but I don't know if I heard anything she said. All I
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would think about was the night it all ended...
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Quote I Had To Toss In But Didn't Know Where To Put It
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======================================================
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"I am a romantic, but I do put up a barrier around
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myself, so it is hard for people to get in and to know
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the real me. I fall in love much too quickly and that
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results in me getting badly hurt. The problem with love
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is that you lose control and that is a very vulnerable
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state to be in. I would love to really have a beautiful
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relationship with somebody, but it never seems to work
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out. What I would like most of all is to be in a state
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of blissful love." [Freddie Mercury]
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Why I Hate Valentine's Day
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==========================
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Yes, I hate Valentine's day. Big deal. A lot of people do.
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I know, I just thought I'd say it. It's actually one of the
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elitist holidays. A chance for you to either flaunt what / who you
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have or just feel pathetic because you're alone. Wonderful, as for
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the romantic aspect... Well that's all fine and dandy, but why do
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we need a special occasion to actually express love? It's like
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when a friend told me that Christmas was nice because at least it's
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a time when people actually try to be nice and civilized to each
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other. Why the hell do we need an excuse to be nice to each other?
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The sad thing is that he's right.
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But, back to the occasion at hand... Why do we need to have a
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day to show affection? If you want to give your significant other
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a gift, then give it to them. You don't need a holiday to shower
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someone with gifts. If you feel like getting someone something,
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then just do it. Don't wait for a holiday. The same things goes
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for nice dinners, or nights on the town. Love is supposed to be
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impulsive... don't wait for one day to make it worthwhile. If you
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lose the person you love before Valentine's day then you'll know
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that you have to make every second count, and you can't waste your
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life away, just waiting for anything, be it holiday or even just
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tomorrow. Sometimes you don't get a second chance, and sometimes
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you throw your second chance away. Don't waste what you have. But
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I've gone far off topic now, so I think I'll just close this part.
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By the way, the only redeeming quality behind Valentine's day
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is those little cinnamon hearts. (fyi: the only redeeming quality
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behind Easter are Cadbury's Cream Eggs)
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Why Be Alone
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============
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"I see your face in every flame / With no answers I have
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only myself to blame / Of all the women I have known --
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they're not you / I'd rather be alone." [Type O Negative]
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In a time where love is supposedly everything that matters and
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anyone that's single is left out in the cold, the obvious question
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is 'why be alone?' I wish I had an answer to this. I've been
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alone for far too long, but there's not much I can do about it (yes
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I know that's a cop out). Everyone that is alone has their own
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reasons and excuses.
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My excuse is that I just haven't gotten over her yet. She was
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perfect, and I screwed that relationship up. Then about two years
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later someone else came along. It was great. She was beyond
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perfection, for a time when I really needed someone, I knew she was
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there for me. Then I fell in love with her. I should've seen it
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coming, but I didn't. Of course, it didn't work out. Hell, I
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couldn't even tell her until last year how I really felt. The
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problem is that I'm still madly in love with her. It's been a year
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since the last time I talked to her, and that was a year and a half
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since the last time I had talked to her. I've had my chances, and
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I've thrown them both away. How many people actually go through
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live without knowing what true love is, and I've felt it twice. No
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more second chances, no more dreams, no more hopes, no more
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anything. Maybe I should've enjoyed the ride while I was on it.
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Song Tossed In Because I Wanted To
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==================================
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Ok, so maybe I am the only person in the world that bought
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their album, but that doesn't mean that it's not good. Personally,
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I love the album. You don't need to buy it (and you'll probably
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never find it if you're looking for it) but here's one of the
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songs. I'm sure you'll see why I chose it... And if you notice
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any similarities between this and the introduction it's because
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they've articulated what I wanted to say much better than I ever
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could.
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Two Outta Three by 2nu
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----------------------
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There was a humming bird just outside the
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glass that separated us from the lake
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He looked in for just a moment and flew away
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I couldn't help thinking how simple his life
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must be
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We sat quietly in the warm swirling bubbles
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I don't think I could have loved her more than
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at that very moment
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There was this little bead of water that was
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making its way down her long, silky, wet
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hair
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I said to myself, if I can count to ten before it drops,
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she'll love me forever
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I barely got to seven before it fell like a
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rock
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And ran slowly down over her bare shoulders and disappeared
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into the bubbles again
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I must have been looking at her for a long
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time, before I realized that she was
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looking back
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And that day in the rain was a million
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memories ago
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The cafe was getting noisier, and the coffee
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was getting colder
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And finally, she began to explain why it was
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over
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I couldn't believe what was actually happening
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I was watching her talk, but I couldn't hear
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the words
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I was dying inside
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And she never looked more beautiful
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Even after she was gone, I could still smell
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her perfume
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I always would
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I got up to leave and stepped out into the
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rain
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Stuck my hand in my coat pocket
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And pulled out the rose that I meant to give
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her
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The wilted petals fell to the ground
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I counted them out
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Still trying to beat the odds
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She loves me,
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She loves me not
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Two outta three
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Dying Culture
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Alright, I won't be doing this often, but this is something
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that I had to do. I'm just going to suggest that everyone out
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there that's reading this go out and rent the movie FRESH.
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Supposedly it's coming out on video this week, and I honestly
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believe that it is the best movie I've ever seen. I saw it over
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the summer (after Forrest Gump) and had never seen anything like
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it. I won't waste any more time than this, but see it. I can't
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really give you a plot summary without screwing up some of the more
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important scenes, sorry. The only reason that I'm suggesting this
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here, is because it was great, and no one has probably ever heard
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of it, which is a tragedy in itself.
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How To Get This
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===============
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Well if you have this then you probably know how you got it,
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but in case this was passed on to you, then I'll just let you know
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where this can be found.
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ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/WhyMe/
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gopher: gopher.etext.org follow the prompts
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mail: if you want a copy sent by mail then just send a request
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to me at the eternity address. I'm not sure if I'm going
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to set up an automatic mailing list... depends on demand
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I suppose. But if you ask for a copy then I will send
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one to you.
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Notes On Quotes
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===============
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In case you haven't noticed it, there's a quotes.gz file in my
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directory at etext. Take a look at it, it's my own personal quote
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list, and it's more or less the inspiration behind this. At last
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count there were over 400 quotes, sometimes I get more each week,
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or less frequently. If you want a more recent copy, send mail to
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eternity, I'll send out the latest version to you. I should update
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the file at etext every 3 or 4 months, just so you know.
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Where To Now?
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=============
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"Sometimes you want to run away / Sometimes you think you
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do / But you never had a dream like this before / And you
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don't want to ask for more / Sometimes you leave a mark
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/ Before you know the score." [Ric Ocasek]
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Honestly, I'm not sure where we will be going from here. I
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was planning on doing the next issue on "who we are," but the story
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I wanted to start off with was written by a friend of mine, and
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he's not too sure if he wants to share it with everyone, so that
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idea was thrown out the window. Of course, this leads to the
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problem of what to do. "Freedom," in all it's glory, for good and
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bad. That's what this thing will cover next month... Any ideas,
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suggestions, or articles are welcome.
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Anyways, I'm off, thanks for keeping me company this month.
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Inspirations
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============
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Well, I just want to acknowledge the following for helping out
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directly or indirectly:
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Type O Negative -- when nothing else seems to make sense,
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they do, I'm not sure why, or even if
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this is a good thing, but it seems to
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work. (I can't believe that I'm
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acknowledging them before I got to The
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Cars, but c'est la vie)
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Scott Watson -- the only person that keeps me on my toes
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constantly by pointing out flaws in every
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single thing that I say and do.
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Disclaimer
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==========
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I take full responsibility of the overall content here. There
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might be other contributors (and their articles are their own
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intellectual property), but what goes into this is my choice.
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Truth is subjective (if you believe something then to you it is
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fact, and if you don't then it is fiction, simple enough?) so I
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won't make any claims about honesty... believe what you want. I
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have no problem with people taking bits and pieces from here to pad
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essays, or even their own stuff. Just make sure that you cite
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whoever wrote the article. If it doesn't say who wrote it, then
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it's probably mine.
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If you know anything about ISSN numbers, like where I can get
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one, or what I need them for, or even if I need one, could you
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please let me know... Everyone else has one, and I want one too.
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Thanks.
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Sanjay Singh (2/23/95)
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