402 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
402 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Book Of The SubGenius
|
|
|
|
Lunatic Prophecies For The Coming Weird Times
|
|
|
|
This is not the entire book of the SubGenius. Yes, it contains all
|
|
the chapters, and most of the writings are here, but this simple Text
|
|
file cannot contain nearly the amount of SLACK that the book has. I have
|
|
type the whole thing, under the directive of "Bob" himself, so that you
|
|
may gain some insight into the Church Of The SubGenius (TM) and then go
|
|
out and by the book. This file also makes a handy reference when the book
|
|
is in your excremeditation chambers, where it belongs.
|
|
|
|
|
|
We, the Anonymous Scribes, realize that this file has been written without
|
|
the consent of the publishers and "authors" of this fine book, namely His
|
|
Greatness, The Sacred Scribe Of The SubGenius Church, The Reverend Ivan
|
|
Stang, and therefore this file is illegal. We ask for forgiveness from
|
|
This Holy Person, but we also know that this will generate book sales
|
|
by bringing the Word O'Dobbs to the remote, hidden SubGenius who know
|
|
nothing of their Inner Slack.
|
|
|
|
So, I'm telling you. This file is not nearly as good as the Book and is
|
|
actually an advertisement to sell the Book.
|
|
|
|
To order the Book, either go to your nearest book store, or obtain it
|
|
from the Foundation by writing to
|
|
|
|
The Church Of The SubGenius
|
|
P.O. Box 140306
|
|
Dallas, TX 75214 USA
|
|
|
|
You can order the book for $11.95 + $3 S/H.
|
|
There is also an order form at the end of this file, where you can find
|
|
out how to receive ordainment and lots of other Holy Junk.
|
|
|
|
When ordering from the Foundation, please mention That The Anonymous
|
|
Scribes provided you with the information. This will help us in our
|
|
case. "Bob" is looking out for us, but his perfect imperfection may
|
|
cause him to forget us in a lawsuit. Also...Don't say WHERE you saw
|
|
this file.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Book Of The SubGenius
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes a book goes too far.
|
|
Sometimes...is NOW.
|
|
|
|
First -- there was The Gilgamesh
|
|
Then... The Bhagavad-Gita
|
|
Then... The Torah, The New Testament, The Koran
|
|
Then... The Book of Mormon, Dianetics, I'm OK you're OK.
|
|
And now...
|
|
|
|
----------------------- THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS ----------------------
|
|
|
|
THE BOOK YOU NOW HOLD IN YOUR HANDS COULD CREATE A NEW INQUISITION -
|
|
A SELF-PERPETUATING FASCIST STATE THAT WILL LAST TO THE END OF HUMANITY
|
|
- OR IT COULD BE THE FOUNDATION-STONE OF THE PROMISED KINGDOM OF PEACE
|
|
AND HARMONY. WHICH WILL IT BE?
|
|
|
|
--------------(How To Prosper In The Coming Weird Times)-----------------
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes, YOU can rape your own mind. YOU can finally relax in the safety of
|
|
your own delusions.
|
|
|
|
This epipastic for the brains of Epoptics, Beholders, and Initiates,works
|
|
an authentic magician's spell that will drive OUT the foreign person-
|
|
alities and id-demons. Protected by its own occult roots in the most
|
|
extreme forms of para- and mech-psychology, it places the reader within a
|
|
"shell" of Weird Phenomena which Must be used for good And evil.
|
|
|
|
Its system of Mystik Correspondences' has already given SECRET POWER to
|
|
the Church of the SubGenius - the world's first Industrial church, the
|
|
prophesied End Times cult of screamers and laughers, scoffers, blasphemers
|
|
mockers, sinners, and the last true holymen in America today.
|
|
|
|
KEEP THIS BOOK NEAR YOU - in your pocket, your bathroom, your glove
|
|
compartment. Study it. Memorize it. Find within its pages a NEW DIRECTION-
|
|
a NEW WAY - a HIGHER yet LOWER REALITY - just as thousand before you have
|
|
done!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Copyright 1983 by THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION
|
|
All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States
|
|
of America. Except as permitted under the copyright
|
|
act of 1976, no part of this publication may be
|
|
reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means
|
|
or stored in a data base or retrieval system, without
|
|
prior written permission of the publisher.
|
|
|
|
|
|
I
|
|
The Book Of The SubGenius
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
'Do What Keepeth Thou from Wilting, Shall be The Loophole iin the Law'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Church Of The SubGenius is an order of
|
|
Scoffers and Blasphemers, dedicated to Total Slack,
|
|
delving into Mockery Science, Sadofuturistics, Mega-
|
|
physics, Scatalography, Schizophreniatrics, Morealism,
|
|
Sarcastrophy, Cynisacreligion, Apocolyptionomy,
|
|
ESPectorationalism, HypnoPediatrics, Subliminalism,
|
|
Satyriology, DistoUtopianity, Sardonicology, Fasciest-
|
|
iouism, Ridiculophagy, and Miscellaneous Theology.
|
|
|
|
"Researching The Public's Fear Of The Unknown Since 1953!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The TriPrimality:
|
|
|
|
"Bob" is.
|
|
"Bob" becomes.
|
|
"Bob" is not.
|
|
Nothing is; Nothing becomes;
|
|
Nothing is not.
|
|
|
|
Thus: Nothing Is Everything.
|
|
Therefore: Everything is "Bob."
|
|
Abracadabra.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
II
|
|
The Book Of The SubGenius
|
|
|
|
|
|
This Book Was Begun in 1953 by
|
|
|
|
|
|
J.R. "BOB" DOBBS
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
High Epopt of the Church of the SubGenius
|
|
|
|
Revised in 1979 by
|
|
|
|
D. Phigo U. Drummond, 01 Dr. X Rev. Ivan Stang, A.0.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Board Of Directors of The SubGenius Foundation appointed in 1980:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Puzzling Evidence St. Sterno Keckhaver LIES
|
|
Doug Wellman St. Janor Hypercleats St. Paul Mavrides
|
|
HellSwami John Hagen Drs. for "Bob" Sir Guy Deuel
|
|
Pastor Buck Naked Pope David Meyer III Glassmadness
|
|
Cookie Drummond F.G.O.T.R. J. Erickson someone else
|
|
|
|
|
|
Additional Sacrifices, 1981, by:
|
|
|
|
High Priestess Eileen Keller Capt. Hugh M. Smith
|
|
Dr. Bootmokus Tribunal Overdrive
|
|
Alexander D. Smith Stefan Hammond
|
|
Rev. Larry Sulkis Rev. David Boone
|
|
Shrendi Chisholm Dennis Keller
|
|
Bob Black, St. Byron Werner
|
|
THE LAST INTERNATIONAL R. Wollard
|
|
Dr. Jay Kinney BurnMartyr Dr.Snavely Eklund
|
|
St. Joe Schwind Severn Institute
|
|
Pope St. D. Lee Lama St. Poonflang dammerung
|
|
Kerry Wendell Thornely Pope Mike Danger
|
|
Hector Hilldale Autumn Deuel
|
|
Leslie Gaspar Drelloid
|
|
tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE
|
|
|
|
1982 Illiterati:
|
|
|
|
Dominatrix Candi strecker, Dr. Gary Hughes, Rev. Brian Curran, Rev. Garth
|
|
Danielson, Bishop Buhle, Bishop Huey, St. Karen Srego, Mechapope Monika
|
|
Vidi, Apostle G. Don Trubey, Fair Use Empire, Pope Michael Flores and The
|
|
People's Temple, Sir Hal Robins, Krononautic Organism, Rev. Bob Lee,
|
|
Nick West, St. Patricia Daley, Stigmatic Ted Early, Mastress Freddie Baer,
|
|
Political Bizarro Luke T. McGuff, Maestro John Crawford, Prof. Mark
|
|
Mothersbaugh, St. Becky Block, Radio Popes Kates, Chusid, Brown, Ginsburg,
|
|
Nelson & Opinion; John Steakley, St. Rick Hoefle, Will (Lord) Small 888
|
|
|
|
Final Word Wrangling By:
|
|
|
|
Rev. Ivan Stang
|
|
|
|
"Bob's" face and "The Church of the SubGenius" Are Trademarks of the
|
|
SubGenius Foundation, Inc
|
|
III
|
|
|
|
|
|
THE SOURCE: JEHOVAH-1 (a.k.a. WOTAN, YAHWEH, RA, etc)
|
|
THE TEACHER: J.R. "BOB" DOBBS
|
|
THE GOAL: SLACK
|
|
THE OBSTACLE: THE CONSIPIRACY AND ITS DUPES,
|
|
THE NORMALS
|
|
THE WAY: THE CASTING OUT OF FALSE PROPHETS
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THE WEAPON: TIME CONTROL
|
|
|
|
|
|
SLOGANS:
|
|
|
|
"Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke"
|
|
"Too Much Is Always Better Than Not Enough"
|
|
"Pull The Wool Over Your Own Eyes"
|
|
"You'll PAY To Know What You REALLY Think"
|
|
"Give Me Slack, Or Give Me Food, Or Kill Me"
|
|
"If I Can't Whup It, IPIRACY Go DOWN"
|
|
"Bleeding Head Good, Healed Head Bad"
|
|
"If You Act Like A Dumbshit, They'll Treat You As An Equal"
|
|
|
|
|
|
"SCIENCE DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS"
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
ATTENTION!!!!
|
|
DO NOT ALLOW TO FALL INTO ENEMY HANDS
|
|
|
|
WARNINGS & DISCLAIMERS:
|
|
If you think there's nothing wrong with the world, don't buy this book;
|
|
if you are offended by your own sick rage when viewing literature alien
|
|
to your repressive behavior code, go ahead and Purchase the book, but
|
|
DON'T read it.
|
|
|
|
The Church of the SubGenius may drive you Crazy.
|
|
The Roman Catholic Church had driven people crazy, Scientology has driven
|
|
people crazy. So have Satanism, Islam, The Boy Scouts, the government of
|
|
the United States, Judaism, traffic jams, LSD, the C.I.A., Taoism, kids,
|
|
parents, TV, war, and peace. Some people drive themselves crazy.
|
|
|
|
This Book will not drive Subgeniuses Crazy. It will supply them with
|
|
the Slack they need to drive others crazy.
|
|
|
|
Many idiots will object to this publication. The techniques and secrets
|
|
revealed herein have been passed through the headquarters of many terror-
|
|
ist organizations (including the FBI and CIA) for years. This knowledge
|
|
will also enhance your professional capabilities and aid you in protect-
|
|
ing against THEM, but it is not meant for the young or irresponsible.
|
|
|
|
J.R. "BOB" Dobbs is endowed with the full range of ESP abilities.Although
|
|
"Bob's" accuracy has never been questioned by previous "clients." no
|
|
SacraMentalist can claim infallibility. With "Bob," especially, it is
|
|
only a matter of time before he falters in a big way; he is farther from
|
|
so-called "perfection" than most of us could be if we worked at it.
|
|
Therefore, "Bob," his associates, promoters, empolyees, sponsors, agents,
|
|
followers, and writers must disclaim all liability to all person or
|
|
groups who act upon ESP impressions given by word of mouth, print, tele-
|
|
|
|
IV
|
|
DISCLAIMER & WARNINGS CONTINUED....
|
|
|
|
|
|
phone, film, tape, or holograph recording now or in the...the future. The
|
|
Secrets of the Elder Gods are not offered in an attempt to persaude any
|
|
peson of the supernatural powers of rites, rituals, amulets, talismans,
|
|
seals, incantations, or other ideas and devices mentioned herein. No
|
|
magical claims are made and medical problems should be attended by lic-
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ensed physicians.
|
|
|
|
IGNORE THIS: FNORD: To practise and preach the same things is utter mad-
|
|
ness. Sometimes communication must be made More Difficult and Irritating
|
|
Than Necessary, in order to conve certain dangerous complexities. The
|
|
knowledge must not fall into the wrong hands.
|
|
|
|
"SCIENCE DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS"
|
|
The SubGenius knows that a Godlike alien space monster calling himself
|
|
"Jchingh-1" Is watchig us and making us dance like cheap puppets for His
|
|
own ends. he demand that we worship Him, and so we surely must.
|
|
|
|
And if you say that the SubGenius is deceived, that there is no alien
|
|
God of Wrath, then the SubGenius will attack YOU! you are wrong; we are
|
|
right; WOTAN told us so and we believed it. Alright? Now roll over and
|
|
go back to "sleep"...(By "God's Third Leg," you'd think these humans
|
|
didn't know what religion was For!!)
|
|
|
|
A note about the word "he" as an alneurpose pronoun: we use it
|
|
because constantly saying "he or she," "s/he," or "it," sounds STUPID.
|
|
However, notice also that while JHVH-1, God, Jesus, and a few others
|
|
are called "He" with a capital H, "Bob" is merely a "he." These spellings
|
|
are in accordnace with the express wishes of the respective deities. "Bob"
|
|
de-deifies himself whenever possible to counterbalance the tendency of his
|
|
followers to go overboard.
|
|
|
|
|
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
The Church is not responsible for the actions of individuals which may
|
|
result from their mere possession of this Book. Any resemblance by char-
|
|
acters in these pages to any person, living or dead, except where intend-
|
|
ed for direct satirical purposes, is strictly "Coincidence." That's
|
|
right, it's all a big joke! Ha ha! "The Conspiracy" - what a laugh! Ha
|
|
ha! 3,000 children starving to death in Mexico City every day, ha ha!
|
|
Radio- active waste canisters rotting in the ocean! Ha ha ha! Mind
|
|
control by horrible secret societies - yuk, yuk, yuk.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
CAUTION - MAY BE HABIT FORMING. Do not drive motor vehicle or
|
|
operate heavy machinery while under the influence of this book.
|
|
|
|
|
|
V
|
|
PROPHECY CRUSADE
|
|
|
|
WE THE SUBGENIUSES OF THE POST-HUMAN RACE, in order to preserve life on
|
|
this planet from immanent destruction, reestablish intelligence, regain
|
|
Slack, cast out the False Prophets, smother forever the fear of fear
|
|
itself, receive the questionable gifts of the Beforelife and of the
|
|
Space Dwellers, become as Overmen, unmask the Conspiracy, grip the reins
|
|
of human evolution, control reproduction and mutation, decipher the Code
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
placate the Stark Fist of Removal, achieve Time Control, see That Which
|
|
Must Come to Pass, become as gods, find the Twin with the Scissors of
|
|
Sight, aver the Rupture of the Equilibrium, and secure the financial
|
|
blessings of Jehovah-1 the God of Wrath for ourselves and our descend-
|
|
ents, do hereby admit ourselves as such and thus ordain this Advertise-
|
|
ment of the SubGenius Race of Earth.
|
|
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
CONTENT
|
|
|
|
Ch. 0 TruthStinger Barrage.......................................1
|
|
Ch. 1 Don't Laugh................................................5
|
|
Ch. 2 The Miracle of "Bob's" Tyranny............................16
|
|
Ch. 3 Earth Is Hell.............................................NA
|
|
Ch. 4 The Curse of "Bob"........................................NA
|
|
Ch. 5 The Secrets of Slack......................................NA
|
|
Ch. 6 Creative Truth............................................NA
|
|
Ch. 7 Salvation $1 and the Perils of False Slack................NA
|
|
Ch. 8 Your SubGenius Heritage...................................NA
|
|
Ch. 9 Shut Up or Stand Up - "The Brag"..........................NA
|
|
Ch. 10 We Dare Call It Conspiracy................................NA
|
|
Ch. 11 The UFO Made Me Do It.....................................NA
|
|
Ch. 12 Dateline for Dominance....................................NA
|
|
Ch. 13 The Prescriptures.........................................NA
|
|
Ch. 14 ANSWERS: Money and Jobs...................................NA
|
|
Ch. 15 ANSWERS: Sex - The Divine Battle..........................NA
|
|
Ch. 16 Health, the Industrial Diet, and Bad Things...............NA
|
|
Ch. 17 Starting Your Own Church..................................NA
|
|
Ch. 18 Your Instructions.........................................NA
|
|
Ch. 19 Paths to Frenzy...........................................NA
|
|
Ch. 20 Your Move: A Letter from "Bob"............................NA
|
|
APPENDIX..................................................NA
|
|
|
|
|
|
VI
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|