77 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
You might be Considered a Redneck if...
|
||
|
||
* Your front porch collapses and you kill more than 6 dogs
|
||
|
||
* You've ever used lard in bed
|
||
|
||
* You think potted meat and saltines are an hors d'oevre
|
||
|
||
* There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house
|
||
|
||
* You consider a six-pack of beer and watching a bug-zapper
|
||
quality entertainment
|
||
* Less than half of the cars you own run
|
||
|
||
* Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before
|
||
telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass
|
||
* The main color of your car is "primer"
|
||
|
||
* You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and
|
||
seductive tongue gestures
|
||
* Your family tree doesn't fork
|
||
|
||
* Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught in a ceiling fan
|
||
|
||
* Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high
|
||
school sports event
|
||
* You've ever B-B-Qued spam on the grill
|
||
|
||
* The neighbors started a petition concerning your Christmas
|
||
lights
|
||
|
||
* Your brother-in-law is your uncle
|
||
|
||
* You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey &
|
||
|
||
* The Bandit was snubbed for best picture
|
||
|
||
* The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones
|
||
|
||
* You consider True Story of Field & Stream deep reading
|
||
|
||
* You prominently display a gift you purchased ar Graceland
|
||
|
||
* The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking
|
||
Institute"
|
||
* Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board
|
||
|
||
* You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding
|
||
|
||
* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader
|
||
|
||
* The most common phrase heard ar your family reunion is "What
|
||
the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
|
||
* You think beef sticks and moon pies are two of the major food
|
||
groups
|
||
* You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug
|
||
|
||
* You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior
|
||
|
||
* You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy
|
||
|
||
* You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of
|
||
all time
|
||
* You have a rag for a gas cap
|
||
|
||
* You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures
|
||
were taken
|
||
* You've ever used a weed eater indoors
|
||
|
||
* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand
|
||
|
||
* You wait to break wind in bed so you can fan the covers on
|
||
your spouse
|
||
* You have a fly-strip hanging above the kitchen table
|
||
|
||
* Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick
|
||
|