77 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
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You might be Considered a Redneck if...
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* Your front porch collapses and you kill more than 6 dogs
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* You've ever used lard in bed
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* You think potted meat and saltines are an hors d'oevre
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* There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house
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* You consider a six-pack of beer and watching a bug-zapper
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quality entertainment
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* Less than half of the cars you own run
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* Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before
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telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass
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* The main color of your car is "primer"
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* You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and
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seductive tongue gestures
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* Your family tree doesn't fork
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* Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught in a ceiling fan
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* Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high
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school sports event
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* You've ever B-B-Qued spam on the grill
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* The neighbors started a petition concerning your Christmas
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lights
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* Your brother-in-law is your uncle
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* You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey &
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* The Bandit was snubbed for best picture
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* The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones
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* You consider True Story of Field & Stream deep reading
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* You prominently display a gift you purchased ar Graceland
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* The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking
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Institute"
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* Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board
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* You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding
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* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader
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* The most common phrase heard ar your family reunion is "What
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the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
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* You think beef sticks and moon pies are two of the major food
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groups
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* You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug
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* You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior
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* You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy
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* You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of
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all time
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* You have a rag for a gas cap
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* You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures
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were taken
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* You've ever used a weed eater indoors
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* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand
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* You wait to break wind in bed so you can fan the covers on
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your spouse
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* You have a fly-strip hanging above the kitchen table
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* Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick
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