95 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
95 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
A BASICALLY BAD DAY
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I don't remember the last bad day I had, except that I frowned at it and shook
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my finger, saying "BAD! Bad Day!"
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That spate of strong language made the day cower in the corner and stay out of
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my way. That angered me even more, since it had already ruined things. The
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least it could have done would have been to continue wreaking havoc on my life
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for the full length of the day. You know, sunrise to sunset.
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I went along most cheerily for years until today when it came up at me with a
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vengeful force that made me want to cower in the corner. This time, there was
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no finger wagging -- I was in a mean enough mood to fight it to the bitter end.
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Which is where I am now--at a sleazy bar called the "Bitter End."(I'm using
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the pay phone and my portable terminal. The phone booth stinks of either old
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beer, sour beer or, perhaps, beer which has comingled with someone's gastric
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juices.)
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This place, "Bitter End," is a great place to go after having had a bad day.
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Everyone is equally sour. The drinks -- even non-alchoholic ones -- are sort of
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turpid. The bartender and waitress have faces so sulky and grouchful that
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patrons simply stare blankly at the floor or the bar or a tabletop and mumble
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slurred phonemes.
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The jukebox is broken so a tinny radio adds to the torture of everyone's bad
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day. The floors are filthy; the bathrooms are filthy; the language is filthy;
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even the cocktail napkins are filthy. Such a place, this is.
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My bad day started when I was awakened by my clock-radio-telephone. The alarm
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kicked the radio into an obnoxious news program and the phone buzzed stridently
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at 5 a.m. I struggled to answer, managing to damage the radio and scare away
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whoever it was who called. I struggled up to find I had captured a nasty summer
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cold overnight. The cat was yowling.
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I yelled at the cat, went to make coffee of which there was enough for one
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cup. The shower refused to work and my nose started bleeding.
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I scrambled out of the house to find the interior of the car soaking wet from
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an overnight rain. I ran out of gas a block from home. (Getting gas only
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delayed me a few minutes, since I'm lucky enough to live two blocks away from a
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gas station.)
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I arrived at work. The phone rang off the hook for a solid hour and none of
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my help arrived on time -- owing to the fact that this happened on July 5th.
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Everyone knows what it's like to get employees to work on time the day after a
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holiday.
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I was sniveling so freely that I could have just put a bucket under my nose,
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but I probably would have drowned in it.
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All of the elements of a bad day had occurred and it wasn't even 9 a.m. yet!
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I won't bore you with the rest of the details, other than to mention that I
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lost my set of keys to everything I hold near and dear sometime before lunch,
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and my awfully bad-tempered cat had sneaked into the car and spent the day
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bothering me everywhere I went, or tried to go.
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So... Here I am at the "Bitter End." I'm smart enough not to have a drink. I
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come here merely to get some perspective on what bad days are, and to look
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voyeuristically at other poor souls who are also having one--well, two. They
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are having a bad day AND a drink.
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There's a drunk guy banging on the door of this phone booth. He's uttering
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slurred phonemes at me with a look of crisp, acute rage. I think he's
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threatening me. Wait a sec:
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<creak> Whaddya want, buster?
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Get offa the phone jerk!
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No! I'm on long-distance!
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I'm gonna pullyerbutt outta there fatface! <slurred man reaches in slow
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motion for my tangible self>
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<I resist; push him back. He flails out of control, smashing a couple of
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tables.> Oh, oh....This is STILL a bad day!
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<....later.....>
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I've just gotten home from the E/R where a guy who thought he was Elliott
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Gould decided to joke with me about the stitches he was lacing across my right
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set of knuckles -- those very knuckles which saved my life by stopping a hurled
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beer bottle.
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I'm feeling a little better now, knowing that the day is clearly almost over
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with. In a few moments, I will be in bed. Safe. I'll sleep this day away and
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tomorrow will be----
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<Kerr-ASSSHHH!> ;;System crash! <shriek! shriek!> DIVE! DIVE! <gurgle>
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<click. Buzzzz.> HOW YA' DOING GUYS AN' GALS? THIS IS OL' JOHNNY DAYBREAK, THE
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BREAKFAST FLAKE COMIN' AT YA' TWICE AS LOUD AS--- <Thwack!> <Zzzzzzz.>
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