129 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
129 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
This Guy Walks Into A Bar...
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(This is the classic:)
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This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets
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them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking)
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bartender
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"I'll have a Scotch and Soda."
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Then the crocodile says
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"And I'll have a Whiskey Sour."
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The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps
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"That's incredible; I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!"
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And the guy says
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"He can't;
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the chicken is a ventriloquist."
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This guy walks into a bar... bounces right off.
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This big, brawny, dark-skinned Latin feller walks into a bar. On his
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shoulder is a beautiful blue-and-red parrot. The bartender says,
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admiringly
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"That's beautiful; where'd you get it?"
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and the parrot says
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"Down in Mexico; there're millions of 'em!"
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This guy walks into a bar carrying a cage. A little while later, the
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bartender notices that there's a slice of lemon stuck on the little
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swing in the cage. He says
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"Why do you have a lemon in the cage, there?"
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The guy looks into the cage for a moment, then says, horrified
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"My God! I must have squeezed my canary into my drink!!"
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This guy walks into a bar, and says to the bartender
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"I-I-I-I-I'll h-h-h-h-h-ave a-a-a g-g-g-g-g-gin and toni-i-i-i-ic."
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and the bartender says
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"Y-y-y-y-y-y-es, s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sir, right aw-w-w-w-w-way!"
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He gets the drink, and is sittin' there drinkin'. A little while later
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this huge guy (looks like a whole construction crew all to himself)
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struts up to the bar and says, in a voice like a herd of elephants,
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"I'LL HAVE A HARVEY WALLBANGER, BARTENDER!!!!"
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and the bartender says
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"RIGHT AWAY, SIR!!!!"
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Well this upsets the first guy, and he motions to the bartender
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"E-e-e-e-e-excu-u-u-use m-m-me, w-w-w-will you come ov-v-v-v-er
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here f-f-f-f-f-f-for a minute?"
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The bartender comes over, and the guy says
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"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-were y-y-you m-m-makin' f-f-f-f-f-fun o' me?"
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and the bartender says
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"N-n-n-no, S-S-SIR! I w-w-w-w-was m-m-making fun o' that other g-g-guy!"
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-----------------
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This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around
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drinkin'. Some of the old timers are telling jokes. One of them
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says
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"Seventeen"
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and the other old timers all start laughing fit to bust. Little later,
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another of 'em says
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"Thirty-Two"
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and they all slap their old-timer knees and laugh and holler. Well, the
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new guy can't figger out what's goin' on, so he says to one of the
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locals next to him
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"What're these old-timers doin'?"
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and the local says
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"Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they all know all
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the same jokes, so to save extra talkin' they've given 'em all numbers."
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The new feller says
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"That's mighty clever! I think I'll try that."
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and he stands up and says in a loud voice
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"Nineteen!"
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And everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Well, he sits down
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again, and asks the local feller
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"What happened? Why didn't anyone laugh?"
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And the local says
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"Well, son, ya just didn't tell it right..."
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