46 lines
1.5 KiB
Plaintext
46 lines
1.5 KiB
Plaintext
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
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speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
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replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a
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glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I
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take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
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beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded
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to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the
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following note on his door:
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1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
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2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.
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3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
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4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
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5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
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6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
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7)The Father, Son, snd Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior,
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and Spook.
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8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
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9)When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
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was stoned off his ass.
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10)We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
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11)When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and
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eat it, for it is my body", he did not say ,"Eat me."
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12)The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the cherry."
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13)The reccomended grace before a mealis not:"Rub-Adub-dub, thanks for
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the grub, yeah God."
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14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's, not a
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peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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