199 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
199 lines
6.0 KiB
Plaintext
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DYNAMIC UNIVERSAL INDUSTRIES
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"We make advancements everywhere."
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INTEROFFICE MEMO
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To: Mr. Daniel P. Staid
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Board Chairman
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Dynamic Universal Industries, Inc.
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1234 Headlong Drive
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Danbury, Connecticut
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From: Benjamin "Ben" Jackson
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Sales Trainee
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Excelsior Staples
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Office Applications Division
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Fastening Systems Group
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Dynamic Universal Industries,Inc.
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Southern Midwest Office
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1000 Commerce Circle
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Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
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Subject: Office Renovation
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Date: October 10,1989
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Dear Mr. Staid,
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There is a recent condition here that I feel requires your
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immediate attention. It seems that there may be a problem
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with product compatibility.
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Please allow me to preface this letter with a few general
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comments.
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I have been with the Excelsior Staples division for just
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over three months. I feel that it is a fine little
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company and I hope to be able to help it someday achieve
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and maintain the distinction as Dynamic Universal
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Industries' #1 profit maker.
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I realize that you have never heard of me due to my short
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tenure here. Yet please hear me out. I don't intend to
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appear as one who complains but I have taken this up with
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five increasingly higher levels of management and have on
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every occasion been told, "Why don't you go tell the
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Chairman of the Board?"
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The issue at hand has to do with the results of a recent
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office renovation here at Excelsior, performed from my
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third through fifth weeks on the job.
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First I must say that the workmen did an excellent job.
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The new white ceiling tiles, manufactured by Dynamic
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Universal Industries' Styrofoam Reproductions Division,
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accent the existing lighting to its best advantage.
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The new pine-printed paneling (Dynamic Universal
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Industries Wood Simulations Division) on the interior
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petitions adds a sense of dignity and is perfectly
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accented by the fresh pastel paint (DUI's Interior
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Chemicals Division) on the remaining cinder block walls.
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This is all given a feeling of cheerful warmth by the
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brightly colored Duralast (a new product of our Synthetic
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Textiles Division) carpeting.
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And the new restroom fittings (Industrial/Domestic Valve
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Division), having been made from an advanced new material,
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are the most modern and impressive I've seen. I'm certain
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that this is now the most impressive sales office in
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Oklahoma City, if not the entire Midwest.
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I will describe my experiences to the best of my ability.
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Please understand, this is not a quality complaint.
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Having just completed Dynamic Universal's two-week course
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on Statistical Process and Quality Control, Prediction,
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and Assurance, I could not possibly doubt that our
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quality-related documentation is nothing less than the
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best of any in the world.
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The new pastel paint that I referred to before seems to
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have given off an unusual odor. Actually, many of the
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office staff appear to have enjoyed it as they wandered
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through the halls, smiling and talking to themselves in
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hushed tones.
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It wasn't until Mrs. Pennysworth, the Executive Secretary,
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lit a cigarette that anyone began to suspect a problem.
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She appears to have recovered completely now, thanks to
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the wig.
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We did our best to overlook this until the plastic veneer
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on the new paneling began to bubble and peel off. Our
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division being the Staple Supplier to the World, we
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quickly fixed this on our own.
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But when the ceiling tiles began to shrink and fall down
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on us at unpredictable moments, there was nothing we could
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do.
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Yet the other problem is many times worse. You see, Mr.
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Staid, the entire office was carpeted, including the
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restrooms. The new carpet, although quite beautiful, has
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an extreme tendency to `pick up' static electricity. I
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was shocked into realization of this upon my first use of
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the new urinal.
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On the surface this would seem a small concern, but Mr.
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Jack Stevens, our Regional Director of Sales, a fine man
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with over thirty years of service, upon his first
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experience had to be taken out by ambulance! As a result
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of this and their own personal experiences, many of our
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seasoned veterans are taking early retirement.
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Not only will this hurt our long-term performance but it
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has become a major distraction. I must tell you that I
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have witnessed on more than one occasion some of our
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younger salesmen take a running slide into the Mens' room!
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As the nearest public restrooms are located in the Shell
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station two blocks away, our secretaries are now absent
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more than they are present. Frankly I'm lucky to have
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gotten this memo typed at all.
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Should you have the slightest doubt concerning any of
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this, please honor us with a visit and see for yourself.
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Thank you for your time.
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Sincerely,
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Ben Jackson
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BJ: bj
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