78 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
78 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
Beware of the following new computer viruses . . .
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Federal Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
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little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all
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of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
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Dan Quayle Virus - Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe
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just can't figyour out watt.
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Gallup Poll Virus - Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lost 38%
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of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus 3.5 margin of error)
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Paul Revere Virus - Revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It
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warns you of impending hard disk attack once if by LAN, twice
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if by C:
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Politically Correct Virus - never calls itself a "virus", but instead
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refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
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Right to life Virus - Won't allow you to delete a file regardless of
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how old it is. If you attemp to erase a file, it requires you
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first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
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Ross Perot Virus - Activates every component in your system just
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before the whole thing quits.
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Mario Cuomo Virus - It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
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Oprah Winfry Virus - Your 2000 mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 mb,
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then slowly expands back to 200 mb.
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AT&T Virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
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are getting.
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MCI Virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying
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too much for the AT&T Virus.
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Ted Turner Virus - Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
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Arnold Schwarzennegger Virus - Terminates and stays resident. It'll
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be back.
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Government Economist Virus - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
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software says everything is fine.
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New World Order Virus - Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
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people really mad just thinking about it.
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Terry Randle Virus - Yells "Oh, no you don't!" whenever you choose
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"Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.
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Texas Virus - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
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Adam and Eve Virus - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
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Michael Jackson Virus - Hard to identify because it is constantly
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altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC,
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but it will trash your car.
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Congressional Virus - The computer locks up, screen splits eratically
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with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side
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for the problem.
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Airline Virus - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
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Freudian Virus - Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
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own motherboard.
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PBS Virus - Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.
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Elvis Virus - Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self
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destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service
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stations across rural America.
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Ollie North Virus - Turns your printer into a document shredder.
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Nike Virus - Just Does It!
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Sears Virus - Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
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power supply, and a set of shocks.
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Jimmy Hoffa Virus - Nobody can find it.
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Congressional Virus - Runs every program on the hard drive
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simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish
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anything.
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Kevorkian Virus - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
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Imelda Marcos Virus - Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up
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then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it
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all on expensive shoes it purchases throught Prodigy.
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Star Trek Virus - Invades your system in places where no virus has
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gone before.
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Health Care Virus - Test your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
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and sends you a bill for $4,500.
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George Bush Virus - It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test.... no
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new files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free
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space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the
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Congress Virus.
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Cleveland Indians Virus - Makes your 486/50 machine perform like
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a 286/AT.
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LAPD Virus - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your
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PC and erases them in "self-defense."
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Chicago Cubs Virus - Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in
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last in the reviews, but you still love it.
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