155 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
155 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
Best man/Wedding jokes/telegrams
|
|
********************************
|
|
|
|
* The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal -
|
|
- a little bit of breast
|
|
- a little bit of leg
|
|
..... and a lot of stuffing !!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
* Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
|
|
|
|
* Forecast for Wedding...
|
|
Expected development of Warm front, with extreme
|
|
turbulence and moisture in lower regions.
|
|
Good possibility of six inches overnight.
|
|
Sun(son) is expected later on.
|
|
|
|
* Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.
|
|
|
|
* Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently
|
|
and She'll last for many years.
|
|
|
|
* If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
|
|
|
|
* Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass,
|
|
One long hard route.
|
|
|
|
* Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days,
|
|
or you will get a Weak End (Weekend).
|
|
|
|
* Take heed from those who know
|
|
Tie you nightie to your toes
|
|
Close your eyes - hold your nose
|
|
Then see how it goes...
|
|
|
|
* Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give
|
|
his bone to the woman next door.
|
|
|
|
* Treat him like a flower...
|
|
grab him by the stalk.
|
|
|
|
* We are curious to know why you both wanted to borrow the
|
|
black leather boots and bull whip ?
|
|
|
|
* Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes
|
|
you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you
|
|
Pregnant.
|
|
|
|
* Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be
|
|
an Off-Spring next Spring.
|
|
|
|
* Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of
|
|
Bride and Groom Mounted.
|
|
|
|
* Congatulations - rots of ruck - sideways is great.
|
|
|
|
* Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms
|
|
in womans sink.
|
|
|
|
* Don't buy your bed from Grace Brothers (Myers) they stand
|
|
behind everthing they sell.
|
|
|
|
* Hope all your Tries are not converted.
|
|
|
|
* Remember Pearl Harbour... Have fun before the nips come.
|
|
|
|
* A honeymoon should be like a table...
|
|
Four bare legs and no drawers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
"I was engaged myself once. To a contortionist. But she broke it off."
|
|
|
|
* Go west young man, get up the Darling as far as you can.
|
|
|
|
* And the story of the man who called his son Vendetta, because he
|
|
always had it in for him...
|
|
|
|
|
|
* "The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you
|
|
never get to prove it."
|
|
|
|
* Congratulations and best wishes on this very special day.
|
|
Love
|
|
Bill and Mary Farkin
|
|
and the whole farkin family.
|
|
|
|
* The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've
|
|
found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do
|
|
you want from me, sympathy?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
* Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be...
|
|
Firstly, The Marriage Game,
|
|
Followed by, Great Temptation,
|
|
The Untouchables,
|
|
Mission Impossible,
|
|
The Time is Right,
|
|
Rawhide and Bonanza.
|
|
|
|
* They were married on the cricket field, that night they were
|
|
quite wicket, the bride said with a happy smile, I'm sure
|
|
this can't be cricket.
|
|
|
|
* A lifetime in snooker my dearest, it's happened to you,
|
|
so don't forget to chalk his cue and the first game you
|
|
play make sure it's at the end of the day.
|
|
|
|
* Two passing ships making matrimonial knots while fouled
|
|
in each others stern line, recommended inter between course
|
|
69 STOP
|
|
Happy voyage, bottoms up.
|
|
|
|
* See you when tea is ready (read it out loud!)
|
|
|
|
* Congratulations on finding a socket outlet for your plug
|
|
|
|
* Advice to submariners - if torpedo overheats, load tube,
|
|
go deep and eject.
|
|
|
|
* May the Blue bird of happiness crap all over your wedding cake.
|
|
|
|
* Confucious say wife for life is better than wife for strife.
|
|
|
|
* Don't be too liberal at the country party or you'll wind up in
|
|
Labor.
|
|
|
|
* She offered her honour,
|
|
He honoured her offer,
|
|
and all night he was on her and off her.
|
|
|
|
* Be sure to tie your nightie to your toes, 'cos you know
|
|
where the wild goose goes.
|
|
|
|
* Sorry I can't make your wedding, I'm half full under the table.
|
|
|
|
* Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may
|
|
I express an appreciation of your determination to end the
|
|
desperation and frustration which has caused you so much
|
|
consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a
|
|
combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
|
|
|
|
* From the <local name> football club -
|
|
We found he was useless in any position, hope you have more luck.
|
|
|
|
* After a moment of quite repose
|
|
It's tum to tum and toes to toes
|
|
After a moment of sheer delight
|
|
It's back to back for the rest of the night.
|
|
|
|
|
|
* Dear {bride},
|
|
Isn't it funny how history repeats itself?
|
|
{Age of bride} years ago your mum and dad were putting you
|
|
to bed with a dummy - and now it's happening all over again!
|