1068 lines
36 KiB
Plaintext
1068 lines
36 KiB
Plaintext
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12 A middle-aged codger named Bruin
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Found his love life completely a-ruin,
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For he flirted with flirts
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Wearing pants and no skirts,
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And he never got in for no screwin'.
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13 There was a young fellow of Burma
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Whose betrothed had good reason to murmur.
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But now that he's married he's
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Been using cantharides
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And the root of their love is much firmer.
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14 There was a young fellow from Cal.,
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In bed with a passionate gal.
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He leapt from the bed,
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To the toilet he sped;
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Said the gal, "What about me, old pal?"
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15 There was a young man from Calcutta
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Who was heard in his beard to mutter,
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"If her Bartholin glands
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Don't respond to my hands,
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I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."
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16 There once was a kiddie named Carr
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Caught a man on top of his mar.
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As he saw him stick 'er,
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He said with a snicker,
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"You do it much faster than par."
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17 There was a young fellow named Charteris
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Put his hand where his young lady's garter is.
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Said she, "I don't mind,
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And higher up you'll find
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The place where my fucker and farter is."
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18 A young woman got married at Chester,
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Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
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Says she, "You're in luck,
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He's a stunning good fuck,
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For I've had him myself down in Leicester.
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19 "For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,
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"You have told me my bosom is snowy;
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You have made much fine verse on
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Each part of my person,
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Now do something -- there's a good boy!"
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20 A maiden who wrote of big cities
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Some songs full of love, fun and pities,
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Sold her stuff at the shop
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Of a musical wop
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Who played with her soft little titties.
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21 There once was a gouty old colonel
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Who grew glum when the weather grew vernal,
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And he cried in his tiffin
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For his prick wouldn't stiffen,
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And the size of the thing was infernal.
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22 A lady while dining at Crewe
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Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
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Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
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And don't wave it about,
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Or the others will all want one too."
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23 There was a young lady of Dee
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Who went down to the river to pee.
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A man in a punt
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Put his hand on her cunt,
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And God! how I wish it were me.
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24 I never had Miss Defauw,
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But it wouldn't have been quite so raw
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If she'd only said "No"
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When I wanted her so;
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But she didn't -- she laughed and said "Naw!"
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25 A beautiful bell of Del Norte
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Is reckoned disdainful and haughrty
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Because during the day
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She says: "Boys, keep away!"
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But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.
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26 A young man by a girl was desired
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To give her the thrills she required,
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But he died of old age
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Ere his cock could assuage
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The volcanic desire it inspired.
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27 There was a young lady of Dover
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Whose passion was such that it drove her
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To cry, when you came,
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"Oh dear! What a shame!
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Well, now we shall have to start over."
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28 There was a young man of Dumfries
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Who said to his girl, "If you please,
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It would give me great bliss
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If, while playing with this,
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You would pay some attention to these!"
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29 There was a young lady of Ealing
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And her lover before her was kneeling.
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Said she, "Dearest Jim,
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Take your hands off my quim;
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I much prefer fucking to feeling."
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30 A lonely young lad of Eaton
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Used always to sleep with the heat on,
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Till he ran into a lass
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Who showed him her ass --
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Now they sleep with only a sheet on.
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31 There was a young lady of Exeter,
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So pretty, that men craned their necks at her.
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One was even so brave
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As to take out and wave
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The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
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32 There was a young lady of fashion
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Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
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To her lover she said,
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As they climbed into bed,
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"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
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33 There was a young girl in Dakota
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Had a letter from Ickes; he wrote her:
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"In addition to gas
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We are rationing ass,
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And you've greatly exceeded your quota."
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34 There was a young lady named Flynn
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Who thought fornication a sin,
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But when she was tight
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It seemed quite all right,
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So everyone filled her with gin.
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35 A reckless young lady of France
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Had no qualms about taking a chance,
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But she thought it was crude
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To get screwed in the nude,
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So she always went home with damp pants.
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36 A nervous young fellow named Fred
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Took a charming young widow to bed.
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When he'd diddled a while
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She remarked with a smile,
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"You've got it all in but the head."
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37 There was a young fellow named Fyfe
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Whose marriage was ruined for life,
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For he had an aversion
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To every perversion
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And only liked fucking his wife.
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Well, one year the poor woman struck,
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And she wept, and she cursed at her luck,
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And said, "Where have you gotten us
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With your goddamn monotonous
|
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Fuck after fuck after fuck?
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"I once knew a harlot named Lou --
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And a versatile girl she was, too.
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After ten years of whoredom
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She perished of boredom
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When she married a jackass like you!"
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40 There was a young lady of Gloucester,
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Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
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She wasn't much hurt,
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But he dirtied her skirt,
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So think of the anguish it cost her.
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41 There was a young lady of Gloucester
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Whose friends they thought they had lost her
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Till they found on the grass
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The marks of her arse,
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And the knees of the man who had crossed her.
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42 There was a young fellow named Goody
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Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?
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If he found himself nude
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With a gal in the mood
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The question's not woody but could he?
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43 In my sweet little Alice Blue gown
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Was the first time I ever laid down,
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I was both proud and shy
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As he opened his fly
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And the moment I saw it I thought I would die.
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Oh it hung almost down to the ground,
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As it went in I made not a sound,
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The more that he shoved it
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The more that I loved it,
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As he came on my Alice Blue gown.
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45 In my sweet little night gown of blue,
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On the first night that I slept with you,
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I was both shy and scared
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As the bed was prepared,
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And you played peekaboo with my ribbons of blue.
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As we both watched the break of day,
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And in peaceful submission I lay,
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You said you adored it
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But dammit, you tore it,
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My sweet little night gown of blue.
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47 Winter is here with his grouch,
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The time when you sneeze and slouch.
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You can't take your women
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Canoein' or swimmin',
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But a lot can be done on a couch.
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48 It always delights me at Hank's
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To walk up the old river banks.
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One time in the grass
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I stepped on an ass,
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And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."
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49 There was a young girl from Hong Kong
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Who said, "You are utterly wrong
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To say my vagina
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's the largest in China
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Just because of your mean little dong."
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50 There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel
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Who said, "They can all go to hell!
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What they do to my wife --
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Why it ruins my life;
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And the worst is they all do it well."
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51 There was a young man named Hughes
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Who swore off all kinds of booze.
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He said, "When I'm muddled
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My senses get fuddled,
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And I pass up too many screws."
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52 There were three ladies of Huxham,
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And whenever we meets 'em we fucks 'em,
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And when that game grows stale
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We sits on a rail,
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And pulls out our pricks and they sucks 'em.
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53 There was a young lady named Inge
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Who went on a binge with a dinge.
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Now I won't breathe a word
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O f what really occured --
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But her cunt has a chocolate fringe.
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54 An octagenerian Jew
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To his wife remained steadfastly true.
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This was not from compunction,
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But due to dysfunction
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Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.
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55 "Snyder's got a stiff ticket," said Kay,
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"Come on, take it out, and let's play."
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He pulled it on out,
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But she started to pout,
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His ticket was only a quarter-inch stout.
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56 A pansy who lived in Khartoum
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Took a lesbian up to his room,
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And they argued all night
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Over who had the right
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To do what, and with which, and to whom.
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57 There was an old lady who lay
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With her legs wide apart in the hay,
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Then, calling the ploughman,
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She said, "Do it now, man!
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Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."
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58 There was a young lady of Lee
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Who scrambled up into a tree,
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When she got there
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Her arsehole was bare,
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And so was her K U N T.
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59 A worn-out young husband named Lehr
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Her daily his wife's plaintive prayer:
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"Slip on a sheath, quick,
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Then slip your big dick
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Between these lips covered with hair."
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60 There was a young plumber of Leigh
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Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
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She said, "Stop the plumbing,
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There's somebody coming!"
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Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."
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61 Il y avait un plombier, Francois,
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Qui plombait sa femme dans le Bois.
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Dit-elle, "Arretez!
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J'entends quelqu'un venait."
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Dit le plombier, en plombant, "C'est moi."
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62 Es gibt ein Arbeiter von Tinz,
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Er schlaft mit ein Madel von Linz.
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Sie sagt, "Halt sein' plummen,
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Ich hore Mann kommen."
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"Jacht, jacht," sagt der Plummer, "Ich binz."
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63 Prope mare erat tubulator
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Qui virginem ingrediebatur.
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Dessine ingressus
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Audivi progressus:
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Est mihi inquit tubulator.
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64 Have you heard of knock-kneed Samuel McGuzzum
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Who married Samantha, his bow-legged cousin?
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Some people say,
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Love finds a way,
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But for Sam and Samantha it doesn'.
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65 In bed Dr. Oscar McPugh
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Spoke of Spengler -- and ate crackers too.
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His wife said, "Oh, stuff
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That philosophy guff
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Up your ass, dear, and throw me a screw!"
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66 There was a young lady named Maud
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A terrible society fraud:
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In company, I'm told
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She was awfully cold.
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But if you got her alone, Oh God!
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67 There was a young lady named May
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Who strolled in a park by the way,
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And she met a youg man
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Who fucked her and ran --
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Now she goes to the park every day.
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68 There once was a Swede in Minneapolis,
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Discovered his sex life was hapless:
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The more he would screw
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The more he'd want to,
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And he feared he would soon be quite sapless.
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69 There was a young dolly named Molly
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Who thought that to frig was a folly.
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Said she, "Your pee-pee
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Means nothing to me,
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But I'll do it just to be jolly."
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70 Of his face she thought not very much,
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But then, at the very first touch,
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Her attitude shifted --
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He was terribly gifted
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At frigging and fucking and such.
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71 The King plugged the Queen's ass with mustard
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To make her fuck hot, but got flustered,
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And cried, "Oh, my dear,
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I am coming, I fear,
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But the mustard will make you come `plus tard'."
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72 There was a young lad from Nahant
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Who was made like the Sensitve Plant.
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When asked, "Do you fuck?"
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He replied, "No such luck.
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I would if I could but I can't."
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73 There was a young man of Natal
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Who was fucking a Hottentot gal.
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Said she, "You're a sluggard!"
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Said he, "You be buggered!
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I like to fuck slow and I shall."
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74 There was a young man of Natal
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And Sue was the name of his gal.
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One day, north of Aden,
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He got his hard rod in,
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And came clear up Suez Canal.
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75 There was a gay dog from Ontario
|
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Who fancied himself a Lothario.
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At a wench's glance
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He'd snatch off his pants
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And make for her Mons Venerio.
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76 There was a young man of Ostend
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Who let a girl play with his end.
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She took hold of Rover,
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And felt it all over,
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And it did what she didn't intend.
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77 There was a young man of Ostend
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Whose wife caught him fucking her friend.
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"It's no use, my duck,
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Interrupting our fuck,
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For I'm damned if I draw till I spend."
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78 There was a young fellow from Parma
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Who was solemnly screwing his charmer.
|
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Said the damsel, demure,
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"You'll excuse me, I'm sure,
|
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But I must say you fuck like a farmer."
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79 A newly-wed man of Peru
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Found himself in a terrible stew:
|
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His wife was in bed
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Much deader than dead,
|
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And so he had no one to screw.
|
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|
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80 There was a young girl of Pitlochry
|
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Who was had by a man in a rockery.
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Sh said, "Oh! You've come
|
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All over my bum;
|
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This isn't a fuck -- it's a mockery."
|
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|
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81 There was a young lady from Prentice
|
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Who had an affair with a dentist.
|
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To make things easier
|
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He used anesthesia,
|
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And diddled her, `non compos mentis'.
|
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|
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82 There was a young man with a prick
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Which into his wife he would stick
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Every morning and night
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If it stood up all right --
|
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Not a very remarkable trick.
|
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|
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His wife had a nice little cunt:
|
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It was hairy, and soft, and in front,
|
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And with this she would fuck him,
|
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Though sometimes she'd suck him --
|
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A charming, if commonplace, stunt.
|
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|
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84 There was a young man from Purdue
|
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Who was only just learning to screw,
|
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But he hadn't the knack,
|
||
And he got too far back --
|
||
In the right church, but in the wrong pew.
|
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|
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85 A young lady sat on a quay,
|
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Just as propper as propper could be.
|
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A young fellow goosed her,
|
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And roughly seduced her,
|
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So she thanked him and went home to tea.
|
||
|
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86 I once was annoyed by a queer
|
||
Who made his intentions quite clear.
|
||
Said I, "I'm no prude,
|
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So don't think me rude,
|
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But I'm already stewed, screwed, and tattooed."
|
||
|
||
87 A young wife in the outskirts of Reims
|
||
Preferred frigging to going to mass.
|
||
Said her husband, "Take Jacques,
|
||
Or any young cock,
|
||
For I cannot live up to your ass."
|
||
|
||
88 The King named Oedipus Rex
|
||
Who started this fuss about sex
|
||
Put the world to great pains
|
||
By the spots and the stains
|
||
Which he made on his mother's pubex.
|
||
|
||
89 Now hear this fair lass from Rhode Isle
|
||
Who said with a wink and a smile,
|
||
"Sure, please stick it in,
|
||
Be it thick be it thin,
|
||
But if's rough I won't do as a file."
|
||
|
||
90 There was a young lady of Rhyll
|
||
In an omnibus was taken ill,
|
||
So she called the conductor,
|
||
Who got in and fucked her,
|
||
Which did more good than a pill.
|
||
|
||
91 There was a young German named Ringer
|
||
Who was screwing an opera singer.
|
||
Said he with a grin,
|
||
"Well, I've sure got it in!"
|
||
Said she, "You mean that ain't your finger?"
|
||
|
||
92 A young violinist from Rio
|
||
Was seducing a lady named Cleo.
|
||
As she took down her panties
|
||
She said, "No andantes;
|
||
I want this allegro con brio!"
|
||
|
||
93 A young Juliet of St. Louis
|
||
On a balcony stood acting screwy.
|
||
Her Romeo climbed,
|
||
But he wasn't well timed,
|
||
And half-way up, off he went -- blooey!
|
||
|
||
94 Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
|
||
When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
|
||
"You must sieze it, and squeeze it,
|
||
And tease it, and please it,
|
||
For Rome wasn't built in a day."
|
||
|
||
95 There was a young man from Siam
|
||
Who said, "I go in with a wham,
|
||
But I soon lose my starch
|
||
Like the mad month of March,
|
||
And the lion comes out like a lamb."
|
||
|
||
96 Prince Absalom lay with his sister
|
||
And bundled and nibbled and kissed her,
|
||
But the kid was so tight,
|
||
And it was deep night --
|
||
Though he shot at the target, he missed her.
|
||
|
||
97 There was a young fellow named Skinner
|
||
Who took a young lady to dinner
|
||
At a quarter to nine
|
||
They sat down to dine;
|
||
At twenty to ten it was in her.
|
||
The dinner, not Skinner --
|
||
Skinner was in her before dinner.
|
||
|
||
There was a young fellow named Tupper
|
||
Who took a young lady to supper.
|
||
At a quarter to nine
|
||
They sat down to dine,
|
||
And at twenty to ten it was up her.
|
||
Not the supper -- not Tupper --
|
||
It was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner!
|
||
|
||
99 "My back aches. My penis is sore.
|
||
I simply can't fuck any more.
|
||
I'm dripping with sweat,
|
||
And you haven't come yet;
|
||
And, my God! it's a quarter to four!"
|
||
|
||
100 There was a young lady of Spain
|
||
Who took down her pants on a train.
|
||
There was ayoung porter
|
||
Saw more than he orter,
|
||
And asked her to do it again.
|
||
|
||
101 There was a young man of high station
|
||
Who was found by a pious relation
|
||
Making love in a ditch
|
||
To -- I won't say a bitch --
|
||
But a woman of no reputation.
|
||
|
||
102 There once was a dentist named Stone
|
||
Who saw all his patients alone.
|
||
In a fit of depravity
|
||
He filled the wrong cavity,
|
||
And my, how his practice has grown!
|
||
|
||
103 A sailor who slept in the sun
|
||
Woke to find his fly buttons undone.
|
||
He remarked with a smile,
|
||
"Jesus Christ, a sundial!
|
||
And it's now a quarter past one."
|
||
|
||
104 A plumber whose name was Ten Brink
|
||
Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink.
|
||
Her resistance was stout,
|
||
And Ten Bring petered out
|
||
With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.
|
||
|
||
105 The spouse of a pretty young thing
|
||
Came home from the wars in the spring.
|
||
He was lame but he came
|
||
With his dame like a flame --
|
||
A discharge is a wondeful thing.
|
||
|
||
106 I wonder what my wife will want tonight;
|
||
Wonder if the wife will fuss and fight?
|
||
I wonder can she tell
|
||
That I've been raising hell;
|
||
Wonder if she'll know that I've been tight?
|
||
|
||
My wife is just as nice as can be,
|
||
I hope she doesn't feel to nice toward me,
|
||
For an afternoon of joy
|
||
Is hell on the old boy.
|
||
I wonder what the wife will want tonight!
|
||
|
||
108 There's an unbroken babe from Toronto,
|
||
Exceedingly hard to get onto,
|
||
But when you get there,
|
||
And have parted the hair,
|
||
You can fuck her as much as you want to.
|
||
|
||
109 Une joile epousetta a Tours
|
||
Voulait de gig-gig tous le jours.
|
||
Mais le mari disait, "Non!
|
||
De trop n'est pas bon!
|
||
Mon derriere exige du secours!"
|
||
|
||
110 A pretty wife living in Tours
|
||
Demanded her daily amour.
|
||
But the husband said, "No!
|
||
It's to much. Let it go!
|
||
My backsides are dragging the floor."
|
||
|
||
111 In the shade of the old apple tree
|
||
Where between her fat legs I could see
|
||
A little brown spot
|
||
With the hair in a knot,
|
||
And it certainly looked good to me.
|
||
|
||
I asked as I tickled her tit
|
||
If she thought that my big thing would fit.
|
||
She said it would do
|
||
So we had a good screw
|
||
In the shade of the old apple tree.
|
||
|
||
In the shade of the old apple tree
|
||
I got all that was coming to me.
|
||
In the soft dewy grass
|
||
I had a fine piece of ass
|
||
From a maiden that was fine to see.
|
||
|
||
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
|
||
As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
|
||
Her ass it was fine
|
||
But you should have seen mine
|
||
In the shade of the old apple tree.
|
||
|
||
115 A lad from far-off Transvaal
|
||
Was lustful, but tactful withal.
|
||
He'd say, just for luck,
|
||
"Mam'selle, do you fuck?"
|
||
But he'd bow till he almost would crawl.
|
||
|
||
116 There was a young lady of Twickenham
|
||
Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
|
||
On her knees every day
|
||
To god she would pray
|
||
To lengthen and stregthen and thicken 'em.
|
||
|
||
117 There was a young lady named Twiss
|
||
Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
|
||
For it tickled her bum
|
||
And caused her to come
|
||
.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
|
||
|
||
118 There once was a husky young Viking
|
||
Whose sexual prowess was striking.
|
||
Every time he got hot
|
||
He would scour the twat
|
||
Of some girl that might be to his liking.
|
||
|
||
119 At the moment Japan declared war
|
||
A sailor was fucking a whore.
|
||
He said, "After this poke
|
||
`Long and hard' ain't no joke;
|
||
This means months till I get back ashore."
|
||
|
||
120 There was a young lady of Wheeling
|
||
Said to her beau, "I've a feeling
|
||
My little brown jug
|
||
Has need of a plug" --
|
||
And straightaway she started to peeling.
|
||
|
||
121 Two anglers were fishing off Wight
|
||
And his bobber was dipping all night.
|
||
Murmured she, with a laugh,
|
||
"It's ready to gaff,
|
||
But don't break your rod which is light."
|
||
|
||
A couple was fishing near Clombe
|
||
When the maid began looking quite glum,
|
||
And said, "Bother the fish!
|
||
I'd rather coish!"
|
||
Which they did -- which was why they had come.
|
||
|
||
As two consular clerks in Madras
|
||
Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
|
||
"What a marvelous pole,"
|
||
Said she, "but control
|
||
Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."
|
||
|
||
124 Love letters no longer they write us,
|
||
To their homes they so seldom invite us.
|
||
It grieves me to say,
|
||
They have learned with dismay,
|
||
We can't cure their `vulva pruritus'.
|
||
|
||
125 There was a young student from Yale
|
||
Who was getting his first piece of tail.
|
||
He shoved in his pole,
|
||
But in the wrong hole,
|
||
And a voice from beneath yelled: "No sale!"
|
||
|
||
126 In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
|
||
Complacently stroking his madam,
|
||
And loud was his mirth
|
||
For on all of the earth
|
||
There were only two balls -- and he had 'em.
|
||
|
||
127 There was a young bride of Antigua
|
||
Whose husband said, "Dear me, how big you are!"
|
||
Said the girl, "What damn'd rot!
|
||
Why, you've only felt my twot,
|
||
My legs and my arse and my figua!"
|
||
|
||
128 There was a young damsel named Baker
|
||
Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker.
|
||
He yelled, "My God! what
|
||
Do you call this -- a twat?
|
||
Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"
|
||
|
||
129 There was once a mechanic named Bench
|
||
Whose best tool was a sturdy gut-wrench.
|
||
With this vibrant device
|
||
He could reach, in a trice,
|
||
The innermost parts of a wench.
|
||
|
||
130 There was a young man of Bengal
|
||
Who swore he had only one ball,
|
||
But two little bitches
|
||
Unbuttoned his britches,
|
||
And found he had no balls at all.
|
||
|
||
131 A chippy who worked in Black Bluff
|
||
Had a pussy as large as a muff.
|
||
It had room for both hands
|
||
And some intimate glands,
|
||
And was soft as a little ducks's fluff.
|
||
|
||
132 There was a young lady named Blount
|
||
Who had a rectangular cunt.
|
||
She learned for diversion
|
||
Posterior perversion,
|
||
Since no one could fit here in front.
|
||
|
||
133 There was a young fellow named Bowen
|
||
Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'.
|
||
It grew so tremendous,
|
||
So long and so pendulous,
|
||
'Twas no godd for fuckin' -- just showin'.
|
||
|
||
134 There was a young lady named Brent
|
||
With a cunt of enormous extent,
|
||
And so deep and so wide,
|
||
The acoustics inside
|
||
Were so good you could hear when you spent.
|
||
|
||
135 There was a young girl from the Bronix
|
||
Who had a vagina of onyx.
|
||
She had so much `tsoris'
|
||
With her clitoris,
|
||
She traded it in for a Packard.
|
||
|
||
136 There was a young lady from Brussels
|
||
Who was proud of her vaginal muscles.
|
||
She could easily plex them
|
||
And so interflex them
|
||
As to whistle love songs through her bustles.
|
||
|
||
137 There was a young lady of Bude
|
||
Who walked down the street in the nude.
|
||
A bobby said, "Whattum
|
||
Magnificent bottom!"
|
||
And slapped it as hard as he could.
|
||
|
||
138 There once was a queen of Bulgaria
|
||
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
|
||
Till a prince from Peru
|
||
Who came up for a screw
|
||
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
|
||
|
||
139 There was a young girl of Cah'lina,
|
||
Had a very capricious vagina:
|
||
To the shock of the fucker
|
||
"Twould suddenly pucker,
|
||
And whistle the chorus of "Dinah."
|
||
|
||
140 A lady with features cherubic
|
||
Was famed for her area pubic.
|
||
When they asked her its size
|
||
She replied in surprise,
|
||
"Are you speaking of square feet, or cubic?"
|
||
|
||
141 There was a fat lady of China
|
||
Who'd a really enormous vagina,
|
||
And when she was dead
|
||
They painted it red,
|
||
And used it for docking a liner.
|
||
|
||
142 I met a young man in Chungking
|
||
Who had a very long thing --
|
||
But you'll guess my surprise
|
||
When I found that its size
|
||
Just measured a third-finger ring!
|
||
|
||
143 There was a young man of Coblenz
|
||
Whose ballocks were simply immense:
|
||
It took forty-four draymen,
|
||
A priest and three laymen
|
||
To carry them thither and thence.
|
||
|
||
144 There was an old man of Connaught
|
||
Whose prick was remarkably short.
|
||
When he got into bed
|
||
The old woman said,
|
||
"This isn't a prick, it's a wart."
|
||
|
||
145 There once was a girl from Cornell
|
||
Whose teats were shaped like a bell.
|
||
When you touched them they shrunk,
|
||
Except when she was drunk,
|
||
And then they got bigger than hell.
|
||
|
||
146 There once was a lady of Crete
|
||
So enormously broad in the beam
|
||
That one day in the ocean
|
||
She caused such commotion
|
||
That Admiral Byrd claimed her for America.
|
||
|
||
147 There was a young fellow named Cribbs
|
||
Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
|
||
They were inches apart,
|
||
And to suck it took art,
|
||
While to fuck it took forty-two trips.
|
||
|
||
148 There was a young lady whose cunt
|
||
Could accomodate a small punt.
|
||
Her mother said, "Annie,
|
||
It matches your fanny,
|
||
Which never was that of a runt."
|
||
|
||
149 There's a young Yiddish slut with two cunts,
|
||
Whose pleasure in life is to pruntz.
|
||
When one pireg is shot,
|
||
There's that alternate twat,
|
||
But the ausgefuckt male merely grunts.
|
||
|
||
150 There was a young man from Dallas
|
||
Who had an exceptional phallus.
|
||
He couldn't find room
|
||
In any girl's womb
|
||
Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.
|
||
|
||
151 There was a young girl of Des Moines
|
||
Whose cunt could be fitted with coins,
|
||
Till a guy from Hoboken
|
||
Went and dropped in a token,
|
||
And now she rides free on the ferry.
|
||
|
||
152 To his bride said the keen-eyed detective,
|
||
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
|
||
Has the east tit the least bit
|
||
The best of the west tit,
|
||
Or is it the faulty perspective?"
|
||
|
||
153 There was a young girl of Detroit
|
||
Who at fucking was very adroit:
|
||
She could squeeze her vagina
|
||
To a pin-point, or finer,
|
||
Or open it out like a quoit.
|
||
|
||
And she had a friend named Durand
|
||
Whose cock could contract or expand.
|
||
He could diddle a midge
|
||
Or the arch of a bridge --
|
||
Their performance together was grand!
|
||
|
||
155 There was a young man of Devizes
|
||
Whose balls were of different sizes.
|
||
His tool when at ease,
|
||
Hung down to his knees,
|
||
Oh, what must it be when it rises!
|
||
|
||
156 Visas erat: huic geminarum
|
||
Dispar modus testicularum:
|
||
Minor haec nihili,
|
||
Palma triplici,
|
||
Jam fecerat altera clarum.
|
||
|
||
157 There was a young fellow whose dong
|
||
Was prodigiously massive and long.
|
||
On each side of his whang
|
||
Two testes did hang
|
||
That attracted a curious throng.
|
||
|
||
158 There was a young man from East Wubley
|
||
Whose cock was bifurcated doubly.
|
||
Each quadruplicate shaft
|
||
Had two balls hanging aft,
|
||
And the general effect was quite lovely.
|
||
|
||
159 While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
|
||
Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
|
||
She explained, "They are flat,
|
||
But think nothing of that --
|
||
You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
|
||
|
||
160 There was a young fellow from Florida
|
||
Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her.
|
||
When they got into bed
|
||
He cried, "God strike me dead!
|
||
This ain't a cunt -- it's a corridor!"
|
||
|
||
161 An old man at the Folies Bergere
|
||
Had a jock, a most wondrous affair:
|
||
It snipped off a twat-curl
|
||
From each new chorus girl,
|
||
And he had a wig made of the hair.
|
||
|
||
162 There was a young man with one foot
|
||
Who had a very long root.
|
||
If he used this peg
|
||
As an extra leg
|
||
Is a question exceedingly moot.
|
||
|
||
163 In the case of a lady named Frost,
|
||
Whose cunt's a good two feet acrost,
|
||
It's the best part of valor
|
||
To bugger the gal, or
|
||
You're apt to fall in and get lost.
|
||
|
||
164 A certain young person of Ghent,
|
||
Uncertain if lady or gent,
|
||
Shows his organs at large
|
||
For a small handling charge
|
||
To assist him in paying the rent.
|
||
|
||
165 There was an old woman of Ghent
|
||
Who swore that her cunt had no scent.
|
||
She got fucked so often
|
||
At last she got rotten,
|
||
And didn't she stink when she spent.
|
||
|
||
166 There was a young man from Glengozzle
|
||
Who found a remarkable fossil.
|
||
He knew by the bend
|
||
And the wart on the end,
|
||
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.
|
||
|
||
167 There was a young fellow of Greenwich
|
||
Whose balls were all covered with spinach.
|
||
He had such a tool
|
||
It was wound on a spool,
|
||
And he reeled it out inich by inich.
|
||
|
||
But this tale has an unhappy finich,
|
||
For due to the sand in the spinach
|
||
His ballocks grew rough
|
||
And wrecked his wife's muff,
|
||
And scratched up her thatch in the scrimmage.
|
||
|
||
169 A mathematician named Hall
|
||
Had a hexhedronical ball,
|
||
And the cube of its weight
|
||
Times his pecker, plus eight,
|
||
Was four fifths of five eighths of fuck-all.
|
||
|
||
170 There was a young fellow of Harrow
|
||
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
|
||
He said to his tart,
|
||
"How's this for a start?
|
||
My balls are outside in a barrow."
|
||
|
||
171 There was a young fellow named Harry,
|
||
Had a joint that was long, huge and scary.
|
||
He pressed it on a virgin
|
||
Who, without any urgin',
|
||
Immeadiately spread like a fairy.
|
||
|
||
172 There was a young girl named Heather
|
||
Whose twitcher was made out of leather.
|
||
She made a queer noise,
|
||
Which attracted the boys,
|
||
By flapping the edges together.
|
||
|
||
173 There was an old curate of Hestion
|
||
Who'd errect at the slightest suggestion.
|
||
But so small was his tool
|
||
He could scarce screw a spool,
|
||
And a cunt was quite out of the question.
|
||
|
||
174 There was a young man from Hong Kong
|
||
Who had a trifurcated prong:
|
||
A small one for sucking,
|
||
A large one for fucking,
|
||
And a `boney' for beating a gong.
|
||
|
||
175 A fellow whose surname was Hunt
|
||
Trained his cock to perform a slick stunt:
|
||
This versatile spout
|
||
Could be turned inside out,
|
||
Like a glove, and be used a s a cunt.
|
||
|
||
176 Alas for the Countess d'Isere,
|
||
Whose muff wasn't furnished with hair.
|
||
Said the Count, "Quelle surprise!"
|
||
When he parted her thighs;
|
||
"Magnifique! Pourtant pas de la guerre."
|
||
|
||
177 A highly aesthetic young Jew
|
||
Had eyes of a heavenly blue;
|
||
The end of his dillie
|
||
Was shaped like a lilly,
|
||
And his balls were too utterly two!
|
||
|
||
178 There once was a lady from Kansas
|
||
Whose cunt was as big as Bonanzas.
|
||
It was nine inches deep
|
||
And the sides were quite steep --
|
||
It had whiskers like General Carranza's.
|
||
|
||
179 Oh, pity the Duchess of Kent!
|
||
Her cunt is so dreadfully bent,
|
||
The poor wench doth stammer,
|
||
"I need a sledgehammer
|
||
To pound a man into my vent."
|
||
|
||
180 There was an old gent from Kentuck
|
||
Who boasted a filigreed schmuck,
|
||
But he put it away
|
||
For fear that one day
|
||
He might put it in and get stuck.
|
||
|
||
181 There was an old lady of Kewry
|
||
Whose cunt was a `lusus naturae':
|
||
The `introitus vaginae',
|
||
Was unnaturally tiny,
|
||
And the thought of it filled her with fury.
|
||
|
||
182 There was a young fellow named Kimble
|
||
Whose prick was exceedingly nimble,
|
||
But fragile and slender,
|
||
And dainty and tender,
|
||
So he kept it encased in a thimble.
|
||
|
||
183 There was a young man of Lahore
|
||
Whose prick was one inch and no more.
|
||
It was all right for key-holes
|
||
And little girl's pee-holes,
|
||
But not worth a damn with a whore.
|
||
|
||
184 There once was a horse named Lily
|
||
Whose dingus was really a dilly.
|
||
It was vaginoid duply,
|
||
And labial quadruply --
|
||
In fact, he was really a filly.
|
||
|
||
185 There was a young fellow from Leeds
|
||
Who swallowed a package of seeds.
|
||
Great tufts of grass
|
||
Sprouted out of his ass
|
||
And his balls were all covered with weeds.
|
||
|
||
186 The wife of young Richard of Limerick
|
||
Complained to her husband, "My quim, Rick,
|
||
Still grows in diameter
|
||
Each time that you ram at her;
|
||
How can your poor tool stay so slim, Rick?"
|
||
|
||
187 There was a young lady of Lincoln
|
||
Who said that her cunt was a pink'un,
|
||
So she had a prick lent her
|
||
Which turned it magenta,
|
||
This artful old lady of Lincoln.
|
||
|
||
188 There was a young girl of LLewellyn
|
||
Whose breasts were as big as a melon.
|
||
They were big it is true,
|
||
But here cunt was big too,
|
||
Like a bifocal, full-color, aerial view
|
||
Of Cape Horn and the Straits of Magellan.
|
||
|