136 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
136 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
Article 1307 of eunet.jokes:
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Path: santra!tut!draken!kth!enea!mcvax!ukc!cs.tcd.ie!tcdmath!pdermody
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From: pdermody@maths.tcd.ie (Paul Dermody)
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Newsgroups: eunet.jokes
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Subject: Elephant jokes.
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Message-ID: <138@maths.tcd.ie>
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Date: 18 Nov 88 16:13:55 GMT
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Reply-To: pdermody@maths.tcd.ie (Paul Dermody)
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Distribution: eunet.jokes
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Organization: Maths Dept., Trinity College, Dublin
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Lines: 121
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Some elephant Gems.
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How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
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It's bike is outside.
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How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
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There is a dent in the cross-bar.
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How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
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Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
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How does an elephant get down from a tree?
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It doesn't, You get down from a duck.
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How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
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Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
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Bloody great holes all over Australia.
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Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkley?
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Because, if it was small round and white it would be an Aspirin.
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How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
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Your nose is touching the ceiling.
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What's big, red and slimey?
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An inside-out elephant.
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Why do elephants wear sandles?
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So that they don't sink in the sand.
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Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
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To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandles.
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What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
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"Look, There's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
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What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over
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the hill?
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Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
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How do you make a dead elephant float?
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Well, you take 10 dead elaphants, 10 tonnes of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tonnes
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of bananas,.....
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Why shouln't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
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Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.
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What is a furry alligator?
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A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
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Why don't elephants like penguins?
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They can't get the wrapper off.(Too whom it may concern: Penguins are biscuits)
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Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
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So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
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Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
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No? Well, it must work so.
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****** There now follows a few possibly offensive elephant jokes ******
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****** Elephants and decent subscribers press 'n' now. ******
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Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
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So they can hide in cherry trees.
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How did Tarzan die?
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Yup, Picking cherries.
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What do elephants use as vibraters?
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Epileptic pigmies.
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An elephant is walking through the jungle when she gets a thorn in
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her foot. She is in absolute agony until an ant strolls by.
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So the elephant says "Help me, help me."
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But the ant refuses unless the elephants agrees to let the ant have his
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wicked way with her. Replys the elephant, "Anything! Anything!"
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So, out comes the thorn and up gets the ant and proceeds to enjoy himself.
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Meanwhile, in a tree directly above them, a monkey, who witnessed the
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whole episode, was in knots of laughter. Consequently he fell out of the tree
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on top of the elephant.
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Says the elephant "Ouch!"
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Says the ant, in his own little frenzy, "Suffer BITCH, SUFFER!!!"
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What do you do if an elephant comes in the window?
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Swim for your life.
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--
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Paul Dermody: Trinity | "Don't worry, you'll get a fair trial....followed
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College, Dublin, IRL. | by a first-class hanging." : Silverado.
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