67 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
67 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
HOW TO KILL A MISSOURI EEL
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Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age, rather
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curious. He had been hearing quite a lot about "COURTING" from the older
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boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his
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questions to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
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things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and
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watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following
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morning Johnny described everything in detail to his mother:
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Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off
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most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis
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must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have
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thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart,
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just like a doctor would, except he's not as smart as the doctor because he
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seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
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I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them
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started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been
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cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, Sis got worse and
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began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the
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couch. This was when the fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis
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told him she felt really hot.
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Finally, I found out just what was making them so sick. A big eel
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had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
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stood there about ten inches long. Honest ! Anyway, he grabbed it in one
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hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared
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and her eyes got big. Her mouth fell open and she started calling out to God
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and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen. I
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should tell her about the ones down at the lake.
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Anyway, she got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head
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off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit
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her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he
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took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it
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from biting again.
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Sis laid back and spread her legs so that she could get a scissor
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lock on it and he helped her by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a
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hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost
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upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between
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them.
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After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
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boyfriend got up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead
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because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out.
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Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they
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went back to courting anyway. He started hugging her and kissing her again.
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By golly, the eel wasn't dead !!! It jumped straight up and started to fight
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again. I guess eels are like cats, they have nine lives or something.
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This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it.
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After a 35 minute struggle they finally did kill the eel. I knew it was real
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ly dead because Sis's boyfriend peeled its skin off and flushed it down the t
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oilet.
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