63 lines
1.9 KiB
Plaintext
63 lines
1.9 KiB
Plaintext
COMPUTER DAFFY-NITIONS
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RESOLUTION: What you need to purchase a $3,000.00
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computer that you know will be obsolete before you
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finish paying for it.
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READ ONLY MEMORY: Memory that is so expensive you
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can only read about it.
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MULTI-MEDIA: Reading the newspaper while watching
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cartoons on television and listening to Rush
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Limbaugh on the radio.
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MONITOR: What your boss is probably doing to your
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network e-mail messages.
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NET-WORK: What Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabaar
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and Michael Jordan are famous for.
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MOUSE PAD: Where Mickey takes Minnie after the cartoon
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is over.
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RAM-CACHE: Money you spend to increase your computer's
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memory capacity.
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MEMORY CHIPS: Available in barbecue, sour cream and
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onion, and the ever popular regular flavor.
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DIP SWITCH: When someone replaces your onion dip with
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that cheap bean dip everyone hates.
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STATIC RAM: Memory chips that just sit in a drawer
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somewhere because they aren't compatible with your
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latest upgrade.
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HARD DRIVE: The 460 yard par 4 17th hole at Pebble Beach.
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ARCHIVE: A nest of buzzing stinging arcs.
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ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE: The language used to describe how
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to put bicycles,swing sets and other large objects
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together. Probably a derivative of non-linear B, which
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has never been translated to English.
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BACKUP: What your spouse makes you do when you stop in
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front of the computer shop.
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KEYBORED: That lazy feeling you get after three hours
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of retyping your company's quarterly report.
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MOUSE-CLIQUE: Uppity computer users who brag about
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their mouse-compatible computers.
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MEGA-BITE: The chunk of money removed from your wallet
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when you bought your computer.
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PRO-GRAM: A grandmother who has renounced her amateur status.
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AUTOMATRON: A programmable grandmother.
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RE-CURSION: What a programmer does (says) when his program repeatively
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doesn't work.
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