109 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
109 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
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LOCALE: London
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Prologue: The British government's policy of socialized medicine has
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been broadened to include "proxy papas". This provides for any married
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woman not having a child in the first five years of marriage to receive
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the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means of
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her becoming a mother.
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The Brown's have no children and the government man is due. Mr.
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Brown leaves for work and gives his wife a little peck on the cheek as
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he departs, saying "I'm off. The government man should be here any
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minute".
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He leaves and his wife pretties herself and waits for the government
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man, but, instead of the government man, a door-to-door photographer
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specializing in baby pictures knocks on the door.
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Mrs: Oh, good morning.
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MAN: You probably don't know me, but I represent....
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Mrs: Oh yes, you needn't explain. My husband said to expect you.
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MAN: I make a specialty of babies -- especially twins.
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Mrs: Thats what my husband said. Please sit down.
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MAN: Then your husband probably told you that...
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Mrs: Oh, yes. We both agree it is the best thing to do.
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MAN: In that case, we may as well get started.
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Mrs: (blushing) Just where do we start?
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MAN: Well, just leave everything to me, madam. I recommend two
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in the bathtub, one on the couch, and a couple on the floor.
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Mrs: Bathtub?? Floor??? No wonder Harry and I.....
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MAN: Well, my dear lady. Even the best of us can't guarantee a
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good one every time. But out of six, one is bound to be a honey.
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I usually have the best shots in the tub.
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Mrs: Pardon me, but, it seems --- well...a bit informal.
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MAN: No indeed. In my line, a man can't do his best work in a
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hurry. (he opens his album and shows the baby pictures to her)
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Look at this baby! It's a good job and took four hours, but
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isn't she a beauty?
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Mrs: Yes, a very lovely child.
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MAN: But for a tough assignment, look at this baby. Believe it
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or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London.
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Mrs: Oh my gosh.
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MAN: AND, here is a picture of the prettiest twins in town. They
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turned out exceptionally well when you consider that their mother
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was so difficult. But I knocked off this job in Hyde Park on a
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snowy afternoon. I never worked under such conditions. People
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were crowding around four or five deep, pushing to get a good
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look.
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Mrs: Four or five deep?
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MAN: Yes, and for more than three hours but, I had a couple of
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Bobbies keeping them back. I could've done another shot before
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dark, but by that time the squirrels were nibbling at my
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equipment and I had to give up. Well, madam, its not hard when a
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man knows his job. I consider my work a pleasure. I've spent
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long years perfecting my technique. Now this baby here. I did
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it with one shot in Alexander's window.
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Mrs: I can't believe it!
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MAN: Well, madam. If you're ready, I'll set up my tripod and we
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can get to work.
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Mrs: Tripod???
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MAN: Yes, madam. I always use a tripod to rest my equipment on.
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It's much too heavy for me to hold for any length of time.
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Mrs. Brown! Mrs. Brown. Good Lord, Mrs. Brown, have you fainted?
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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