57 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
57 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
Did I Ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk?
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Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his ass to talk? His whole
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abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was
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unlike anything I had ever heard.
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"This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there
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like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it
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feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose?
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Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant
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sound, a sound you could smell.
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"This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a
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novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he
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called "The Better 'Ole' that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of
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it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still down there, old
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thing?'
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"'Nah! I had to go relieve myself.'
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"After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without
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anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him
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every time.
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"Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in- curving hooks and
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start eating. He thought this was cute at first and built and act around
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it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking
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on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk,
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too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same
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as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you
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could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with
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his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the
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asshole said to him: 'It's you who will shut up in the end. Not me.
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Because we don't need you around here any more. I can talk and eat AND
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shit.'
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"After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly
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like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the
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scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any
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kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the
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pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow
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there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth
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sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous-
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except for the EYES you dig. That's one thing the asshole COULDN'T do was
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see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and
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infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give orders any more. It
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was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the
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silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the
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brain must have died, because the eyes WENT OUT, and there was no more
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feeling in them than a crab's eyes on the end of a stalk.
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Reprinted without permission from:
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The Naked Lunch
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William S Burroughs
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