169 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
169 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
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50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going
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to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)
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1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
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minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some
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gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
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2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the
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secret documents!!"
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3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
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answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the
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integral symbol.
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4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's
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left nostril.
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5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate
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your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm
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SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk
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the instructor is.
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6. Bring cheerleaders.
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7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly
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say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to
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every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are
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you? Where's the regular guy?"
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8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max
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level.
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9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to
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refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
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question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
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creative.
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10. Bring pets.
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11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
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relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the
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country" and run off.
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12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
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very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
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Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
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Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
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13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
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14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
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head, and nothing else.
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15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as
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vulgar as possible.
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16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make
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one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
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17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
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Blame it on the person nearest to you.
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18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
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19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be
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taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let
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them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of
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the profits if they are allowed to stay.
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20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
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another seat, continue with the exam.
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21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out,
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start commenting on how easy it was.
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22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If
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it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE.
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etc..).
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23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
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completely blacked out.
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24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
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violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
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25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
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instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving
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after one hour to go drink)
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26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point
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during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
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27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,
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tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on
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above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
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28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
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29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put
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on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera"
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until they drag you away.
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30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the
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class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonge.
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Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take
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the exam.
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31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say
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"you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our
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Lives is on!!!"
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32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
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33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore
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the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to
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leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the
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River Kwai.
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34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
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35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you
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could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
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equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life
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story.
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36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and
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shield.
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37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the
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exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
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38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious...
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like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just
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failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
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the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
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39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
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40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
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question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
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41. One word: Wrestlemania.
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42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they
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do before concerts start.
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43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
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44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
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45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.
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Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
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46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent
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to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
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47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
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anything you can reach.
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48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
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degree angle.
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49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes.
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50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"
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