127 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
127 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
______________________________________________________
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\ \
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\ The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon \
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\ \
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\ Typed in by: \
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\ \
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\ Bill The Cat \
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\ \
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\ Taken from the August 1984 issue of "Datalink" \
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\_____________________________________________________\
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Analog: Hors d'oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed
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nuts. Served at all staff parties.
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Apple: Typically, a device used to seduce men. Usually equipped with display
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screens and/or worms.
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Bar chart: A list of places to go when it's Miller time.
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Binary: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
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Bipolar: Refers to someone who has homes in Gnome, Alaska and Buffalo, New
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York.
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Bit: Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful. See "byte."
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BPI: A 1960s term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy, as in
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"you bet your bpi".
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Bubble memory: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
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intelligence. See also "vacuum tube."
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Bug: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
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Byte: A mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?"
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Cassette: A very small petite cass--usually achieved through exercise.
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CPU: A juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper.
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Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
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Chip: Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.
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Closed loop: A method of execution no longer in vogue except in Iran.
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Code: Virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore throat,
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runny nose and fever.
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Command: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a
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manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
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Compile: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
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Conversational mode: Describes the typical office the day after a major
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sporting event.
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CRT: A movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number and must
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write home.
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Cursor: An expert in four-letter words.
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Debug: The act of placing shoe lether against a small creeping creature.
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Downtime: Coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office.
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Dump: The EPA's answer to health.
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Error: Something only humans can commit.
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FIFO: Common name for a dog.
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GIGO: A movie industry acronym referring to the numerous "Gidget Goes..."
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movies, i.e. GIGO Hawaii, GIGO surfing, etc.
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Hardware: Typically boots, leather, and chains. Contrast with software.
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Interface: The opposite of "Getouttamyface."
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K: A term used in employment ads to disguise how much they are really willing
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to pay.
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Megahertz: A very large car rental company.
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Modem: A contraction. As in "Give me some modem cookies."
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Network: The occupation of a fisherman.
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On line: A statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves being
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called out.
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Output: What people who talk backwards do with their cat.
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Program: What commercials try to do to us.
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RAM: A male sheep.
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Real time: Here nad now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and
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then.
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ROM: A RAM after a delicate operation.
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Semi-conductor: A person hired to lead an orchestra before he has graduated
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from director's school.
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Software: Typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts. Contrast with
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hardware.
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Terminal: What most people have to be before consenting to see a doctor.
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Transister: A sibling, opposite of transbrother.
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Vacuum type: A derogatory term. See "bubble memory."
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_________
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| The End |
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|_________|
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Have a nice day!
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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