100 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
From john@synsys.UUCP Fri Jun 9 05:30:05 1989
|
||
Flags: 000000000001
|
||
Path: molokai!milano!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!looking!funny-request
|
||
From: john@synsys.UUCP (John C. Rossmann)
|
||
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
|
||
Subject: ncm(1) - humorous man page for new coffee maker
|
||
Keywords: computer, chuckle, original
|
||
Message-ID: <3499@looking.on.ca>
|
||
Date: 9 Jun 89 10:30:05 GMT
|
||
Sender: funny@looking.on.ca
|
||
Lines: 83
|
||
Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
|
||
Reply-Path: uunet!synsys!john
|
||
|
||
The author's name is Cary O'Brien of Addamax Corp., Rockville, MD.
|
||
I hope you enjoy it as much as we all did.
|
||
|
||
John Rossmann (uunet!synsys!john)
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
NCM(1) (Essential Fluids) NCM(1)
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
NAME
|
||
ncm - new coffee maker
|
||
|
||
SYNOPSIS
|
||
ncm [ -RadCxmlnogrtucpFbqisf ] [caf|decaf|columbian]
|
||
|
||
DESCRIPTION
|
||
For each available heating unit, ncm determines if coffee
|
||
exists, is hot, and is not tar(4). If any of these are
|
||
true, the necessary actions are taken to change the
|
||
situation as required, or as specified by the environment
|
||
variable BURNERS. ncp then gathers the necessary material
|
||
and proceeds. The -M option makes coffee in the morning.
|
||
The drinkinfo(4) database is used to determine the blend and
|
||
the amount of caffeine, based on the environment variables
|
||
DRINK, TZ, and the current time. If this information cannot
|
||
be obtained, full strength Maxwell House is assumed.
|
||
|
||
The ncm command has many, many more than the following
|
||
options, not all of which are currently supported. Some may
|
||
never be supported. We are really busy here, and we will
|
||
try to get around to it as soon as possible, but Doc is
|
||
breathing down my neck to get something else done, so you
|
||
will just have to be patient!:
|
||
|
||
-R Recursively make coffee until all resources are
|
||
exhausted.
|
||
|
||
-a Generate aroma only.
|
||
|
||
-l The same as -n except slower.
|
||
|
||
-d Brew decaf. Will not operate before 10:30 am.
|
||
|
||
-n The same as -l
|
||
|
||
-j Use Jamaica Blue Mountain primo special. This can only
|
||
be executed by coffeadmin.
|
||
|
||
-r Reverse the order of brewing to get newest first or
|
||
oldest first as appropriate.
|
||
|
||
-v Execute the vgrind(1) program before proceeding for a
|
||
fresher brew.
|
||
|
||
EXAMPLES
|
||
ncp -ldm NOW!
|
||
|
||
Make lots of coffee now!
|
||
|
||
FILES
|
||
/etc/grinder
|
||
/etc/filter
|
||
|
||
SEE ALSO
|
||
tee(1), coke(1), sync(1).
|
||
|
||
NOTES
|
||
The ncm command may be used as a filter.
|
||
|
||
For more information see the "Making Good Coffee" section of
|
||
Chapter 10 of the Kitchen Administrator's Guide.
|
||
|
||
BUGS
|
||
Ick. I hope not.
|
||
|
||
--
|
||
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
|
||
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
|
||
|
||
Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
|
||
|
||
|
||
|