100 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
2.8 KiB
Plaintext
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From john@synsys.UUCP Fri Jun 9 05:30:05 1989
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Flags: 000000000001
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Path: molokai!milano!cs.utexas.edu!inebriae!looking!funny-request
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From: john@synsys.UUCP (John C. Rossmann)
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Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
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Subject: ncm(1) - humorous man page for new coffee maker
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Keywords: computer, chuckle, original
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Message-ID: <3499@looking.on.ca>
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Date: 9 Jun 89 10:30:05 GMT
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Sender: funny@looking.on.ca
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Lines: 83
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Approved: funny@looking.on.ca
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Reply-Path: uunet!synsys!john
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The author's name is Cary O'Brien of Addamax Corp., Rockville, MD.
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I hope you enjoy it as much as we all did.
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John Rossmann (uunet!synsys!john)
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NCM(1) (Essential Fluids) NCM(1)
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NAME
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ncm - new coffee maker
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SYNOPSIS
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ncm [ -RadCxmlnogrtucpFbqisf ] [caf|decaf|columbian]
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DESCRIPTION
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For each available heating unit, ncm determines if coffee
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exists, is hot, and is not tar(4). If any of these are
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true, the necessary actions are taken to change the
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situation as required, or as specified by the environment
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variable BURNERS. ncp then gathers the necessary material
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and proceeds. The -M option makes coffee in the morning.
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The drinkinfo(4) database is used to determine the blend and
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the amount of caffeine, based on the environment variables
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DRINK, TZ, and the current time. If this information cannot
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be obtained, full strength Maxwell House is assumed.
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The ncm command has many, many more than the following
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options, not all of which are currently supported. Some may
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never be supported. We are really busy here, and we will
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try to get around to it as soon as possible, but Doc is
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breathing down my neck to get something else done, so you
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will just have to be patient!:
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-R Recursively make coffee until all resources are
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exhausted.
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-a Generate aroma only.
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-l The same as -n except slower.
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-d Brew decaf. Will not operate before 10:30 am.
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-n The same as -l
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-j Use Jamaica Blue Mountain primo special. This can only
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be executed by coffeadmin.
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-r Reverse the order of brewing to get newest first or
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oldest first as appropriate.
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-v Execute the vgrind(1) program before proceeding for a
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fresher brew.
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EXAMPLES
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ncp -ldm NOW!
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Make lots of coffee now!
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FILES
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/etc/grinder
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/etc/filter
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SEE ALSO
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tee(1), coke(1), sync(1).
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NOTES
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The ncm command may be used as a filter.
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For more information see the "Making Good Coffee" section of
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Chapter 10 of the Kitchen Administrator's Guide.
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BUGS
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Ick. I hope not.
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
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