191 lines
4.3 KiB
Standard ML
191 lines
4.3 KiB
Standard ML
Article 7392 of rec.humor:
|
||
>From: hirayama@suvax1.UUCP (Pat Hirayama)
|
||
Subject: Fun With Unix -- Summary -- LONG!
|
||
Keywords: all those unix jokes (?)
|
||
Message-ID: <1204@suvax1.UUCP>
|
||
Date: 25 Aug 88 23:17:19 GMT
|
||
Organization: Seattle University, Seattle, WA.
|
||
|
||
OK folks. Here is a summary of (nearly) all of the 'Fun With Unix'
|
||
jokes (?) that were posted over the past few weeks. There are a
|
||
few that I couldn't figure out, so those are at the end.
|
||
|
||
Disclaimer: Just because it is under the cshell section doesn't mean
|
||
that it won't work under bourne shell, and the converse is also true.
|
||
|
||
Also, if you are sick and tired of these things...HIT 'n' NOW!!!!!!
|
||
|
||
----
|
||
>From the csh (cshell):
|
||
|
||
% make love
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
|
||
|
||
% got a light?
|
||
No match.
|
||
|
||
% sleep with me
|
||
bad character
|
||
|
||
% man: Why did you get a divorce?
|
||
man:: Too many arguments.
|
||
|
||
% rm God
|
||
rm: God nonexistent
|
||
|
||
% man woman
|
||
No manual entry for woman.
|
||
|
||
% man ' automatic insertion'
|
||
No manual entry for automatic insertion.
|
||
|
||
% make 'heads or tails of all this'
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.
|
||
|
||
% make sense
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.
|
||
|
||
% make mistake
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.
|
||
|
||
% make bottle.open
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.
|
||
|
||
% \(-
|
||
(-: Command not found.
|
||
|
||
% rm -i God
|
||
rm: remove God? y
|
||
% ls God
|
||
God not found
|
||
% make God
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make God. Stop.
|
||
% make light
|
||
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.
|
||
|
||
% date me
|
||
You are not superuser: date not set
|
||
Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
|
||
|
||
% who is smart
|
||
suvax1!hirayama tty12 Aug 25 15:04
|
||
|
||
% man rear
|
||
No manual entry for rear.
|
||
|
||
% If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
|
||
Too many )'s.
|
||
|
||
% * How would you describe George Bush
|
||
*: Ambiguous.
|
||
|
||
% %Vice-President
|
||
%Vice-President: No such job.
|
||
|
||
% ls Meese-Ethics
|
||
Meese-Ethics not found
|
||
|
||
% "How would you rate Reagan's senility?
|
||
Unmatched ".
|
||
|
||
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
|
||
Missing ].
|
||
|
||
% ^How did the^sex change operation go?
|
||
Modifier failed.
|
||
|
||
% cp /dev/null sex;chmod 000 sex
|
||
% more sex
|
||
sex: Permission denied
|
||
% mv sex show
|
||
% strip show
|
||
strip: show: Permission denied
|
||
|
||
% who is my match?
|
||
No match.
|
||
|
||
% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
|
||
Democratic_Platform unreadable
|
||
|
||
% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
|
||
awk: syntax error near line 1
|
||
awk: bailing out near line
|
||
|
||
% %blow
|
||
%blow: No such job.
|
||
|
||
% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
|
||
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.
|
||
|
||
And from the bourne shell (sh):
|
||
|
||
$ drink < bottle;opener
|
||
bottle: cannot open
|
||
opener: not found
|
||
|
||
$ test my argument
|
||
test: too many arguments
|
||
|
||
$ "Amelia Earhart"
|
||
Amelia Earhart: not found
|
||
|
||
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
|
||
no sense in pretending!
|
||
|
||
$ man -kisses dog
|
||
dog: nothing appropriate
|
||
|
||
$ mkdir "Yellow Pages";fiYellow Pages
|
||
$ mkdir matter;cat > matter
|
||
matter: cannot create
|
||
|
||
$ lost
|
||
lost: not found
|
||
|
||
$ found
|
||
found: not found
|
||
|
||
$ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i
|
||
Hoffa: cannot execute
|
||
rm: Hoffa nonexistent
|
||
|
||
The following are ones that I can't get to work on my BSD 4.3, so I suppose
|
||
that they are stuff from ATT SysV or some other such:
|
||
|
||
% strip bra
|
||
bra: Cannot open
|
||
|
||
% sccs what bottle
|
||
can't open bottle (26)
|
||
|
||
$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
|
||
can't open door: paws too slippery
|
||
|
||
$ cat food_in_tin_cans
|
||
cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans
|
||
|
||
% analyze R/etc/analyze
|
||
|
||
These are ones that I couldn't get to work at all (at least so that
|
||
they would make [humorous] sense):
|
||
|
||
% test without warning
|
||
test: too many arguments
|
||
% test without arguments
|
||
test: too many arguments
|
||
% test I bet five bucks you will say argument expected
|
||
test: too many arguments
|
||
|
||
Obviously, there must be something different about other people's tests :)
|
||
|
||
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
Pat Hirayama, Computer & Information Services, Seattle U, Seattle, WA 98122
|
||
|
||
UUCP: ..!uw-entropy!{dataio,thebes}!suvax1!hirayama
|
||
or: suvax1!hirayama@entropy.ms.washington.edu
|
||
|
||
Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal
|
||
increases as the deadline approaches.
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|