108 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
108 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
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(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*( THE UAG PRESENT *)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)
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(*) (UNITED ANARCHIST'S GUILD) (*)
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(*) (*)
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(*) Tales of a thirteen year old loser... (*)
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(*) Written by THE KRACKER,THE TRASH CAN MAN (*)
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(*) (having much experience destroying 13) (*)
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(*) (year old TI/Commie users.............) (*)
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(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(*----------------------*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)*)
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In case you are wondering, this file is a non-fictional account of the life of
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a thirteen year old modem/TI/Commodore user.
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Anyone who meets the qualifications is seriously a low-life nothing, and you
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should think about committing suicide. If you don't I'll provide help...
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I'll push you off of the building, or shoot the rifle.
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Besides.......thirteen year olds are fuckin' cock suckers!
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Once upon a time, Johnny Pirate Jr. was having a great day. When he
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came home on his bright yellow school bus and walked into his house, to his
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surprise, he found a TI/99/4a sitting on top of the desk in the FAMILY room.
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"Oh gee," said Johnny, "A computer! K-rad! and a disk drive, Volksmodem, and a
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TI printer! Golly Mom and Dad, this must have cost you a fortune, maybe about
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150 or even 200 dollars!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" So Johnny got to work on setting up
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his TI in the family room (after he did his school work, of course!).
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About three hours later, Johnny had it all set up. He first turned it
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on, and started reading the BASIC manual. "Gee, it can print HELLO! <00l!"
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So after he had a grand old time with that, he got out his version of print
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shop, and ripped open the BOX (which cost a wallopping $19!). He then made a
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printout of a bottle of beer. He then ran into his parents bedroom and yelled,
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"MOM DAD LOOK WHAT I DID! I MADE A PICTURE!"
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"Johnny, if you come into our room again and wake us up, we'll punish
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you for a whole week. Let me see that picture anyway,"said father."Oh my god,
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Johnny, if you ever print out a naughty picture, such as alcohol, again, I'll
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bring you to the confession booth and make you confess to father Billy, and
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he'll make you drop out of the youth group and serve time in the GOD SQUAD
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to write out bibles in ink! Now get to bed, christ, it's almost 9:00!"
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The next day (Saturday morning, after WWF faggot wrestling),
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Johnny started on his Volksmodem. First he called up all of the local bitch
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boards. He couldn't use the phone for long distance calls 'till he's 17 said
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his parents. Once he got online to a local bitch board, he hollered,
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"Oh my god, I am on THE HACKING bulletin board, wonder if they copy games!
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I don't think I should join this board because the police might find out and
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arrest me!" So Johnny hung up, and of course, hung the board. Unfortunately,
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Johnny left his name, phone number, address, and when it asked for any hacking
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info (such as cards,codes,etc.), he left his dad's credit card number and
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he said, "Phreak, ya i do get pretty wound up on a friday night, you could say
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I phreak out! Ha ha ha ha ha,snicker,snicker!"
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An hour later, the sysop of the board Johnny last hung called
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him. "Ok prick, you are gonna die!" said the sysop.
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"Why?" asked Johnny.
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"You hung my fuckin' board, and my hard disk got fucked up:it was deleted!"
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"So what, you can't do anything about it, I'M A HACKER!" said Johnny.
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"Fine, either you commit suicide, or destroy your computer, meaning throw
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it in the trash and burn it, or you will die. Understand?"
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"NO!" exclaimed Johnny, "You can't do that, I'll call the cops!"
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"Fine, be seeing you, prick," said the sysop, "CLICK....."
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The next morning, Johnny woke up in dismay to find a pipebomb to
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come crashing through his window. When it exploded, he was blown into
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the hall. He then ran into his parents bedroom to find that they were tied-
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up, with a ballgag in their mouths. Their captors were 4 people in black ski
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masks with Uzi's. "Come with us Johnny, we are going for a little trip. You
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should never fuck with a sysop and try to get away with it." So they grabbed
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Johnny, tied him and gagged him, and took-off in a black pick-up truck.
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JOHNNY'S PARENTS :
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Were found found by relatives to be tied to
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their bed nude. They were both in strange
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sexual positions, and had numerous bruses.
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When they were about to be untied, the
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motion detector the kidnappers left went
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off and detonated a bomb that sat next to
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a barrel of nitro-glicerine, causing their
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whole street to be blown to pieces and
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cause the forest near by to be engulfed in
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flames, and devestated their city, what was
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left of it anyway!
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JOHNNY PIRATE :
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Was never heard from again. Some claim
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to see his picture in homosexual porno
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magazines,such as MBLA (the man-boy love
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association).
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COMING SOON.........Brady Bunch Massacre II!
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How to Kill a Teacher!
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Torture Techniques!
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Fun Things to do to a 13 Year Old!
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Construction Site Madness!
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Written By THE KRACKER,THE TRASH CAN MAN United Anarchists Guild 1986
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Thanx to: Neon Knights/Metal Communications,Shadow Brotherhood,Pirate's Guild,
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and all of those AE's out there.....
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Call :
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Pirate's Front AE/BBS...................201-874-0773
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Miliways AE/CF/BBS......................609-921-1994
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Metal AE (pw:KILL)......................201-879-6668
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Metal Land West AE/CF/BBS...............503-538-0761
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Ozone ][ AE (pw:OZONE)..................503-684-0548
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Apple University AE:TAC.................503-838-2924
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THE KRACKER,THE TRASH CAN MAN...................United Anarchists Guild '86
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