263 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
263 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
H
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FILE CONTAINS LINES 1 - 243
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START TO READ FROM WHICH LINE? 1
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PRESS SPACEBAR TO STOP/PAUSE
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THE RICH MAN USES VASELINE,
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THE POOR MAN USES LARD;
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THE WORKER USES AXLE GREASE
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BUT GETS IT TWICE AS HARD.
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YOUR SPPONING DAYS ARE OVER,
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AND YOUR PILOT LIGHT IS OUT;
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WHEN WHAT USED TO BE YOUR SEX APPEAL
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IS NOW YOUR WATER SPOUT!
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Definition of old age:
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When it takes you all night to do what you used to spend all
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night doing!!!
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A certain young sheik I'm not namin'
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Asked a flapper he thought he was tamin'
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"Have you your maidenhead?"
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"Don't be foolish," she said,
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"But I still have the box thar it came in."
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When entering a new office, how can you tell which
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word processor was last used by the Polish secretary??
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It's the one with white-out all over the screen.
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There was a young brave who got hot
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And chased an old squaw who was not.
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So she stuffed her canal
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With some dried chapparal,
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And sprinkled some sand on her twat.
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What do you call a man who has herpes, syphilis and AIDS?
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Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y
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An incurable romantic!!
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Withdrawal, according to Freud,
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Is a very good thing to avoid.
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If practiced each day,
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Your balls will decay
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To the size of a small adenoid.
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Freud's opinion, said old Dr. Steckel,
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Isn't worth a Confederate shekel.
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Withdrawal is fun ----
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But beware lest the sun
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Should cause the withdrawn parts to freckle.
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Pity the poor spermatozoa!
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His life leads him lower and lower.
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With fears in his belly
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He swims through the jelly,
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But seldom increases the scoah.
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Did you hear about the young lady who's nickname was Federal
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Express?
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When she went to a dates apartment, it was absolutely,
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positively guaranteed that she's be there overnight.
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There was a young lady of Totten
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Whose tastes grew perverted and rotten.
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She cared not for steaks,
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Or for pastry and cakes,
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But just lived for Penis au Gratin.
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There was a young man of Malacca
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Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y
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Who always slept on his left knacker.
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One Saturday night
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He slept on the right,
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And his knacker went off like a cracker.
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There was a young man of Madras
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Who was screwing a girl in the grass,
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But the tropical sun
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Spoiled half of his fun
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By burning the skin off his arse.
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There was an old man of New York
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Whose tool was as dry as a cork.
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While attempting to screw
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He split it in two,
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Now he uses his tool as a fork.
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There was a young lady named Perkin
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Who swallowed an extra large gherkin.
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Now she doesn't spend much
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On Kotex and such,
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On account of her drain isn't workin'.
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B > 37 THEN X=1
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> 37 THEN Z=1
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325
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EK(343)=247 THEN W=-1
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ND ***
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EK(338)=251 THEN X=-1
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EK(338)=254 THEN X=1
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EK(339)=251 THEN Y=-1
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EK(345)=251 THEN Y=1
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There was an old man from Robles
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Who went out to dine with some nobles.
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At the risk of his life,
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He fucked the host's wife,
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Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y
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And now, so 'tis said, he has no balls.
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There was a young man from Tahiti
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Who went for a swim with his sweetie,
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And as he pursued her
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A blind barracuda
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Ran off with his masculinity.
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There was a young fellow named Tom
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Who ran screaming home to his mom.
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The fear of the Bomb
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Scared him back in the womb-----
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The bastard, he wasn't so dumb!
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There was an old rake from Stamboul
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Felt his ardor grow suddenly cool.
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No lack of affection
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Reduced his erection----
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But his zipper got caught in his tool.
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There was a young girl of high station
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Who ruined her fine reputation
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When she said she'd the pox
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From sucking on cocks-----
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She should really have called it "fellation."
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When the Bermondsey bricklayers struck,
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Bill Bloggins was 'aving a fuck.
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By un-ion rules
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He 'ad to down tools----
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Now wasn't that bloody 'ard luck!!
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What did the fly say as he landed on the circular saw?
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Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y
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"They're off...!!"
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Did you hear the one about the pregnant sparrow?
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She only did it for lark.
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A MAN KEPT A LOCKED DRAWER IN HIS BEDROOM FOR 30 YEARS BUT ONE
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DAY HE LEFT IT OPEN AND HIS WIFE FOUND TWO GOLF BALLS AND
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$5,000 IN CASH IN IT. WHEN SHE ASKED HIM ABOUT IT, HE SAID
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THAT EVERYTIME HE CHEATED ON HER HE PLACED A GOLF BALL IN THE
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DRAWER. SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS GREAT THAT HE HAD ONLY CHEATED
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TWICE IN 30 YEARS UNTIL HE TOLD HER THAT EVERYTIME HE
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ACCUMULATED A DOZEN GOLF BALLS HE SOLD THEM FOR $10 !!!!!
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Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes...???
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Neither has she....!!!!
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There was a young fellow named Rule,
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Who went to a library school.
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As he fingered the index
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His thoughts ran to sex,
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And his blood all ran to his tool.
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A girl by the green Susquehanna
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Said she would do it manana,
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But her lover got sore
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And sailed off to Lahore....
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And now she must use a banana!!!!
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Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y
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A widow whose singular vice
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Was to keep her late husband on ice
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Said, "It's been hard since I lost him--
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I'll never defrost him!
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Cold comfort, but cheap at the price."
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There was a young girl of Asturias
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With a penchant for practices curious.
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She loved to bat rocks
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With her gentlemen's cocks---
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A practice both rude and injurious.
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There was a young Queen of Baroda
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Who built a new kind of pagoda.
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The walls of its halls
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Were festooned with the balls
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And the tools of the fools who bestrode her.
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What has 132 teeth and guards the Incredible Hulk....????
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My zipper....!!!!
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Sick joke department:
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What do the initial letters NASA stand for...???
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Need Another Seven Astronauts
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Did you hear about the fellow who had diarrhea and ran all the
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way to the doctor because he thought he was melting...???
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Did you hear about the 95 year-old man who had been picked up
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Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y
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by a 20 year-old girl and spent the night with her? It seems
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that about two weeks later he started to drip, so he visited
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his doctor for advice - after a complete examination the
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doctor asked the old man if he happened to know where the girl
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lived. "Yes," said the old man, "and I have her phone number
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as well." "In that case," said the doctor, "call her up right
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away and get over there - you're about to come...!!!"
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HELP ME I'M SINKING
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>>> COLORAMA MAIN MENU <<<
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TIME:17:03 ONLINE: 13 MINUTES
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