136 lines
8.0 KiB
Plaintext
136 lines
8.0 KiB
Plaintext
Direct from Omnicron's Ae ((408)255-7193 pw:PARVO):
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The Athiesm Corporation proudly presents...
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Love Thy Neighbor; Kill His Dog
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---- --- --------- ---- --- ---
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Contrary to certain Hindu religious beliefs, there is nothing holy about a
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simple dog. The Vietnamese have the right idea.
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Dog is supposed to be man's best friend. Well, that man maybe, but not the
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neighbors who have to listen to the damned blowing its brains out for every
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shadow that moves. They also like chasing cars, pissing on that plant that you
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worked so hard to keep alive during the winter, and rusting the hubcaps of your
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new car in a similar manner. They will not hesitate to crap on your freshly
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mowed front lawn. Or beforehand so that you don't see it until it is too late.
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Meaning you either step in it, set something on it or roll the mower through
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it. Ever tried to remove dog shit from the wheels of a lawnmower?
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Well, here are a few serious way to go about eliminating the mutt.
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1) Take a fair sized hunk of meat, but not so big as to be impossible for the
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dog to wolf down. This usually works best on the larger dogs because they are
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more readily adapted for swallowing meat with a minimum of chewing. (we'll
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discuss small dogs later) then you take a standard beer bottle, preferably
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clear, but if you do the job right, the color of the glass will not make a
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difference. You then take the bottle, find a relatively safe place, put on
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your goggles (remember, safety, within common sense, is important because we're
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professionals here) grab a hammer and tap the bottle with it. Not so much as
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to smash it to smash it to hell, as you just want to crack it enough to break
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out a small piecewithout dispersing broken glass everywhere. This is easier to
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clean up Now get some gloves (surgical are nice because they are not awkward so
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you can do delicate work and still be protected if you are careful. The gloves
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do have to fit). Take the piece of glass and pownd it as close to a powder as
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you can get it. Make sure there are no breezes as you do not want to inhale
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any of your "powder". Sweep it up and put it somewhere safe (little jar with
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lid or something. keep out of reach of small children).
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You will also need a needle and some fine, yet strong, thread and a knife.
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Cut off a piece of meat, cut a pocket in the meat. Make the pocket/cavity as
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big as possible and the hole from the outside world to the inside of the pocket
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as small as possible. Now place some of the powder in the pocket, being
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careful not to get it on the outside of the piece of meat. Then thread up the
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needle, sew the opening closed, and then run up and down (with the needle)
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through the center of the meat so you have something that follows the idea of a
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quilt. You should not have placed any more glass in the meat than the moisture
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of the meat will get wet. i.e. you do not want any dry powdered glass inside.
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Tie the thread off. All of your stitches and knots should be as tight as the
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strength of the thread will alow.
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What you should have now is something that is small enough for a greedy dog
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to gulp down without chewing. The idea of this very effective elimination
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method is that in the dogs gastro-intestinal tract the meat will open up and
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the glass will be exposed to the inside of the dog. The glass, like all broken
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glass is sharp, and small so it will start cutting and moving through the dog's
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body in random directions and the dog's body is defenseless. The dog will
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become quite ill after a time and vomit all over the place. If the thread that
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you used is fine enough and not artificial (i.e. it's cotton) it should not be
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found. There is no way to reverse the process once the dog has swallowed the
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meat, and will die. The amount of time it takes for the dog to die depends on
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how professional a job you did. The idea is not to hurt the dog, but to kill
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it and not just cripple it.
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The problems with this are: your gloves may not protect you all too well and
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you may get incredibly small glass slivers (so be careful), the thread may be
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found, and people may get suspicious. Also it is painful to the dog.
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2) This is better for the small dogs, but will work on large ones too. You
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buy some rat poison with warfrin. This is a powerful anti coagulant. This
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should be in pellet form. you also get yourself some meat, a knife, some
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thread, a needle, and maybe a rock or two.
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Take very small pieces, make an incision in them and put one pellet in each.
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Then use one stitch and close the small piece of meat. You will have more
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pellets than you need (obviously!) so, you may as well use them as rat poison
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for around your house (what a weird concept...). Now, over a period of a
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couple days, throw 1 (one) piece of meat at a time, and see that the dog eats
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each one before throwing another. Make sure that no children get a hold of
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these. after the dog is pretty well fed up on these, (maybe 1 day has elapsed
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since you fed the last little package) you hit the dog with a small rock. Not
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so much as to hurt it, as all you want to do is bruise it. Warfrin (like I
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said before) is an anti-coagulant, so now, providing the dog has had a
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sufficiant dosage (larger dogs need more, so that is why the glass technique is
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more effective for them) the dog will bleed to death internally. You probably
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won't have to hit the dog with the rock (which is just to speed up the
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process), because it is bound to be tapped by something in the yard at some
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time. The smalles injury will be fatal.
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There are other ways to accomplish killing a dog, but remember we are
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professionals. There is the standard 12 gauge with glass, but that is too
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messy. There is a 22 with the tip of a bullet gouged out with a small amount
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of parafin (a waxy lubricant) put in the cone that you gouged out of the tip of
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a bullet. The explosion would be heard as well as the gunshot and that is
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messy. And, my goodness, to fire a gun in the city like that is illegal, after
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all. The problem with standard poisons is that the dog may not take them in
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the first place, and in the second, they tend to throw up and get sick before
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enough of the poison has been absorbed to be fatal.
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So, that about wraps it up. Remember, as a professional, it is your duty to
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be safty conscious (use common sense), not hurt the dog any more than
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necessary, make sure that the dog does in fact die and not have to go through
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life crippled, and that no one else is hurt. Do not be witnessed, don't brag
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about what you have done, make sure that you have asked the owner several times
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to shut the dog up beforehand, do no get caught, and make sure that you pick
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the dog to be assasinated carefully. It would be a waste if the owner got
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another dog that yaps even louder. Also make sure you hate the dog, and you
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can live with yourself after you have done it. And for Christ sake, follow
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through when you have made your decision.
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Please do not kill dogs for sport, and only do this if you were actually
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going to kill the dog anyway. If you have in fact decided to kill the dog,
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please use the above methods because they are well thought through.
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For an even more effective kill, do both 1 and 2. Seperately, because you do
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not want glass in with the Warfrin. Feed the dog the warfrin the day before
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the glass, not vice versa.
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Autors note: I am in no way telling anyone to kill a dog, or implying that
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that is the thing to do. This is only as a last resort, and even so, may not
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be a wise idea. I take no responsibility for the actions people take as a
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result of reading this file. This file has been provided mainly for
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information's sake and entertainment.
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Thanks.
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Be looking for the Athiesm Corporation's files on killing cats, and a
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reasonable proof that there is in fact no god whatsoever (i.e. christianity,
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catholocism, buddism, etceteraism, etc., will be shot to hell.) coming soon to
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finer AEs and Cat-furs near you...
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Call Omnicron's AE at:
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(408)255-7193
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pw:PARVO
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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