563 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
563 lines
32 KiB
Plaintext
|
LIST
|
|||
|
|
FILE ON
|
|||
|
|
MARGIN IS 85
|
|||
|
|
STATUS: ALL ALLOWED
|
|||
|
|
NUMBER OF LINES: 570
|
|||
|
|
1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask....
|
|||
|
|
2 ********************** REMOVED 29 FEB 84 *******************
|
|||
|
|
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
|
|||
|
|
4 ************************************************************
|
|||
|
|
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
|
|||
|
|
6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
|
|||
|
|
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned
|
|||
|
|
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
|
|||
|
|
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
|
|||
|
|
10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
|
|||
|
|
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
|
|||
|
|
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
|
|||
|
|
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
|
|||
|
|
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
|
|||
|
|
15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
|
|||
|
|
16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
|
|||
|
|
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
|
|||
|
|
18 ************************************************************
|
|||
|
|
19
|
|||
|
|
20 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|||
|
|
21 Wow! I get to start a new disk, BIG DEAL!
|
|||
|
|
22
|
|||
|
|
23 TO PUZZELED: If Russia wants to take
|
|||
|
|
24 over countries like Germany and Italy, let them.
|
|||
|
|
25 The US shouldn't worry about communist countries.
|
|||
|
|
26 If Russia did take them over we would not feel the efectts.
|
|||
|
|
27 But when they start trying to take places
|
|||
|
|
28 like The big oil countries, thats when we start fighting.
|
|||
|
|
29
|
|||
|
|
30 And non the less, WE DON'T NEED TO DESTROY THE WORLD.
|
|||
|
|
31 If we do that then what we were fighting
|
|||
|
|
32 over is no more.
|
|||
|
|
33
|
|||
|
|
34 Doesn't make sense to me.
|
|||
|
|
35
|
|||
|
|
36 FOTI
|
|||
|
|
37 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|||
|
|
38 (<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)
|
|||
|
|
39 So thats what a bolo is... maybE I just ought to tag along
|
|||
|
|
40 with you to the wizards.
|
|||
|
|
41 (<>)(<>)(<>)( >)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)(<>)Geo(<>)(<>)
|
|||
|
|
42
|
|||
|
|
43 ==================================================<=============
|
|||
|
|
44 Sorry to here about the cold Deborah, I've just gotten over it
|
|||
|
|
45 myself a few days ago. Please keep entering messages if you can,
|
|||
|
|
46 i usually don't start lines of discussion but I might be able to
|
|||
|
|
47 think up a new topic instead of going after someone else's
|
|||
|
|
48 Evan
|
|||
|
|
49 ===================================================================
|
|||
|
|
50 CAPTAIN NICE by Paul Aurandt
|
|||
|
|
51 Bartholemew Roberts was an old-time sea captain.
|
|||
|
|
52 Yet if your conception of what an old-time sea captain is supposed to be includes being boistrous, rough-talking, hard-drink
|
|||
|
|
53 ing, irreverent, then maybe you'd better hear THE REST OF THE STORY.
|
|||
|
|
54 Once upon a time, ship's musicians were among the hardest-working crew members. Like the family physicians of long ago,
|
|||
|
|
55 they were always 'on call.' If anyone aboard ship wanted music, at any time of day or night, they ship's orchestra was
|
|||
|
|
56 required to provide music.
|
|||
|
|
57 The man who changed all that was Captain Bartholemew Roberts. Aboard his ships, the Fortune, the Good Fortune, and the
|
|||
|
|
58 Royal Fortune, the musicians were not only allowed but obliged to take Sunday off.
|
|||
|
|
59 You see, Captain Roberts' background was conservative Welsh. He was a strict Sabbatarian. Once a week on every cruise,
|
|||
|
|
60 religious services were conducted.
|
|||
|
|
61 Temperence was another of Captain Roberts' convictions. The hours during which crew members could drink beverages containing
|
|||
|
|
62 alcohol were carefully regulated. Alcoholism, or even common intoxication, was positively prohibited. As for himself,
|
|||
|
|
63 Captain Roberts drank tea. ONLY tea.
|
|||
|
|
64 Games were permitted aboard---unless money was involved. Any form of gambling was against regulations. In fact, the captain
|
|||
|
|
65 frowned on games such as cards or dice, simply because those games were generally associated with gambling.
|
|||
|
|
66 There is no record of a woman ever having been smuggled aboard any of Captain Roberts' vessels by any member of his crew.
|
|||
|
|
67 The reason is obvious: The captain made it clar that any member of such immoral behavior would be hanged.
|
|||
|
|
68 I don't know if Captain Roberts ever conducted a bed check of those serving under him. There was, however, a standing order:
|
|||
|
|
69 lights out by 8:00 P. M.
|
|||
|
|
70 Of course, no fighting was allowed. This was the way Captain Roberts handled it: If two crew members had a quarrel which
|
|||
|
|
71 could not be resolved through discussion, they were required to wait until the ship had reached port, then to settle their
|
|||
|
|
72 dispute on land in a fair fight refereed by the ship's quartermaster. Under no circumstances was such violence to be permitte
|
|||
|
|
73 d on board any vessel commanded by Captain Roberts.
|
|||
|
|
74 If this discipline was remarkable for the high seas of the early eighteenth century, Roberts himself was a remarkable man,
|
|||
|
|
75 always superbly groomed, splendidly attired. He wore a rich crimson damask waistcoat and trousers, a red feather in his
|
|||
|
|
76 tricorn hat, two pairs of pistols on the end of a silk sling over his shoulders, a gleaming sword at his side, and a gold
|
|||
|
|
77 chain suspending a diamond cross around his neck.
|
|||
|
|
78 Captain Bartholemew Roberts.
|
|||
|
|
79 Those serving in his command called him "pistol-proof," a phrase used to describe only the most adept in ship-handling, crew
|
|||
|
|
80 control, and the tactics of naval warfare.
|
|||
|
|
81 No telling what greatness he might have achieved on the right side of wrong.
|
|||
|
|
82 For Captain Bartholemew Roberts was a strict Sabbatarian, a teetotaler, a gentle man who disapproved of fast money and loose
|
|||
|
|
83 women. He was Mr. Discipline, Captain Nice. And he captured more than four hundred ships during one four-year period in his
|
|||
|
|
84 career.
|
|||
|
|
85 As a PIRATE.
|
|||
|
|
86 One of the most feared---and often considered the greatest---pirate in the history of piracy.
|
|||
|
|
87 Bartholemew Roberts.
|
|||
|
|
88 The original "Black Bart."
|
|||
|
|
89 -------------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz ---------
|
|||
|
|
90 Wow! Cool story man. I can talk those bolos. I learned early that a well placed
|
|||
|
|
91 stick shift can knock down any tank.
|
|||
|
|
92 The Ninja
|
|||
|
|
93
|
|||
|
|
94 HELLO
|
|||
|
|
95
|
|||
|
|
96 IF ANYONE GETS THIS MESSAGE, SEND ME A LINE AT
|
|||
|
|
97
|
|||
|
|
98 BOX 175 3446 CHESTNUT STREET
|
|||
|
|
99 PHILA, PA. 19104
|
|||
|
|
100
|
|||
|
|
101 MUCH OBLIGED - ESD
|
|||
|
|
102
|
|||
|
|
104 TO MIKE DAY ,SYSOP
|
|||
|
|
105 SUBJ:HOW TO?
|
|||
|
|
106 FROM:RAY EPPLEY
|
|||
|
|
107 1. PLS CHECK SYS FOR BUG,I CAN'T SEEM
|
|||
|
|
108 2. TO GET MSGS OR ACCESS ANYTHING ELSE3. (PROBABLY JUST ME,NEW USER Y'KNOW!
|
|||
|
|
109 4. I AM TRYING TO LEARN AS MUCH AS
|
|||
|
|
110 5. POSSIBLE AS FAST AS I CAN AND ANY
|
|||
|
|
111 6. INFO WOULD BE A GREAT HELP!! MY
|
|||
|
|
112 7.
|
|||
|
|
113 8.
|
|||
|
|
114 9. THANKS MUCH,
|
|||
|
|
115 10. Ray
|
|||
|
|
119 S
|
|||
|
|
125 This is a very different system
|
|||
|
|
126
|
|||
|
|
127 The Runner
|
|||
|
|
128 AM HAVING EXTRAORDINARILY DIFFICULT
|
|||
|
|
129 TIME GETTING OUT OF THE INN. I CAN'T
|
|||
|
|
130 EXIT AND CAN NOT GET "OFF" THIS PLANE
|
|||
|
|
131 WITH OUT HANGING UP WHILE SYSTEM IS
|
|||
|
|
132 ON. AM I MISSING SOMETHING?
|
|||
|
|
133 THANKS,
|
|||
|
|
134 STUCK
|
|||
|
|
135 Dear Stuck,
|
|||
|
|
136 Try hitting "Control-C" after entering a message, then type "off" and hang up.
|
|||
|
|
137 If that doesn't work, go buy some lead undies and do the antler dance until your
|
|||
|
|
138 modem curls up and dies.
|
|||
|
|
139 Abby
|
|||
|
|
140 Hello, everyone. What a strange setup. No offense.
|
|||
|
|
141 Meine namen ist Micheal from The Software Exchange.
|
|||
|
|
142 And I am pleased to make your acquaintance!
|
|||
|
|
143 I am not a Gamer fanatic, merely a person...
|
|||
|
|
144 hello ][c.k.][
|
|||
|
|
145 well how are you im glad you got to
|
|||
|
|
146 log on and read this message. i think
|
|||
|
|
147 you will agree that it is a lot better
|
|||
|
|
148 that good old cis. at least its cheeper
|
|||
|
|
149 and you dont have to worry about how
|
|||
|
|
150 long you take to type it all in.
|
|||
|
|
151 well i hope that you read this before
|
|||
|
|
152 what i have to say is no longer current
|
|||
|
|
153 so here goes. im glad that you are
|
|||
|
|
154 truly willing to try and get a cb party
|
|||
|
|
155 going and it ought to be interesting
|
|||
|
|
156 how you and i are going to get our act
|
|||
|
|
157 together to pull it all off. I hope
|
|||
|
|
158 that it all turns out for the better.
|
|||
|
|
159 but i have a lot of faith and i think
|
|||
|
|
160 it will go just great.
|
|||
|
|
161 well i dont know about you but i think
|
|||
|
|
162 we should start using this more often
|
|||
|
|
163 for our email its a heck of a lot less
|
|||
|
|
164 expensive. and allmost as good.
|
|||
|
|
165 so i will let you go for now hope to
|
|||
|
|
166 see a reply that you got the message.
|
|||
|
|
167 untill later pal...
|
|||
|
|
168 derek kinne
|
|||
|
|
169 ****************************************
|
|||
|
|
170 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
|||
|
|
171 --- I've gotta try first person for a while, worry 'bout description later.
|
|||
|
|
172
|
|||
|
|
173 I really have to curb some of these impulses. I felt that we needed a few
|
|||
|
|
174 extra bodies, but forgot just how fast a bottle and prospect of adventure ould
|
|||
|
|
175 draw people. I shook my head to clear the alcohol fog.
|
|||
|
|
176 CRAZY! I must have really done it this time! And what about this fellow
|
|||
|
|
177 who calls himself the Ninja. Going to try to take on a Bolo (no I don't know
|
|||
|
|
178 the model) with a stick shift from an old car. Oh well, I'm glad I'm not with
|
|||
|
|
179 that one. Yucch! Even the though of such an encounter makes me qeasy.
|
|||
|
|
180
|
|||
|
|
181 What's this? A poor lost little bottle. Come here poor littcle bottcle.
|
|||
|
|
182 Tachey off littcle bottcle cap, pour out inshides. Oops, pour lichle bottcle
|
|||
|
|
183 in mouf. .....
|
|||
|
|
184 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
|||
|
|
185 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
|
|||
|
|
186 Well...if nobody is willing to leed the expidition to the used BOLO lot,then I
|
|||
|
|
187 will.but I seems to be a little tipsy from the ale and Glenlivit.where are the
|
|||
|
|
188 facilities in this fine inn? OH BARKEEP,the keys to the crapper please??
|
|||
|
|
189 Nknja,lets keep the killer stickwhift for later,when we REALY need some force.
|
|||
|
|
190
|
|||
|
|
191
|
|||
|
|
192 Aaron,wellcome back(front??) how long will you stay?
|
|||
|
|
193 Ma Yuan,why don't you use the report writing teqnique for messages? it would
|
|||
|
|
194 save lotsa reading time for us.start out each line with 2 spaces though,BWMS
|
|||
|
|
195 does not like uploads very much. that way you can use spellguard on them.
|
|||
|
|
196 Leonard,Bard,The Mad actor,Apprentice and others,HAad a good time at the meeting
|
|||
|
|
197 and PC&S,see you again in 2 weeks?
|
|||
|
|
198 The Man in Gray
|
|||
|
|
199 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
|
|||
|
|
200 FOTI: I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but while Italy's government
|
|||
|
|
201 is NOMINALLY communist, Germany's is NOT. In any case, just because they CALL
|
|||
|
|
202 themselves communist, that doesn't mean that they are the same as the government
|
|||
|
|
203 of the USSR. By the way, the government of the USSR is NOT communist. What they
|
|||
|
|
204 have is more properly called "state capitalism".
|
|||
|
|
205 And as for our not noticing if they took over West Germany and Italy, you had
|
|||
|
|
206 better check out some facts. Just off the top of my head I can tell you that the
|
|||
|
|
207 electronics business would go thru a crisis. It seems that about 50% of the raw
|
|||
|
|
208 hyper-pure silicon used outside of Japan comes from a company in West Germany. I
|
|||
|
|
209 happen to work for a US subsidiary of the firm in question. There are other
|
|||
|
|
210 things just as crucial in ANY non-third world nation you care to name. And in
|
|||
|
|
211 many third world nations, there are vital resources -- such as the oil you
|
|||
|
|
212 mentioned. The modern world is too interdependent for isolationism.
|
|||
|
|
213 The only reasons that the USSR hasn't invaded Europe yet are:
|
|||
|
|
214 1. They aren't certain that we wouldn't start firing off nukes.
|
|||
|
|
215 2. Their conventional forces in the area "only" outnumber NATO forces about 2:1.
|
|||
|
|
216 Most strategists feel that one should have odds of 5:1 when attacking someone
|
|||
|
|
217 who is defending their "home turf". The Soviet military is noted for being
|
|||
|
|
218 cautious. (see this month's Scientific American for a more detailed analysis. I
|
|||
|
|
219 think that it understates the Soviet position, but it should still help)
|
|||
|
|
220 _____________________________________Leonard____________________________________
|
|||
|
|
221 "Milord innkeeper, I must apoligize for failing to 'turn off the 'demon' that I
|
|||
|
|
222 was using in that joke on d. I fear that it has grown a bit too large to just
|
|||
|
|
223 idly dismiss. Luckily, since its breed feeds on disorder, I think we can work
|
|||
|
|
224 this out in an equitable manner." said the apprentice.
|
|||
|
|
225 He had drawn the innkeeper aside shortly after entering the Inn. The innkeeper
|
|||
|
|
226 looked sceptically at him.
|
|||
|
|
227 "As thou may have noticed, the inn does seem to have a rather large
|
|||
|
|
228 tendency towards disorder? The demon could 'feed' off of this. The main effect
|
|||
|
|
229 would be that Pam wouldn't have quite so much to clean up. You might say that th
|
|||
|
|
230 patrons would become somewhat 'non-accident' prone."
|
|||
|
|
231 At this the innkeeper displayed some interest, and they started serious
|
|||
|
|
232 negotiations. Much later the apprentice approached a party at a table..
|
|||
|
|
233 "Milords, Milady..", he began, "I hear that thou may have need of art
|
|||
|
|
234 such as mine?"
|
|||
|
|
235 "I have brought my staff, and also some small items which may aid us.
|
|||
|
|
236 Finally, if all else fails I have this.."
|
|||
|
|
237 He placed a small vial on the table, it contained a number of small
|
|||
|
|
238 blue pills. "I obtained these from some rather odd travelers. I know the names
|
|||
|
|
239 of two of their number, hast any of thee heard of 'Chester Anderson' or
|
|||
|
|
240 'Michael the Theodore Bear'?"
|
|||
|
|
241 .................................the apprentice.................................
|
|||
|
|
242 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
|||
|
|
243 Something is dreadfully wrong! I don't normally act like this...
|
|||
|
|
244 My mind doesn't seem to work! I am looking at the table as through a long
|
|||
|
|
245 black tunnel. There is a loud buzzing in my ears. The apprentice has
|
|||
|
|
246 just joined the group at the table. If I can only tell him...
|
|||
|
|
247 "Apprentice ... help! The ale, ish funny!"
|
|||
|
|
248 The buzzing is louder now. Those incautious belts of the Glenlivit are
|
|||
|
|
249 combining with whatever it was..... chloral hydrate??
|
|||
|
|
250 With all my strength I try to stand ....
|
|||
|
|
251 "Apprentish ... the ale ... knockout......
|
|||
|
|
252 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
|||
|
|
253
|
|||
|
|
254 From: Jason E. Elliott
|
|||
|
|
255 To: Anyone in the know
|
|||
|
|
256 Re: Programming
|
|||
|
|
257
|
|||
|
|
258
|
|||
|
|
264 I am looking for a part time (to become full time in June)
|
|||
|
|
265 programming job in either 'C', BASIC or any Assembler (given
|
|||
|
|
266 time to learn it). I would prefer to program in 'C' but right
|
|||
|
|
267 now, anything will do. If you know of such an opening please
|
|||
|
|
268 let me know. You may reach me by mail (address below) or on the
|
|||
|
|
269 following systems:
|
|||
|
|
270
|
|||
|
|
271 1) Reed College's PDP 11. Send mail to "/u/v/cbenson/jason".
|
|||
|
|
272 2) BWMS
|
|||
|
|
273
|
|||
|
|
274 Mailing address:
|
|||
|
|
275
|
|||
|
|
276 Oregon City, Oregon 97045
|
|||
|
|
277
|
|||
|
|
278 PS: I am game to working in either Portland or Oregon City until June.
|
|||
|
|
279 Starting in June I could work just about any place.
|
|||
|
|
280
|
|||
|
|
281 Thanks,
|
|||
|
|
282 Jason E. Elliott
|
|||
|
|
283 THERE EVER WAS A DAY THAT ONE COULD STAND UPON YHE MOUNTAINS AND SEE THE
|
|||
|
|
284 LAND STRETCH FOREVER WITHOUT A SCAR UPON ITS FACE. NOW THE CHILDREN OF MAN
|
|||
|
|
285 FOUL ITS AIR AND SEAS, LEAVING ONLY THE BITTER TEARS OF NATURE TO WREAK
|
|||
|
|
286 HAVOC UPON THE LAND. WE LOOK TO THE LIGHT OF SANITY, HOPING THAT ON THE
|
|||
|
|
287 MORROW WE MAY SEE A BETTER DAY, YET KNOWING THAT OUR TIME HAS BEEN RUN.
|
|||
|
|
288
|
|||
|
|
289 =-=-= What??
|
|||
|
|
290 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|
|||
|
|
291 This place is getting harder and harder to get onto anymore.
|
|||
|
|
292
|
|||
|
|
293 Valinor: I'm waiting for the next chapter, hurry before the package
|
|||
|
|
294 explodes!
|
|||
|
|
295
|
|||
|
|
296 Ninja: I can't help you with the '67 ford, but would you settle for one
|
|||
|
|
297 out of a '69? Lord knows the truck dosent work well enough to
|
|||
|
|
298 do me any good.
|
|||
|
|
299
|
|||
|
|
300
|
|||
|
|
301 Anyone out there into the wizardry trilogy? I'm on #3 (just started) and
|
|||
|
|
302 I was just wondering if I'm alone out here.
|
|||
|
|
303 Bo
|
|||
|
|
304 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|
|||
|
|
305 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
|
|||
|
|
306 WELL, I'VE RECOVERED THANX TO THE HELPFUL INFO. AND SYMPATHIES. JUST
|
|||
|
|
307 THOUGHT I'LD STOP IN AND LOOK FOR SOMETHING EXCITING..........BYE.
|
|||
|
|
308 JASON: HELLO!
|
|||
|
|
309 MIKEY: HAVE YOU HEARD THERE ARE RABID ANIMALS IN OUR FAIR NEIGHBORHOOD?
|
|||
|
|
310 THEY WERE OUT HERE WITH GUNS LAST WEEK, NEAR MY HOUSE TRACKING ONE. THE
|
|||
|
|
311 ANIMAL WAS ALREADY IN AN ADVANCED STAGE, FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND ALL
|
|||
|
|
312 THAT. DO YOU HAVE PETS?
|
|||
|
|
313 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
|
|||
|
|
314 THANX FER THE DRINK PIPER! IT REALLY HIT THE SPOT.
|
|||
|
|
315 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
|
|||
|
|
316 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
|||
|
|
317
|
|||
|
|
318 Aaron,
|
|||
|
|
319 Sorry to hear about the untimely death of Unicom. I was looking forward
|
|||
|
|
320 to a multi-user system. As for a suitable game that would lend its self to
|
|||
|
|
321 a digital environment may I suggest a modified form of " Risk ".
|
|||
|
|
322 Where one combined the tactical requirements of Risk with the political
|
|||
|
|
323 intrigue and alliances that is found with Diplomacy. Perhaps even add Nuclear
|
|||
|
|
324 warfare as an option. Maybe even a file
|
|||
|
|
325 on each Color--Country as to its intentions - and official stance towards its
|
|||
|
|
326 neighbors ?....
|
|||
|
|
327 Hmmmm . . . . . what potential
|
|||
|
|
328
|
|||
|
|
329 D.O.M,
|
|||
|
|
330 Good to see you back
|
|||
|
|
331
|
|||
|
|
332 d,
|
|||
|
|
333 I was worried about what happened to Nila
|
|||
|
|
334
|
|||
|
|
335 :::::::::::Alex:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|
|||
|
|
336 Spektre: My compuuter still seems to be in a stage of bad working order I'm suprised I managed to get it turned on to write hel
|
|||
|
|
337 anyway I guess it is about time to find my recept. give me a call after you read this
|
|||
|
|
338 ************************** THE RUNNER *****************************************
|
|||
|
|
339 help
|
|||
|
|
340 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 27 Feb 84 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
|
|||
|
|
341 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 19:14 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
|
|||
|
|
342 Alex, you will need to inquire of a certain Capt`n Barefoot to
|
|||
|
|
343 hear what became of Nila, not I! I do believe I've seen the damp prints
|
|||
|
|
344 of his feet by the hearth, under another name. Add my appeal, if you
|
|||
|
|
345 would, for Nila is charming in her innocence; I've wondered what had
|
|||
|
|
346 become of her journey to 'where east begins' as well.
|
|||
|
|
347 Jason Elliott? Welcome to the Backwater Inn, my friend! Truly, I
|
|||
|
|
348 never expected to hear your voice in these lands; come, take a seat at
|
|||
|
|
349 my table and I will instruct you in the manner of the gentle folk.
|
|||
|
|
350 Deb, I'm anxious to see the scrolls you spoke of: name a time.
|
|||
|
|
351 The ticklers you left me made a smile quiver briefly when I saw them;
|
|||
|
|
352 thank you for remembering me. Like the rest, glad you shook off the cold.
|
|||
|
|
353 Bard, amidst your many songs, do you have a solemn dirge? Unicom's
|
|||
|
|
354 demise should be honoured! Aaron, how bedraggled and weary you look from
|
|||
|
|
355 your travels--please, tarry a while by the fire, and refresh yourself.
|
|||
|
|
356 Would you have a hot buttered rum to warm your bones, or mulled cider?
|
|||
|
|
357 DOM, we will miss you when you sail away to Tokyo; your voice thunders
|
|||
|
|
358 when you speak, and the echoes reberverate for days amidst the beams...
|
|||
|
|
359 Mr. Tim, I would attempt to shake your hand, but as I am equally as
|
|||
|
|
360 coordinated as you, I'll be content with smiling! I was chortling in the
|
|||
|
|
361 corner in delight over your wonderful ego, and I simply had to speak!
|
|||
|
|
362 Pam, I almost dare not address you for fear you'll blow away as a
|
|||
|
|
363 will'o the wisp; are you there, dear friend?
|
|||
|
|
364 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> d <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
|
|||
|
|
365 NOTE: The names in this sketch are those of the actors. Not of the chara-
|
|||
|
|
366 cters protrayed. So Mrs. Idle is not related to Eric Idle in this
|
|||
|
|
367 sketch. - The Walrus, Goo goo g'joob.
|
|||
|
|
368
|
|||
|
|
369 THE RESTAURANT SKETCH
|
|||
|
|
370
|
|||
|
|
371 Graham Chapman and Mrs. Idle are sitting in a restaurant.
|
|||
|
|
372 Terry Jones, the waiter, walks towards them.
|
|||
|
|
373
|
|||
|
|
374 M. IDLE: Nice here, isn't it?
|
|||
|
|
375 CHAPMAN: Ah, a very good restaurant, three stars, you know.
|
|||
|
|
376 M. IDLE: Really?
|
|||
|
|
377 JONES: Good evening, sir. Good evening, madam. And may I say what a
|
|||
|
|
378 pleasure it is to see you here again, sir.
|
|||
|
|
379 CHAPMAN: Oh, thank you. (looking at the menu) Well, there you are, dear.
|
|||
|
|
380 Take a look at that. The Boffan Cruque is fantastic.
|
|||
|
|
381 JONES: If I may suggest, sir, the Phesent a la Reine, the sauce is one
|
|||
|
|
382 of the chef's most famous creations.
|
|||
|
|
383 CHAPMAN: Mmmm, that sounds good. (to Mrs. Idle) Well, anyway, just have a
|
|||
|
|
384 look. Take your time. (to the waiter) Oh, by the way, I've got
|
|||
|
|
385 a bit of a dirty fork, could you get me another one?
|
|||
|
|
386 JONES: I beg your pardon?
|
|||
|
|
387 CHAPMAN: Uh, it's nothing. I've got a fork, it's a little bit dirty.
|
|||
|
|
388 Could you get me another one?
|
|||
|
|
389 JONES: Oh, sir, I do apoligize.
|
|||
|
|
390 CHAPMAN: Oh, no need to apoligize. It doesn't worry me.
|
|||
|
|
391 JONES: No, no, no. I do apoligize. I will fetch the head waiter
|
|||
|
|
392 immediatement.
|
|||
|
|
393 CHAPMAN: Oh, there's no need to do that.
|
|||
|
|
394 JONES: No, no. I'm sure the head waiter, he will want to apoligize to
|
|||
|
|
395 you himself. I will fetch him at once.
|
|||
|
|
396 M. IDLE: Well, you certainly get good service here.
|
|||
|
|
397 CHAPMAN: They really look after you, yes. (Michael Palin, the head waiter,
|
|||
|
|
398 arrives)
|
|||
|
|
399 PALIN: Excuse me, sir, madam. (looks at the fork) It's filthy! Garcon,
|
|||
|
|
400 find out who washed this up and give them their card immediately!
|
|||
|
|
401 No, better still, we can't afford to take any chances, sack the
|
|||
|
|
402 entire washing-room staff.
|
|||
|
|
403 CHAPMAN: Look, I don't want to make any trouble.
|
|||
|
|
404 PALIN: No, please, it's no trouble. It's quite right, though, you
|
|||
|
|
405 should point these kind of things out. Garcon, tell the manager
|
|||
|
|
406 what has happened immediately!
|
|||
|
|
407 CHAPMAN: No, no, please. I don't want to cause any fuss.
|
|||
|
|
408 PALIN: Please, it's no fuss. We simply wish to assure that nothing
|
|||
|
|
409 interferes with the complete enjoyment of your meal.
|
|||
|
|
410 CHAPMAN: Oh, I'm sure it won't. It's only a dirty fork.
|
|||
|
|
411 PALIN: I know, and I'm sorry. Bitterly sorry. But I know that no apo-
|
|||
|
|
412 ligies I can make can alter the fact that, in our restaurant,
|
|||
|
|
413 you have been given a dirty, filthy, smelly piece of cuttlery!
|
|||
|
|
414 CHAPMAN: It's not smelly.
|
|||
|
|
415 PALIN: It's smelly, and obscene, and disgusting, and I hate it! I hate
|
|||
|
|
416 it! I hate it! Nasty, grubby, mangey, dirty little fork! (Eric
|
|||
|
|
417 Idle, the manager, comes in and gestures Palin away.)
|
|||
|
|
418 IDLE: Good evening, sir. Good evening, madam. I'm the manager. I've
|
|||
|
|
419 only just heard. May I sit down?
|
|||
|
|
420 CHAPMAN: Yes, of course.
|
|||
|
|
421 IDLE: I want to apoligize humbly, deeply, and sincerely about the fork.
|
|||
|
|
422 CHAPMAN: Oh, no need. It's only a tiny thing. You couldn't see it.
|
|||
|
|
423 IDLE: Oh, you're good, kind, fine people for saying that. But I can
|
|||
|
|
424 see it. To me it's like a mountain, a vast bowl of pus! It
|
|||
|
|
425 gets me here. (hits his chest) I can't give you any excuses for
|
|||
|
|
426 it. There are no excuses. I've been meaning to spend more time
|
|||
|
|
427 in the restaurant recently, but I haven't been too well. Things
|
|||
|
|
428 aren't going very well back there. The poor cook's son has
|
|||
|
|
429 been put away again, and poor Mrs. Delrimper who does the
|
|||
|
|
430 washing up can hardly move her poor fingers. And then there's
|
|||
|
|
431 Gilberto's war wound. But they're good people, and they're
|
|||
|
|
432 kind people, and together we were beginning to get over this
|
|||
|
|
433 dark patch. There was light at the end of the tunnel, when
|
|||
|
|
434 this, when this happened! (he puts his head in his hands and
|
|||
|
|
435 starts to cry)
|
|||
|
|
436 CHAPMAN: Could I get you some water?
|
|||
|
|
437 E. IDLE: It's the end of the road! (John Cleese, the cook, comes out
|
|||
|
|
438 with a meat cleaver)
|
|||
|
|
439 CLEESE: You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! (Chapman laughs
|
|||
|
|
440 as if it's all a practical joke) Look what you've done to him!
|
|||
|
|
441 He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it
|
|||
|
|
442 is! And you come in with your petty, feeble quibling, and you
|
|||
|
|
443 grind him into the dirt! This fine, honorable man who's boots
|
|||
|
|
444 you are not worthy to kiss! Oh, it makes me mad. Mad. (he
|
|||
|
|
445 throws the cleaver into the table) Mad.
|
|||
|
|
446 PALIN: Easy Mongo, easy! Mongo! (grabbing his head) Oh, the war wound!
|
|||
|
|
447 The wound! The wound!
|
|||
|
|
448 E. IDLE: It's the end! It's the end!! (stabbed himself with the fork)
|
|||
|
|
449 CLEESE: He's dead! You killed him! (Cleese retrieves the cleaver and
|
|||
|
|
450 lifts it to attack Chapman but Palin stops him)
|
|||
|
|
451 PALIN: Mongo! Never kill a customer. Oh, the wound! The wound!
|
|||
|
|
452 (Cleese tries to kill Chapman again but Jones runs in and
|
|||
|
|
453 tackles him and they fly across the table)
|
|||
|
|
454
|
|||
|
|
455 And now, the punchline...
|
|||
|
|
456
|
|||
|
|
457 CHAPMAN: Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife.
|
|||
|
|
458
|
|||
|
|
459 :.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:
|
|||
|
|
460 P.S. TO SYSOP - Please erase disk B the next time you need to delete one.
|
|||
|
|
461 I did a lot of work getting the above sketch uploaded so I'd like to have
|
|||
|
|
462 it on as long as possible. Thanks. - The Walrus
|
|||
|
|
463
|
|||
|
|
464 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|||
|
|
465 TO THE ADVENTURERS: May I join in your
|
|||
|
|
466 journey to the BOLOS lot? Maybe I can be of a little assistance.
|
|||
|
|
467
|
|||
|
|
468
|
|||
|
|
469 LEONARD: I was not exactly trying to be
|
|||
|
|
470 factual, I was trying to make a point.
|
|||
|
|
471 And the last I heard East Germany was communist and had
|
|||
|
|
472 very little to do with our economy. Learned that in
|
|||
|
|
473 social studies you know.
|
|||
|
|
474 But my point was, you can't solve anything
|
|||
|
|
475 by destroying the world. Except maybe peace (or maybe Pieces, millions of
|
|||
|
|
476 little PIECES!).
|
|||
|
|
477
|
|||
|
|
478 FOTI
|
|||
|
|
479 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|||
|
|
480 *********************************************************************
|
|||
|
|
481 DEB: RABID?! YUCK! NO, NO PETS, JUST THE COMUNAL DUCKS AND GEESE,BEAVER,
|
|||
|
|
482 AND OTHER ODD AND ASSORTED TYPICAL NEIGBORHOOD ANIMALS, BUT NO PETS.
|
|||
|
|
483 **********************************************************************
|
|||
|
|
484
|
|||
|
|
485 FOTI, as i recall, you had indicated of Russia taking over Germany.
|
|||
|
|
486 now since Russia already has control of East Germany, i think that Leonard
|
|||
|
|
487 was save to assume that you were speaking of West Germany which Russia
|
|||
|
|
488 doesn't currently control (though they would like to very much, and
|
|||
|
|
489 have continually stated so). However, be that as it may, thinking logically
|
|||
|
|
490 doesn't help a whole lot when dealing with large super governments such as
|
|||
|
|
491 the US and Russia. Keep in mind that they have a vested interest in maintainling
|
|||
|
|
492 control over the various contries for a number of reasosns, one as you pointed
|
|||
|
|
493 out, the need to keep the source of their resorces in freindly hands.
|
|||
|
|
494 But also, the desire to have others believe in the same way of life as
|
|||
|
|
495 they do. They are no different then religonites in that respect, and is
|
|||
|
|
496 problably why the two have gone hand in hand so often in the past.
|
|||
|
|
497 A good way to view the two countries, is to think of them as a couple
|
|||
|
|
498 of street gangs defending their turf, and trying to expand that teritory
|
|||
|
|
499 whereever possible. SUre it aiN't logical to blow the world to smitherens,
|
|||
|
|
500 but who ever said the world was run in a logical manner?
|
|||
|
|
501 ++++++++++++++++++++++ I. S. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
|
|||
|
|
502 Black and yellow stars floated before the Poet's eyes as he tried to focus
|
|||
|
|
503 his attention on what the Piper was saying.
|
|||
|
|
504 "The ale? Yerrsss, itbf'S stglrongler thann yushull..."
|
|||
|
|
505 He had to stop at that point, because someone was flashing the lights. This
|
|||
|
|
506 struck him as odd, for as all actors know it's nearly impossible to flash
|
|||
|
|
507 candle-and-lamplight. Flicker, yes; flash, no. He was attempting to comment
|
|||
|
|
508 on this to Graymalkin when the room began spinning, and he was sucked down
|
|||
|
|
509 into blackness...
|
|||
|
|
510 && The Mad Actor &&
|
|||
|
|
511 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
|||
|
|
512 ............................. . . . . .
|
|||
|
|
513 .
|
|||
|
|
514 a thought drifting in blackness..
|
|||
|
|
515 the apprentice reality pills.
|
|||
|
|
516 ...hairy fishnuts.......NO!!...the thought was too mutch
|
|||
|
|
517 ....flying fish
|
|||
|
|
518 ......blackness
|
|||
|
|
519
|
|||
|
|
520 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
|
|||
|
|
521 The apprentice, realizing that the ale had been drugged spun into action.
|
|||
|
|
522 He made a few gestures (later onlookers would claim that his hands seemed to
|
|||
|
|
523 flicker in and out of existence), and spoke an incantation under his breath. The
|
|||
|
|
524 room seemed to recede into the distance and then snapped back into sharp focus.
|
|||
|
|
525 As the drinkers straightened up, he spoke; "I'm sorry but I had to remove ALL
|
|||
|
|
526 the foriegn substances in your bodies, what a waste of good liquor..."
|
|||
|
|
527 "I suggest that we continue this discussion in private," raising his voice,
|
|||
|
|
528 "Milord innkeeper, we shall be using the OTHER back room."
|
|||
|
|
529 "But there isn't..." began the innkeeper. The apprentice raised an eyebrow,
|
|||
|
|
530 paused and then winked. The innkeeper finished," Very well, whatever you say."
|
|||
|
|
531 He turned away muttering something about "people changing the inn all the time."
|
|||
|
|
532 ...................................the apprentice...............................
|
|||
|
|
533 Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
|
|||
|
|
534 Aleph-null bottles of beer.
|
|||
|
|
535 Take one down, pass it around.
|
|||
|
|
536 Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
|
|||
|
|
537
|
|||
|
|
538 The bard broke off the song he had been singing (for some time it seemed) and
|
|||
|
|
539 looked around. The ale... there must have been something in it..
|
|||
|
|
540
|
|||
|
|
541 His head clear now, he observed the exchange between the apprentice & the
|
|||
|
|
542 innkeeper with a smile. Rising to join the others in moving to "the OTHER" (?!)
|
|||
|
|
543 backroom, he suddenly remembered a request that d had made just before things
|
|||
|
|
544 started getting weird.
|
|||
|
|
545 He paused, bowed toward the lady and began.
|
|||
|
|
546 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
|||
|
|
547 The Dying Robot (words: Jeff Speiser, tune: Red River Valley)
|
|||
|
|
548 Oh, this lonely old robot is aching,
|
|||
|
|
549 And his parts, they are wearing away.
|
|||
|
|
550 Some new parts he'll soon now be needing,
|
|||
|
|
551 But their cost no one will defray.
|
|||
|
|
552
|
|||
|
|
553 Oh, my photoreceptors are failing,
|
|||
|
|
554 And my eyesight begins to grow dim.
|
|||
|
|
555 Some new parts they say they are mailing,
|
|||
|
|
556 But my chances begin to look slim.
|
|||
|
|
557
|
|||
|
|
558 I've been true, I've been brave, I've been loyal.
|
|||
|
|
559 I have met each and every human test.
|
|||
|
|
560 But as soon as this tired body wears out
|
|||
|
|
561 They'll just toss me on the scrap heap with the rest.
|
|||
|
|
562 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
|||
|
|
563 ps piper, I see that you recognized them too! shhh, don't spill the beans (ouch!)
|
|||
|
|
564 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
|||
|
|
565 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
|
|||
|
|
566 d, SHALL I ASSUME YOU ARE GOING TO BE AROUND FOR A WHILE? PERHAPS I
|
|||
|
|
567 COULD INTEREST YOU IN A LIVELY DISCUSSION.......LIKE THE ONES THAT USED
|
|||
|
|
568 TO RAMPAGE BETWEEN US. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN SUCH AN EXCHANGE?.......
|
|||
|
|
569 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
|
|||
|
|
570 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
>
|