229 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
229 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
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From ilana@cgdra.UCAR.EDU Mon Jul 3 18:30:03 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: ilana@cgdra.UCAR.EDU (Ilana Stern)
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Subject: What's in a name?
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Keywords: true, chuckle
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Date: 3 Jul 89 23:30:03 GMT
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(From Time Magazine, 19 June 1989 (therefore presumably true):)
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No international laws govern the christening of countries; the label
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that sticks is determined by the tastes or even the sanity of its
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rulers. Anti-colonialism, however, is the most common rationale for
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national renaming.
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Filipinos have long bristled at the colonialistic implications of calling
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their country the Philippines, in honor of Philip II of Spain. During
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the regime of Ferdinand Marcos, there was a campaign to rename the
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country "Maharlika", a native word meaning noble and aristocratic.
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Plans for the rechristening proceeded apace until an academic pointed out
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that the word was probably derived from Sanskrit.
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Fine, its proponents said, Sanskrit is a non-imperialist language.
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Yes, replied the scholar, but "Maharlika" was most likely derived from the
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words "maha lingam," meaning "great phallus."
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That was the end of the campaign.
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: If you POST your joke instead of mailing it, I will not reply.
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From alcmist@well.UUCP Tue Jul 4 05:30:06 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: alcmist@well.UUCP (Frederick Wamsley)
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Subject: What is Socialism?
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Keywords: chuckle
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Date: 4 Jul 89 10:30:06 GMT
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The Poles say it's the longest and most painful
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of the roads to capitalism.
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[quoted by Michael Novak in Forbes]
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke
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because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.
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From falces@umvlsi.ecs.umass.edu Thu Jul 6 02:20:06 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: falces@umvlsi.ecs.umass.edu (Laurel Falces)
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Subject: Pete Rose
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Keywords: topical, chuckle
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Date: 6 Jul 89 07:20:06 GMT
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(From David Letterman's show of Tuesday 6-27-89, and transcribed from the
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USA Today issue of 6-28-89...)
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TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO SUSPEND PETE ROSE FROM BASEBALL
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10. Really young gamblers need a role model.
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9. Ten million Pete Rose wigs already shipped to Hall of Fame gift shop.
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8. If suspended, might reveal identity of San Diego Chicken.
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7. He kept his promise to kid in hospital: "I'm putting 50 bucks on
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today's game for you, son."
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6. Might go play baseball in Japan and develop comercially viable
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superconductor during the offseason, which would increase Japan's
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ever-widening economic supremacy over the United States.
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5. He bet five grand they would suspend him and will make 50 grand at
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10-to-1 odds.
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4. No casino greeter jobs currently open.
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3. Baseball needs professional wrestling pizzazz of being fixed.
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2. How can you suspend Off Track Betting's "Man of the Year"?
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1. Betting slips, fingerprints, handwriting, telephone records, sworn
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depositions -- Come on! Let's have some REAL proof!
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--
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John Franjione
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to topical@looking.ON.CA
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From rdclark@apple.com Thu Jul 6 05:30:04 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: rdclark@apple.com (Richard Clark)
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Subject: Surgeon General
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Keywords: chuckle, sexual
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Date: 6 Jul 89 10:30:04 GMT
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From Mark Russel's recent special --
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"Did you know, that just a few years ago, C Everett Koop was a
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`3-pack a day' man? That's a lot of condoms!"
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to topical@looking.ON.CA
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From greg@bosco.Berkeley.EDU Thu Jul 6 18:30:04 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: greg@bosco.Berkeley.EDU
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Subject: Comments on the future evolution of languages.
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Keywords: original, smirk
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Date: 6 Jul 89 23:30:04 GMT
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Comments on the future evolution of languages:
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There are consistent trends in the past evolution of languages, and in
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all likelihood they will continue to change in the same fashion in the
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future.
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In 200 years, spoken French will have only one sound, a vowel. All
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consonants and gaps between words and sentences will disappear, leaving
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only an extended "Eauuuuuuuuuuuu..." Meaning will be inferred from
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facial expression. Written French will stay exactly the same.
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These consonants will not be entirely forgotten; they will migrate
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to Czechoslovakia, which will by that time have no use for vowels.
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In 200 years, the English vocabulary will be the union of all other
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vocabularies, but the spelling will be original.
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Similarly, the Japanese alphabet will be the union of all other alphabets
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in the world.
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The Cyrillic alphabet will eventually be the same as the Latin
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alphabet, only backwards. A mirror will suffice for translating
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Russian into Polish.
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Finally, in 200 years, entire books in Germany will be one word. Plus
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a verb at the end, of course.
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--
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Greg
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greg@math.berkeley.edu
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to topical@looking.ON.CA
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From dg@lakart.UUCP Fri Jul 7 02:20:04 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: dg@lakart.UUCP (David Goodenough)
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Subject: Minimum wage
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Keywords: topical, smirk
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Date: 7 Jul 89 07:20:04 GMT
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When questioned as to why he vetoed the minimum wage increase,
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George Bush is reported to have replied:
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"I didn't think Dan Quale deserved a pay rise"
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[Heard on an early morning radio show in Boston (Loren & Wally in the morning,
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WVBF FM 105.7 - Boston)]
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
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From rolfe@umn-cs.cs.umn.edu Fri Jul 7 05:30:04 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: rolfe@umn-cs.cs.umn.edu (Timothy Rolfe)
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Subject: Potentially offensive to economists
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Keywords: smirk
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Date: 7 Jul 89 10:30:04 GMT
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K. M. Reese, "Newscripts", Chemical & Engineering News
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(26 Jun 89), p. 64: "An economist, incidentally, is a chap who,
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when asked for his social security number, gives an estimate."
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.
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From jans%stammer.labs.tek.com@RELAY.CS.NET Sat Jul 8 02:20:05 1989
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Flags: 000000000000
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From: jans%stammer.labs.tek.com@RELAY.CS.NET (Jan Steinman)
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Subject: George *has* balls!
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Keywords: chuckle, topical
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Date: 8 Jul 89 07:20:05 GMT
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Philip Agee, former CIA agent turned intelligence community watchdog and
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whistle-blower, spoke in April at Reed College in Portland. He quoted Manuel
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Noriega: "I've got George Bush by the balls," and noted that the quote
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was "one of those rare statements that contains *two* revelations."
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--
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Jan Steinman - N7JDB
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Electronic Systems Laboratory
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line. Not "joke."
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