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%% The Rumpus Chronicles! %%
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%% A legend from the minds of the sick: %%
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%% The Reflex & Agent Macabre %%
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%% Omnipotent, Incorporated %%
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At this point you are wondering what a Rumpus is...you are wondering why
you are reading this file...you are wondering why we wrote this. The answers
these ponderings and more will be explained in this exploration into a world of
a living nightmare: The Rumpus!
First the definition(s): RUMPUS (rum-pus') -- a loud noise or obnoxious object
RUMPUS ROOM -- residence of a Rumpus
BACKGROUND:
A Rumpus can be found living in the suburbs of a city just like many more
across the United States of America. A city with a downtown. A city with the
suburbs. A city that doesn't stand out much, except for the fact that it
possesses a Rumpus. It is in the suburbia that it dwells. The suburbia called
Alief (ay-leaf').
This Rumpus used to go a high school in the Alief Independent District of
Schools (A.I.D.S.). It was a legend in its own time. This Rumpus was of a
male gender (so it is a commonly held belief), so we will refer to it as "he,"
"him," or "Ugh!" instead of "it."
The Rumpus consisted of a short (five foot, four inch) Filipino with thick
vision-correction apparatuses (glasses) with spiked (porcupine) hair and was
slightly (ahem!) overweight. Like it was stated before, he was a legend in his
own time, though it was short.
Around the school, Rumpus was considered by many to be what could be
called a "pain." Speaking through his nose, he would issue a reply of "Unh!"
to a statement that would displease him. He was a member of the senior high
school instrumental orchestral society (also referred to as the "band") in
which he would attempt to issue notes from an instrument known as a tuba that
was twice as big as him and would crush him out of existence if it should ever
by chance fall over on him. Considered a "stud" in his homelands on the other
side of the globe, he was thought of as quite less by the female half of the
human race on this side. Always becoming infatuated with attractive females
that would not care to sneeze in his direction at anyone's request. This made
him turn to nocturnal activities of flogging his frog, spanking his monkey,
beating his meat, whacking off, jacking off, jerking off, or as it ultimately
became known as, "Rumpusing off!"
A LEGEND IS BORN:
[Names have been changed to protect the identities of those that would not
care to have their names printed here in association with Omnipotent,
Incorporated.]
The sad tale began when Rumpus invited several friends (so he thought)
over to play "VID-EE-0H GAMEZ!!1!" [Ed. note: Sorry had to do it.]. After
playing with the computer for a while, Rumpus became bored and decided to take
a shower (so he said). He reached for something from behind the bed that was
wrapped up in a shirt. Clothes wrapped around a girlie magazine was what it
was. He waddled into the bathroom whining an "Unh!" to whoever made any jokes
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