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<20><> <20><>
<20> electronic literary 'zine <20>
*<2A><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>*
<20> <20>Ĵ volume one <20><><EFBFBD> <20>
*<2A><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>*
stop plagiarism - let out your soul
Copyright 1994
<20> <20><>compiled & edited by Twilight<68><74> <20>
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<EFBFBD> Table of Contents <20>
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
1. A New Day's Frost - Blue Powder
2. Challenge Me. - Zidjian
3. Control - Falling Leaves
4. Cheating - Twilight
5. Dancing Blood - Angel Alice
6. Dateline PMS (Predictions, Mistakes, and Stupidity) - Black Sabbath
7. Dead Leaves - Sin
8. I Don't Believe - Twilight
9. I Remember You - Twilight
10. I'll Be A Friend To You - Angst
11. It Is Finished - Sin
12. Jack. - Twilight
13. Lies, All Lies - Twilight
14. Love Goes Boom - Homer the Brave
15. Lust - G. Mahan, aka Kinky Kiss
16. Mass Production - Silent Scream
17. Metamorphosis - J.D.
18. Midnight Sky - Happy Phantom
19. More - Paladin Lord
20. Pool - C. Eric
21. Propagation Of Error - ac869@freenet.HSC.Colorado.EDU / zme
22. Sanguine - Marcella G., aka Lolly-Pop/Kleeo
23. Siren - Sin
24. Suicide Blonde - Angel Alice
25. Suicide Is Painless - Mike Altman and Johnny Mandel
26. The Dead God - Joshua Smith, aka The Dead God
27. 'Til Death Do Us Part - SunStryke
28. To Be Or Not To Be - Twilight
29. Two, Not One - Twilight
30. Untitled - Angst
31. Untitled - Armand
32. Untitled - Blackstar
33. Untitled - Blue Powder
34. Untitled - Capt. Spastic
35. Untitled - Homer the Brave
36. Untitled - Jello Biafra
37. Untitled - Leah
38. Untitled - Leah
39. Untitled - Matthew and Gunnar Nelson
40. Untitled - Shadou
41. Untitled - Silent Scream
42. Vampyre - Shadou
<EFBFBD> Including Quotes From:
The Bible, Christopher Buckley, Kurt Cobain, Congreve, Jo Coudert, Flier,
Henry Ford, "Jack Handey", John Lennon, Courtney Love,
Stephen Lush (aka Fusion), Michel Monnot, Charles Ruffing, Shadou, and
Twilight
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A New Day's Frost
<EFBFBD> Blue Powder
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
There is a lone voice
that fills the air
and echoes in despair
And to the moon
it cries at night
on its endless flight
Seeking an answer
Finding a way
On to another day
There is a fading light
that has no eyes
to seek out the lies
It flickers out
and it grows dark
as I wear the mark
Seeking a truth
Finding a way
On to another day
There are no thoughts
and little emotion
just the ocean
of many feelings
and nothing to feel
while we heal
Seeking a peace
Finding a way
On to another day
"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." <20> Henry Ford
Challenge Me.
<EFBFBD> Zidjian
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
- Challenge me.
- That's all I want.
- Just challenge me.
> I challenge you.
- Good, now you're dead.
> What do you mean?
- Look at yourself.
- Are you there?
- Are you sure?
- Look again.
- How can you be there
if you're dead?
> I'm not there.
- Look at your hand.
- What do you see?
- Do you see a hand?
- Or something else?
> I'm not sure.
> I don't want to challenge you.
> I want to run.
- Run?
- Run where?
- You're locked in a room
with no walls.
> Where's the door?
- There is no door.
> How do I get out?
- You don't.
> Why are you doing this?
- You challenged me.
> Stop the room.
> I want to get off.
- It's too late for that.
> I'm sorry.
> God, I'm sorry.
- You're dead.
- Challenge me.
Control
<EFBFBD> Falling Leaves
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Tell me what to do.
That's what I need.
If you don't, who will?
I can't do anything on my own
I need to be controlled.
Control me.
Make me your desire.
That's what I need.
Make my every thought be of uselessness.
I am vulnerable
I am in love.
This sickening disease
that helps you to control me.
I am no longer myself.
What do you want from me?
I am not who I used to be.
I am you.
You control me.
Control me.
Let me die my horrible death.
I will be your burden no more
just let me die now
so I can be as you wish when I die
in your control.
Let me be me
because I don't want to be you any more.
Cheating
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Look at you.
God, look at that smile...
You're mixing me up
Fuckin' messin' with my brain
...and my heart.
I'm in love, you fool!
Don't mess with me
My affection belongs elsewhere
and I can't go on lending it -
to you.
Tellin' ya to leave me alone
Go way, I can't look at you
But...I want to.
I need to...
You turn me on.
You send me for rides
on the emotional roller coaster
Travelin' from place to place
Doomed to repeat past mistakes
What should I do?
Should I give you a chance
Don't want to never know your love
But will it be both ways?
Cuz...I have it already...
I have love -
Right *here*.
Don't want to regret
giving up a good thing...
for nothing.
Is it really that good, though...
Should I move on -
and fall into your arms...
that enticing embrace...
Damn you.
Damn you and the confusion you bring.
Can't choose...one or the other
But...lust is safe
Lust doesn't hurt
As long as it doesn't turn to love.
Dancing Blood
<EFBFBD> Angel Alice
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Music blasting through my brain,
Pounding on my body,
I surrender and let it seduce me,
Like a gypsy's swirling skirt and golden earrings.
Wild hair is lifted by the fingers of the wind.
Barefoot on the grass, I dance.
Fast and hard, like the rhythm of two pulsing bodies.
Mine, and the music.
Passionate virgin lovemaking.
The night sings in rage and fury.
The moon shines lucidly.
The scent of jasmine intoxicates my body,
The scent of passion intoxicates my soul.
The ground tears my feet, the blood flows freely.
My blood, my dancing blood, spills to the earth,
Where it is swallowed.
Faster the music beats me,
Around and around.
Faster the steps,
Faster the blood flows,
Faster the wind blows,
Faster the world spins,
Harder.
Faster.
I am flying.
Dateline PMS (Predictions, Mistakes, and Stupidity)
Guaranteed 95.8% Inside Joke Free!
<EFBFBD> Black Sabbath
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???? 1992 - Little old lady commercials go out of style
Dec. 1993 - Santa Claus seen with venison in freezer, convicted of first
degree murder
Jan. 1994 - Jack Frost robs a liquor store, sez he was framed
Feb. 1994 - Cupid shoots arrow through passerby's heart, beaten to death by
L.A. cops
Mar. 1994 - Local teacher, Mr. Brecht, finally petitioned out of job, ends up
fighting as a Latino mercenary and eventually escapes into
African jungle to teach apes math
Apr. 1994 - Industrial Tech. glue turns bloody, teacher referred to nurse
May 1994 - Andrew Keller makes Anarchial history, but couldn't attend Nobel
Chemistry Prize Awards because one part of him left over after the
explosion felt camera-shy
Jun. 1994 - Howl-Net goes up, takes over world supercomputers, and eventually
begins World War Three, which results in nuclear holocaust; when
SysOp asked about incident, quoted as saying "Oops, wrong button."
Jul. 1994 - Clarence Thomas finds in his Cheerios what was connected to that
hair
Aug. 1994 - Atari makes a comeback with Andre Agassi Pong
Sep. 1994 - Menthos debuts their new catch phrase, "The Freshmaker!"
Nov. 1994 - Huh?
Dec. 1994 - Santa Claus on death row, Homey Claus takes over, everyone gets
socks in their stockings
Jan. 1995 - Jesus' image shows up on Mikhail Gorbachev's forehead
Feb. 1995 - Webster's speling go intoo efekt, stoopid peepole beecum smaart
(For those of you ignorants who don't know, Noah Webster suggested
making words spelled like they sounded...almost got his idea put
in effect!)
Mar. 1995 - Quail rekognissed as politikal jeenious hoo kan reelee spel
potatoe
Apr. 1995 - Disknee, ahem, Disney releases their knew, I mean new documentary,
Mr. Ed : Just Another Talking Horse or Hero To Millions?
May 1995 - Did you ever have that not so fresh feeling?
Jun. 1995 - WHAT?!?
Jul. 1995 - (Overheard at nursing home) Gran'son, lissen, deed you know about,
eh, the new things, you know, to, uh, protect yourself? The...
(cough)...condoms?
Aug. 1995 - Yeah, Gramps, I use those. Of course I know about them.
Sep. 1995 - Eh!? Well........could you get me some?
Nov. 1995 - Enough with the bad jokes! You're wasting precious lines
Dec. 1995 - Santa released from state pen, abuses Rudolph, and is sent up the
river for good this time
Jan. 1996 - Dan Quayle seen drunk coming on to several women in singles bar,
is grounded by his parents
Feb. 1996 - (Dan Quayle) But MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Mar. 1996 - (Mom Quayle) No buts. It's already bad enough you can't spell
potatoe! Why, just yesterday I found you ordering lingerie
with J. Edgar Hoover! You're grounded and that's final!
Apr. 1996 - (Dan Quayle) But MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
May 1996 - Playboy Bunny anounces his candidacy for president of US
Jun. 1996 - Beached whale at Palm Springs turns out to be just a bloated dead
human body left out in sun too long
Jul. 1996 - Godzilla spotted in Las Vegas casino playing blackjack with
Elvis and the Tooth Fairy
Aug. 1996 - Kids in K.I.S.D. sent back to school, principals all over
district mysteriously disappear
Sep. 1996 - Kids in H.I.S.D. go back to school, principals all over district
reportedly kidnapped by K.I.S.D. kids when H.I.S.D.
superintendent stated in press conferences, "Those stupid K.I.S.D.
kids and their schools built on rice fields, they had to go back
to school a MONTH EARLIER!!! HA HA HA HA!!!
Oct. 1996 - Freddy returns and attcks kids who are now grandparents in Elm
Street Nursing Home, but is overcome by arthritis and finally
decides to settle down
Nov. 1996 - Ballot casting time and Dan Quayle wins
Dec. 1996 - No wait, Dan Quayle WHINES. Sorry. Real winner is Ed MacMahon
Jan. 1997 - Ed sez during ceremonial inaugration, "Okay! My term is going
to address a serious issue, which is OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS!
Any punks with any overdue library books must face the
consequences! NO OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS IN '97!!!"
Feb. 1997 - Bystander releases footage of Cupid getting beaten by L.A. cops,
cops pardoned on every charge
Mar. 1997 - In outrage, all workers at Hallmark's Valentine Day Commitee stage
a humongous riot, smashing store windows and tearing up hearts
and little Easter Bunny pictures
Apr. 1997 - Cops quickly found guilty and electrocuted, Cupid is awarded new
bowstrings and some decent clothes
May 1997 - Spring rains raise worldwide ocean levels, ecologists all over
world baffled
Jun. 1997 - (OVERHEARD AT SAVE THE EARTH RALLY) DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
I'M GOING TO SPRAY GALLONS OF FREON INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Jul. 1997 - Nerds return to Muscle Beach, pounded into sand by Bloodthirsty,
the new Me Phi Me fraternity member
Aug. 1997 - Kendall Branch FINALLY gets a new book, "The 1954 Sears Roebuck
And Company Catalogue"
Sep. 1997 - Mick Jagger, now 112, releases new album, "The Prune Juice Has
Gone Bad"
Oct. 1997 - George Burns, now 2,671 years old, stars in, "Casablanca, a Remake
for Old Geezers"
Nov. 1997 - Ed MacMahon impeached when found trying to cash $15 million
dollar check made out to winner of Publisher's Clearing House
Sweepstakes; his veep, Johnny Carson, takes over
Dec. 1997 - I-N-X-S releases their new album, "Jingle Bell Latin American
Contemporary Rock for People Living Alternate Lifestyles"
Jan. 1998 - Arkansas refuses to stop dropping big rocks on their death row
inmates
Feb. 1998 - Robin Leech lets loose his comeback show, "The Not So Rich And
Famous Life Anymore Of Donald Trump"
Mar. 1998 - A man goes to his doctor. His doctor sez, "You're too fat, lose
some weight!"
Apr. 1998 - The man replies, "I'd like a second opinion."
May 1998 - And so the doctor sez back, "Okay, yer ugly too."
Jun. 1998 - Ugh. That was pretty bad. Goes to show what I'd do for Howl.
Jul. 1998 - Whuuuuut?
Aug. 1998 - I Dunnno.
Sep. 1998 - Focus! Focus!
Oct. 1998 - What?!? Be ON SUBJECT!?! Black Sabbath does not do "on subject."
Nov. 1998 - Charles Manson released from death row, announces his candidacy
as a Republican
Dec. 1998 - Electoral College votes...
Jan. 1999 - ...and votes...and votes...and votes...
Feb. 1999 - Electoral College found in hibernation, government decides to flip
coin instead
Mar. 1999 - Heads Manson, Tails Dahmer
Apr. 1999 - Manson wins, sacrifices his running mate to the Nazi sign on his
forehead
May 1999 - Manson announces everyone has to join his "family", is impeached
and sent to Uganda in exile
Jun. 1999 - Arnold Schwarzenneger sent to prison when they find big pink
steriod pills in his Wheaties one morning
Jul. 1999 - He sez, "I Wuz FRRAAAAAAMED! Ya! I thought zeh were
Marshmallows! Haaalp me!"
Aug. 1999 - Nils Benson makes great discovery; finally finds the ON button
on his 3,000 button Hewlett Packard Calculator with 2 megs Ram
and pocket printer
Sep. 1999 - King's Quest MLCXXXVIII released: "Arthur Goes Out To Pasture"
Oct. 1999 - The Great Pumpkin of Peanuts Fame is seen in backwoods Arkansas,
but is killed by some rednecks and turned into "Mah's
deeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious pun'kin pah"
Nov. 1999 - India changes its sacred animal from cow to turkey, begins
massive war with America, called the Great Stuffed Turkey With
Gravy Dressing War
Dec. 1999 - Santa Claus joins crime ring, many families wake up Christmas
morning to find their electronics gone
Jan. 2000 - YAY! The anticipated new century! We come into the future with
Japan the only world superpower, a depression, severe pollution,
a bajillion dollar deficit (a zitillion in pesos), and a 92%
ignorant population. Also, in the last centure, we have
discovered in total: disco, rap, nuclear waste, and bottled
water. Yay. Sigh.
"I told my friend today, (after she nearly killed us in her car), she wasn't
that great of a driver.
`I'm creative,' she replied." <20> Shadou
dead leaves
<EFBFBD> Sin
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
scarred by heaven's fire
brushed by scarlet lips of love
filagreed whorls
of yellowed swirling lace
and blushing hues
of golden summer nights...
o n e by o n e t h e y f a l l.
in the cold wind of a coming winter
sheathed in brittle ice
rooted in unyielding stone
I stand in their midst,
my glory gone
my colors turned to grey
an empty-fingered tree
in the autumn of my life
s t a r i n g
at these memories of you.
I don't believe.
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
You say you love me
But I'm just a silent wave
A grain of salt
In a sea of seas
You say you need me
But I'm just as useful
As a meaningless thought
A forgotten dream
You say you want me
But I'm desired as much
As a soul in bliss
Wants to be freed
You say you love me
You say you need me
You say you want me
Why don't I believe?
I Remember You
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Where have you gone...
What has happened to you...
Black and white against a page
From four years ago...
Lying here, staring, thinking,
So suddenly, I remember you...
And I remember seeing you again
And that you must be in here -
In this book of pictures.
Flipping feverishly through the pages,
My finger running down the names;
The printed text...
Looking for the R's - and yes,
You are here.
A little older than how I first remembered you,
But still, it is you.
As I stare into the unknowing eyes
Made of numerous pixels,
My mind races back -
Back to my innocence, my youth.
Caught in a whirlwind...
Me in a ponytail, bobby socks,
You, on your bike -
And oh yes, soon after - the talks we shared,
The "Love you!" before the click...
Before I could reciprocate.
The things we saw,
So fuzzy in my memory,
But I remember you...
Hell, yeah - you and your army jacket,
The grass, the games, the -
"I want to know *everything* about her!"
Excuse me; I must blush...
Looking fondly back on the memories
Just as I look fondly upon you now...
Missing the carefree happiness,
The excitement of two young spirits
Sharing their youths together
In new-found electricity.
Sigh...then I heard you became a father,
And I recognized you, watched you,
But you were too caught up in your new life...
Only saw past me.
Yet, I was different;
I had changed.
You did not give me the chance to say hello
Before you left once more...
Did you move...? Drop out...? Get married...?
What happened to you...
And most of all -
Do you remember me...
Do you know I am here -
Writing about you...
Thinking about you...
Even short-lived, what wonderful times we shared...
Together.
I was merely a pebble in your ocean,
But alas, you will never know
How you were a milestone in mine...
"Let me be the one who loves you -
'Til the end of time..."
"If you think lips are cool, wait 'til you wake up one morning next to your
love, her naked back facing you, a window behind, silhouetting the curve of
her body as she sleeps peacefully. You snuggle up close and put your arm
around her, holding her tight as if the world were about to end..." <20> Shadou
I'll Be a Friend to You
<EFBFBD> Angst
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Not to hurt you
Not to desert you
Not to turn you out the door.
Not to own you
Not to disown you
I just want to love you more.
There's so many ways i need
to learn to love you.
There's so much I want to do
There's so many ways I need
to show you that I
will be a friend to you.
Not to tame you
Not to defame you
Not to even up the score.
Not to make you
Not to forsake you
I just want to love you more.
it is finished
<EFBFBD> Sin
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
what kind of parable is this
My love betrayed by a Judas Kiss
what kind of holy cross is this
crucified for my kindliness
what kind of church is this
where the radio sings and the TV talks
what kind of crutch is this
in a crippled land where evil walks
what foolish faith is this
this misplaced trust in innocents
what twisted joy is this
this self-inflicted penitence
what saving grace is this
to save one life while another dies
what hidden truth is this
dead and buried in myths and lies
what is the point of this
why do I hang for this
I want an end to this...
"Imagine there's no heaven - it's easy if you try... No hell below us; above
us only sky." <20> John Lennon
Jack.
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Afraid...
Fearing that Jack is awaiting me,
Ready to pounce
from underneath the red and plastic lid
Scratching his way out -
Let me out! Let me out!
But the nice painted box tries to play the fool.
I listen to the haunting melody,
Fearing each new note as it tinkers out
into the stillness of the ominous air.
Thick and suffocating.
yet...enchanting...
Holding my breath
As each slight turn of the handle
Does not yet bring the beast to my throat.
But, as the song progresses,
That one note will indeed come -
It is unavoidable.
But still, I hope.
I hope that...perhaps...
This box is broken -
That maybe *this* time, it'll be different.
The real self will not emerge...
Yes, I'm fooling myself,
But yet, I turn the key...
and POP!...
Unsuspecting, but in my darkest recesses,
I really did know.
But still, I run back for more
And so now, Jack strangles me -
Clawing at my chest, clenching at my heart
Yes, the wounds do heal with time
And the weasel will retreat back into his burrow...
But I, the hoping fool -
Will pick up the box, turn the handle
and listen to the frightening tune...
Again.
"Love is the ecstacy of heaven wrapped in the torment of hell." <20> Twilight
Lies, All Lies
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
When you were there for me and held me close
I thought you loved me
When you laughed heartily at my jokes
I thought you loved me
When you whispered sweet nothings into my ear
I thought you loved me
When you said that of course, you cared
I thought you loved me.
When you opened up and poured out your soul
I thought you loved me
When you picked up the guitar and played me a song
I thought you loved me
When you cried, "Don't you go leaving me"
I thought you loved me
When you said that you could not make it alone
I thought you loved me.
But now I know the truth -
All the lies, promises in vain
All the heartache, and all the games...
The sweet smile of satisfaction on your lips
As you cause me pain.
I thought you loved me
And I was wrong.
Love Goes Boom
<EFBFBD> Homer the Brave
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
[After dialing, he sat patiently, waiting for her to answer the phone].
Hi. Judy. It's me.
Yeah. [laughs] It HAS been a while!
Oh, I'm doing OK. I've been real flaky for the past few days. In fact,
that's why I called... I think I'm in love!
No, nothing like that! [laughs] She's amazing! I just can't stop
thinking about her. She's constantly on my mind. Uh, can I get your
opinion on something, you know, from a woman's point of view?
Well, we met on Wednesday. Yeah, just a few days ago. Anyway, I'll never
forget how we met. I was just driving along and there she was! I looked
up from the tape deck and I saw her amazing body fly over the hood of
the car. And then I saw her pretty face hit the windshield. I knew
instantly that I was in love.
Yeah, you'd think that, but I really think she loves me, too. I just
wish her jaw weren't wired shut, so that she'd be able to tell me. As it
is, she can only grunt. I visited her in the hospital and took her
flowers and told her how much I love her. She was overcome. She has this
laptop computer that she uses to communicate. She tried to type back to
me, but she was so moved that she couldn't type right. She threw the
computer at the wall in desperation, and it almost hit me!
Well, her family was there, and I think they're jealous of our love.
They had me kicked out of the hospital. I don't like to think this about
her family, but I think it's some kind of insurance rip-off. Some kind of
scam they're pulling. I mean, why else would they keep two lovers apart?
Yeah, well, I still think she's the most amazing thing to happen to my
life.
Oh? You met a man?
He fell at your feet?
From the thirteenth floor?
Wow. That's true love.
"It makes no difference what kind of humor you indulge in, whether you revel
in the coarsest puns or dwell on nihilistic black humor. As long as you
engage in this type of activity you keep your mind working, sharp, nimble.
The exercise irrigates your cortical cells with happy thoughts. It is a
prevention against depression, a truly therapeutic agent of positive
self-healing." <20> Michel Monnot
Lust
<EFBFBD> G. Mahan, aka Kinky Kiss
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
From across the room, I watch
As you bring your drink to your lips
You don't know me
But, God, I wish you did
I imagine how your skin feels
Soft, smooth, perfect
As you lick the moisture from your mouth
I feel my loins stiffen in response
My hands itch to caress your naked body
My mouth burns to be pressed upon yours
I can taste you on my tongue
I can smell your heat
Imagining your touch
Sends trails of fire across my flesh
I can almost feel your breath on my neck
As you moan your desire
I don't know you, but to have you
Beneath me, subjugated, mine
I would give you anything you desired
My heart, my life, my soul
Our bodies intertwined
Sweat running down my back
As I thrust into you
Grunting in animalistic passion
One night
One dream
One desire
You.
"Sex is overrated; making love isn't." <20> Twilight
Mass Production
<EFBFBD> Silent Scream
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
we take the quality.
poems, not machines.
not on an assembly line.
not waiting for another...
...maybe i should be exercising my artistic talent.
maybe i should be famous.
look at this.
i promise i'll be modest.
i'll hook up the old brain
and i'll have them jetting outward.
poems, quality...
not things to be mass produced.
born by circumstance's state
birth or stillborn
stillborn idea
birth of "poem".
birth of idea
stillborn of interference
birth...
...not of text on a page
nor words on a screen
...borne of true spirit.
pure emotion, existing on two and four...
locked behind cold words
until the imagination warms them again.
locked behind words until
the mind opens their great doors
and is enlightened.
perhaps to the point of tears.
poems.
feelings.
you can not mass produce a feeling.
especially one you have not felt.
"Life is poetry in motion." <20> Warrant
Metamorphosis
<EFBFBD> J.D.
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Past the memory of yesterday and
The uncertainty of tomorrow
I see life for the first time
From the other side of sorrow.
I leave behind the images
Of all forgotten faces
And lose the grief my heart has hidden
In secret, buried places
To give the stranger I call myself
The years I need to grow
And search my soul for answers
I've never come to know
Beneath the veil of illusion
That for years has dimmed my sight
I rise in arrogance to test
My wings in their new flight
And bid them carry me far
From the anguish of my past years
When I could not find myself
At the bottom of my tears
The mask that good intent would mold
I have flung aside and shattered
To strip my soul of trivial things
That never should have mattered
I have robbed cruelty of its power
Stripped memory of its pain, and
Returned from the other side of sorrow
To find myself again.
"Nineties' man: a man who acts more like a woman is supposed to.
Nineties' woman: a woman who acts more like a man is supposed to."
<20> Twilight
Midnight Sky
<EFBFBD> Happy Phantom
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Under the stars of a midnight sky
I watched you play with that look in your eyes
You were so far away and so easy to touch
And as your fingers strummed the strings
I knew you had the touch
It drew me away to a far away place
It made my heart break. It made my pulse race
In that moment I felt so alive
And so real again
Inside I cried.
Your music brings me back
From a world of shattered dreams
Where my soul was trapped by memory
Where nothing was as it seems
Your music sets me free
And fills my heart with light
I could have stayed forever
Under that starlit night
Never stop playin'
Don't try to hide your soul
Its beauty showed me how to live
When I thought my life was gone
Like a single precious rose
In spring ends winter's sleep
You've gone too far. You can't stop now
Your music goes too deep.
Your music sets me free
And fills my heart with light
I would have stayed forever.
I could have stayed forever.
I wanted to stay forever
Under that starlit night.
"Music has charms to soothe a savage beast, to soften rocks." <20> Congreve
More
<EFBFBD> Paladin Lord
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
There has been love (and more!)
That much I know...
This heart has been no barren place
It felt, it cried,
It has had blood to pour...
But now...
You ask of hate, of pain?
(And hope to hear of love...)
What heart can do that
When it beats no more?
Thre had been love,
That much I recall.
Perhaps I gave it all?
Perhaps there's more in store?
But though I try-
For you-
My heart can beat no more...
"The best fuck is an angry fuck." <20> Twilight
pool
<EFBFBD> C. Eric
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
black stool
grey pool
naked man stares ahead
white concrete
below his feet
'is anyone else sad' he says
silence surrounds
brain thumping sounds
naked man sits on the stool
trendy girls
trendy boys
naked man falls into the pool
the water is grey
the water is clear
the water is keeping the naked man here
"Big Brother is watching."
propagation of error
<EFBFBD> ac869@freenet.HSC.Colorado.EDU / zme
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
sandstone gargoyle
perched by a cathedral spire
winged three-toed monster
art medieval gothic
cracked during a catapult seige
restored improved by guildsmen
limestone gargoyle
hunkering by a cathedral's spire
winged four-toed monster
ravaged by acid rain
rebuilt meticulously
polished by men of craft not art
plastic gargoyle
hanging from a cathedral's spire
winged five-toed monster
copied by the craftiest of men
computer-enhanced mass produced
polyethylene gargoyles
with long white nylon hair
winged multi-toed monster
hanging by the rear-view mirror
of a totally rad edsel
"The only history worth a tinker's damn is the history we make today."
(loosely reported as "History is bunk.") <20> Henry Ford
Sanguine
<EFBFBD> Marcella G., aka Lolly-Pop/Kleeo
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Its hungry lips, burning a sanguine red, were starved for attention and
love.
Its crystal blue eyes, gleaming a steamy haze, prayed to the heavens
above.
The flames have engulfed her.
The gleam has taken her sight.
He was never compassionate enough to admit she was right.
Now is the time to pack up, and now is the time to move on.
But, he has no idea this rare creature is gone.
Its wavy auburn hair, framing a halo around its face, illuminated it to
an angelic degree.
Its smooth olive skin, emitting a wondrous lucidity, shimmered upon the
placid sea.
The frame has encaged her.
The ocean her grave.
He never reached out a hand -
her life he could have saved.
He should keep moving forward and understand the fact...
She will never forgive him...
And she is isn't coming back.
Siren
<EFBFBD> Sin
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Siren
i heard you singing in the rain
they said don't listen
but their warnings were in vain
Siren
i turned about
and sailed to hear your words again
Siren
how'd you ever learn to make
that sweet angelic sound
Siren
i never knew my brittle heart would break
when the storm drove me aground
Siren
i never learned how to swim
but i always thought i'd just know how
someday
i've got to make it thru these rocky shoals
but how...
and how come you seem
so distant and far away
and how...
how come there's this sinking feeling in my soul?
Siren
there's so much that i can see in you
there's so much that i believe in you
but Siren
how come everything about us drags me down
how come i feel so heavy in my heart
Siren
i don't want to drown
but Siren
how come we're drifting so far apart?
Siren
i'm lost in this surging sea of pain
Siren
never thought that we would end this way
Siren
i can't see
why can't i see you anymore
there's
oh, Siren
there's too much falling rain.
Siren
why do i feel so choked up and alone
Siren
there's just your voice now
leading me on and on
Siren
with my final breath
Siren
even unto death
Siren
i hear the water rushing thru my veins
oh, Siren
would you sing your song of love
just one last time for me again?
Suicide Blonde
<EFBFBD> Angel Alice
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
I knew you better than I thought I did.
Not your name, but your game.
I knew your race, I knew your face.
You're not just another statistic.
Not another accident...
Not another political incorrectness.
Suicide blonde, I knew you better than I thought.
I saw you every day, on the corner of fifth and main.
Smoking your cigarettes, drunk by sex.
I never talked to you, I never said a word.
I passed you by, and you looked away.
I knew you even then, but I didn't say a word.
I thought you were filth, but I was wrong.
Maybe you did wear too much lipstick,
And maybe you did smoke more than enough.
but now you're gone for good.
I miss you, even those leather boots with spiked heels,
And blue eyes with black lashes.
I wish you were alive, even if you were never quite sober;
Even if you always looked like you had just been crying.
Even with your bleached blonde hair.
Suicide blonde, you made a choice.
The wrong one, and now I have to live with it.
Because now, you see, I'm just like you.
Now I know you.
Not your name, but your game.
I'm trapped, like you were, with only one way out.
Now I'm a suicide blonde, too.
Suicide is Painless
<EFBFBD> Words: Mike Altman
<EFBFBD> Music: Johnny Mandel
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see that
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
All our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate
But now I know that it's too late, and
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
And this is all I have to say, that
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
And to another give a seat
For that's the only painless feat, 'cause
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger - watch it grin
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be?
And I replied, "Oh why ask me?", 'cause
Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
And you can do the same thing if you please.
"It's hard to say when one generation ends and the next begins - but it's
somewhere around 9 or 10 at night." <20> Charles Ruffing
( ...Generation X'ers?! (rolling eyes) )
The Dead God
<EFBFBD> Joshua Smith, aka The Dead God
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Once his chapels gleamed with light
Once his churches crawled with life
Once He gave the starving bread
Once his hands could raise the dead
Once He spoke of what was right
Once He gave the darkness light
Once He drowned the fires of Hell
Once He stumbled ...and then He fell
Heaven is a ghosttown
And all the Gods are dead
Valhalla had diminished
When the last of our heroes fled
The Devil is out doing
All the things he knows he should
Civilization's dying
Things are looking pretty good
Now the world's decaying
And you know he won't come back
Yet I see that you're still praying
In his ornamental shack
Read his crumbling parchments
And do his dying will
But his deafened ears can't hear you pray,
His ice-cold hands can't feel
His books will do you no good now
The Light is all but gone
And I'd really like to help you
But I'll kill you later on
The Hope you think you're feeling
Is nothing but a dream
You'll find your situation's not
As bright as it may seem
"Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the
beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred three-
score and six." <20> REV 13:18
'Til Death Do Us Part
<EFBFBD> SunStryke
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
"...'Til Death do us part..."
We said together.
The words are spoken with conviction.
The words are spoken with delight...
If not choked by a few tears.
She is resolute.
But do I really mean what I have said?
Eternity?
Forever?
Can I keep my word?
There are so many things that can happen...
It's too hard to comprehend.
But I love her.
I truly love her.
Nothing can happen between us.
Nothing...
Nothing?
All the different what if's flood my mind.
What if she is untrue?
What if _I'm_ untrue?
What if.
I can't think about it.
I can't let myself doubt.
Doubt her.
Doubt myself.
We have been through think and thin
Together.
We will be happy
Together.
We will laugh
Together.
We will cry
Together.
And we will die
Together.
Die?!
I can't imagine it.
Can't imagine living as long as I will.
With her.
I love her.
I can live with her.
I will NOT doubt her of myself.
We are young.
Only twenty.
But how long will we live?
Sixty?
Seventy?
Eighty?!
I will have lived this life three times more
With her.
Yes.
With her.
I love her.
Life will be good
With her.
Love will be good
With her.
Death will be kind
With her.
I can see
A long life ahead.
I also see a joyous one.
One of love,
Care,
Passion,
Strife,
Good,
Bad,
Thick,
Thin,
And joy.
Yes.
I will love her.
I will be the best husband I can.
I will be
'Til Death do us part.
To Be or Not to Be
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
I have endured the stages -
From the frequent soliloquy of anguish
to the sparse acts of joyous jubilee.
The mental torment... (the cerebral onslaught)
Finally...slain before the break.
An awkward bow as the crowd applauses...
The curtain falls - uncertain.
The critics jeer and poke and scrutinize
Insecurity thickly rolls ashore
A huddled mass, naked and unarmed
Struggling, shielding, hiding...
from the stabs and shocks of pain.
I silently weep to unlistening ears
I cry, alone...to myself.
Rebirth! I have been reborn!
Never have I felt a warmer sun
As his glowing arms embrace me...
But only in my box of inclusion
do I exist in insulation -
For ahead of me he does not shine
The forward path remains...unlit.
Stumbling over rocks in the way,
Abrasions don't seem to heal well
I lie motionless as life escapes me -
A helpless hemophiliac...in constant misery.
'Sadness was always there, my friend -
One cannot fool himself
Nothing here is everlasting -
not love, not life, nor healing skin'...
The only light that aids me now -
is but a ray peeking through closed doors
into an estranged, dark cellar.
And as I sit wallowing in my mildew,
Oh, is it damp...and dank...
This phoenix has engulfed itself
in the same fiery womb of its birth
An inaudible shriek - a silent scream
as the flames die down,
and twilight soothingly coats the sky...
An empty soul...wandering aimlessly -
Unguided, perhaps misled.
Left to find my own way among the seashells
Sucking in my breath, holding in my cries
as I step on broken glass -
ungratefully left in careless apathy
I thought I'd never care -
I couldn't have been more wrong.
'We never quite appreciate
how much the other cares or tries'...
And as I sit and ponder, sidetracked
Alongside this lightless path
No longer in my own Thermos do I serve
as the shivers sneak into my rigid spine
So, now, I wonder what I'd welcome more
in this chaos of emotion and perception -
The heavenly chime of bells...
Or the solemn wail of the melancholy trumpet.
"All art, like all love, is rooted in heartache." <20> A. Stieglitz
Two, Not One
<EFBFBD> Twilight
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Ripped raw from the womb
I watched you being carried off
Cold, blue and unfeeling
Drained your life away
Two for the price of one.
Separated by hearts
Left bleeding and hurt
By your own choice
Never to return
Wouldn't let me say goodbye.
My screams were not heard
No flinch, no head turned my way
But you continued on in your red haze
Thinking only of your mission
And not and nothing of me.
Blinded in oblivion
Shoving all and everything out
Stubborn, uncaring, and unyielding
With this newly-found strength (...of cowardice)
Even punching me.
Escaping,... fleeing
Forgetting to take me along
You thought all the pain would end
But I'm the one who lives.
You have killed me.
"The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. The worst crime is faking
it." <20> Kurt Cobain
"No, the worst crime is leaving." <20> Courtney Love
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Angst
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
love
hate
luck
fate.
courage
fear
smile
sneer.
black
white
talk
fight.
care
ignore
less
more.
yes
no
friend
foe.
land
sea
you
me.
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Armand
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
In a bit, I will be comsumed with hatred.
As for now, I am in love.
Funny it may seem to you.
But that's what you've done.
Cool to warm to hot to cold.
That's how quick the emotions fly.
The reactions you provoke,
But you never see.
Because I have a happy mask.
I can hide behind it.
You'll never know.
No one ever knows.
It hides the hurt, the pain, and the love.
Picturesque in its simplicity,
It is almost too fake to believe.
Yet, real enough to deceive.
Nonchalance it what it shows.
Happiness is all you see.
The friend, the fiend, it will always be.
For they are one in the same.
You may only see the caring side.
But the other is there.
Awaiting its unveiling.
To lash out with all the pain.
But, do not dwell on the hurt.
A friend is what you are looking for.
A friend is what you will get.
On goes the mask once again.
"I've been averse to military fashions on civilians. Flight jackets ought to
be earned. Imagine standing in an elevator wearing one with a 388th Fighter
Wing insignia and the door opening and someone who'd actually BEEN with the
388th getting on." <20> Christopher Buckley
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Blackstar
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
there was an old man from st. helens
afflicted with shrinkins and swellins
his dick was so small
it wasn't there at all
but his balls were like honeydew melons
( ...a little comic relief...(: )
"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you."
<20> "Jack Handey," from "Deep Thoughts"
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Blue Powder
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
I wish you would run away with me
We would be forever free
Two hearts as one
Together following the sun
I could show the things
That are in your dreams
And you would never be alone
Just you and me
Following the sun
Never stopping
Never finding our way back
Just following the sun
A neverending dream
Like off a movie screen
We would have our piece of mind
And our dreams to find
Together following the sun
No time frame
Living by the moment
Together as one
One creation
And one flame
Together following the sun
"To be human is to dream. Pipe dreams, daydreams of perfect love or a
brilliant career - we all pay rent on castles in the air. But sometimes
there's a dream that doesn't fade, an impossible dream that just might come
true with the right breaks and a lot of hard work. Those are the dreams we'd
be fools to give up on." <20> Jo Coudert
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Capt. Spastic
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
When soft summer wind touched your cheek,
Please think of me.
When the water and the sand on the beach
Come up between your toes and you feel as
One with them,
Please think of me.
When on a moonlight night, the shadows fall
Over you like my lovings arms long too,
Please think of me.
When you feel the warmth inside you
That you always brought me,
Please think of me.
When you reach out and touch the stars,
and remember that you were my every dream,
Please think of me.
Even when you hear the callous words
Of a heartless time, know that I still
Loved you and...
Please think of me.
And if the final sleep were to ever
Take me from you,
Please DON'T think of me.
For I love you too much,
To ever want you to die with me.
But for a thousand eternites,
I'll always remember you.
"Each suicide affects at least six other people."
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Homer the Brave
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Cement and rubble, smoke, barbed wire, pools of blood growing under limp,
dead, wounded human soldier bodies. Smell of burned flesh, of smoke, of
death, of drying blood, of... pollen.
A field of green grass, blue sky, a breeze that could hold a kite in the air.
A kid, a child, gently guiding that kite in the air. He's 7. He has
beautiful blond hair that the wind pushes into his eyes. It's fall. Pollen
count is up.
Mom and dad sneeze, wear coats. They notice how late it's getting, and call to
the young child, who resists. 'If you don't come now, we'll leave without
you,' they threaten. 'Very well. Go ahead.' is the reply.
A seven year-old girl is running across the war-torn street. She has long,
beautiful black hair and is wearing a flowered dress, which the smoky wind
flaps and wrinkles. She skips, she sings a little song to herself, soldiers'
wounds heal as she passes by, skipping, singing a little song to herself.
Through gunfire, an eight year-old boy in a blue sweater walks toward a man
with a rifle, walking slowly, deliberately, knowing he can't be seen. No
bullet touches him. He does not choke on tear gas. He lightly touches the
man's rifle, and it runs out of ammunition.
A field of green grass, red sunset sky, a breeze that could hold a kite in the
air. A breeze which grows stronger as night falls. The kite is pulled ever
higher by the mounting wind. The boy with beautiful blond hair runs out of
twine so he pretends, and that is enough. Higher goes the kite.
A red-headed boy, eight years old, hops up onto a pile of sandbags, merrily,
easily. He looks down at a scared and inexperienced young soldier who is
frozen in fear. He hops down into the foxhole, gently pulls the rifle barrel
out of the soldier's mouth, and skips away happily, into the fog.
A six year-old girl. The most beautiful the boy has ever pretended, with long
flowing hair and frosted features. A white gown which floats, which glides,
which shimmers. She floats through the sky, above the smoke and flak.
Movement above the battlefield, a shimmering movement. The moon is rising.
Fighting can stop for the night.
A field of green grass, indigo nighttime, no wind. A kite, high in the sky.
A boy, pretending.
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Jello Biafra
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
i set myself constant rain
up at a window and quiet thunder
watch the rain beating on my head
try to let it never to see the sun
wash away my pain
welcome to my hell
but it only brings back where it always rains...
the memories
memories
of a better day
it rained on the day
when you took it all away
the rain stopped in the sky
but i can still feel it
beating on my head
welcome to my world
where it always rains
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Leah
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
I walk along this path
Into this clearing
These woods...
Of you and I
This place we shared
Alone...
This place of peace and solace
This place
Of you and I
This place we danced
Under the moonlight
That bathed us in its radiance
Where the sun chased us to shelter
And the night was ours, my darling...
The nights were ours
You and I
I remember this place
I look upon it now
In fond memory
Of you and I
This place...
This beautiful place
That is all I have left
Of you and I
This place where need and want and desire
were filled
And trivial problems were washed away
By the beautiful night
That belonged to only
You and I
Where we danced
And sang
And wept
To the glorious intertwining
Of you and I
Now you have left me
For something better perhaps
And I need to see you
I need to touch you
I need to be with you
One more time
...But all I have left is this
This place
This wonderful, beautiful night sky
Where I can let go once again
And be free once more
With you
Forever
In this place we shared
...Of you and I.
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Leah
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
"I have been to hell
And it is cold
Very cold..."
Maybe....<shrug>
But we create out own hell.......
And I wallow in mine
Mine is dark, and dank
And in it my heart is made of glass,
of ice,
of steel
And I sit alone waiting
Waiting for you to come
To wisk me from my stage
My hell
To melt my heart of glass,
of ice
of steel.
To take me again
To stand before me like an angel
Just like an angel you were
Standing taunt, outstretching your arms to me
Engulfing me, willingly, in your arms...
And you led me up....
up so high...
On your golden wings
That would fail and send us falling to the ground if I did not have
total faith in you
But I did....I always did...
And I still do
You brought me high beyond my dreams
Far past the beautiful clouds
Past the darkness and the cold unfeeling world that I had made
for myself
Beyond my hell we rose
Far behind we left it
But as we ascended upward,
I glanced down, feeling the pain as I stared down at that
gruesome thing
that I had become
And in my pain, you faltered
and we fell...
Oh so fast we fell
Until you whispered in my ear and my soul was uplifted again
and we rose once again...
With great speed we flew into that embracing light...
"I saw eternity last night
A great ring of pure and endless light"
Yes, that light englufed me in its arms
Making nothing matter but the light....your light
So that in my moment of pure joy I could not tell the difference
between
your arms and the light
I did not want to...
Did not need to
All I wanted was for you to hold me in that light....With that light...
And I was happier then ever before...
So now I sit waiting
In this room with no walls that locks me in it's cold, dark embrace
Longing for that light....
your light...
That you shared with me
That I will never forget
Please...hold me in that light forever........
"Life is so solitary... living in a sea of plastic dummies bobbing in the
surf." <20> Twilight
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Matthew and Gunnar Nelson
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
The history of our vital and endangered earth is characterized by the music of
the times. Likewise, music is the cornerstone of all future life. Music is
not a product of the age in which we live, but the opposite; the age is a
product of its music - and it has been so throughout all time. Music is to
the soul what breath is to the body. It is the fundamental ingredient of
dreams, of inspirations, yes - of live evolving. Music has little to do with
logic; people don't listen to music just because they are logical. Music has
everything to do with live and living. Music is universally inspiring - a
common language that transcends all boundaries of culture or country, of race
or religion, of sex or station. So, it stands to reason that music will be
the primary force to guide us into a new consciousness - a new age. If the
coming years are to bring a safer world - a more prosperous lifestyle - a
restoration of all that we have destroyed - it will be orchestrated by a new
music. Therefore, since music forms the times in which we live...and music is
power...perhaps we should start channeling that power responsibly and
positively - to heal rather than harm - to bring a little joy and light into
the world one song to one person at a time...
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Shadou
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Roses are red
violets are blue
so are bruises
blue black
battered and tattered
shattered and scattered
across the seas of
distress
like ashes
disperse depart
cease and desist
you lay there
withered and torn
your love crying forlorn
whining
helpless selfless soul
searching for salvation
your love for me
hidden behind bruises
bashed in
and cashed out
black blue blemishes
block the way
secrets remain secret
sublime subtle signs
of scars never healed
and stains on the memory
another bad quote
i wrote
one day
after reading your note
postmarked meteirie, LA
you seem forever further away
and minute by minute
as i read your lines
i feel false pains
sympathy echoing empathy
real pain
for you
the things he did
things i never knew
blue black
bruises
and all the flowers
in all the world
will never make
the hurting stop
"You can't really know a person unless he tells you how he grew up."
<20> Stephen Lush, aka Fusion
Untitled
<EFBFBD> Silent Scream
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
...when I see the girl I "liked"... A girl who
"liked" me in turn... after a long time of not seeing her...
It hits me... Maybe because I haven't seen her in such a long time
And it's been a long time since I
have talked to her... Just how truly beautiful she looks up there...
And all the memories start coming back...
Memories of her and of another... Memories of one intensified by
memories of the other...
and the damnable place.
But I see her with another guy...
I mean, it should have happened by now...
I curse myself for being such a coward when I had the chance...
The chance to say I cared...
The chance to say we had a lot in common...
The chance to say... simply... "I love you"
And I find my eyes watering rapidly
And have to walk away
To avoid being seen by one of my friends, whose presence she acknowledged;
His presence. His, with a smile and an ejaculation of, "Crusty!"
But not mine...
Perhaps that splitsecondglance
Was intended for me, to give my existence meaning
Because I've committed some crime...
It may be that she felt the same way I did
and, "Look at me now, look at where I am, it's all because of _you_."
And the memories come back in a flood of falling tears
good memories. Memories of us together. Of us talking. Of a
person approaching her, of her response:
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME."
Of her smile
O, but even then she was beautiful.
<and you loved her>
<you did, you fool>
tears which I must dry, quickly, lest my friend see them...
But I hide not from my friend my melancholy mood...
Hoping he'll see what exactly is going on...
And the day is made more miserable... As the memories start again and try
to take control of me as I try to stop the tears from slowly escaping.
And when I am asked if I enjoyed myself
That day, I must lie
(and tell the truth at the same time, for I was content in my misery)
And say "yes" and that I'd like to go again...
Although the place itself is dedicated to
how was it
letting go of your cares?
I will go again.
I must bask in the horror of good memories turned bad...
And entertain ideas that it will someday be made right. Perhaps I will
receive a phone call... Yes, that would be nice
A phone call from her...
(I know what I would say! "Who is he?
i love you")
and more
But I know that can't be, for what reason does she have to be calling me
so I listen to depressing songs
Thinking of playing them to an audience, saying why these songs are so
important
to me
And explaining why, in the middle of performing this song, I broke down
And the tears began again
As the memories returned.
I think of going back there - maybe she will return... but why would she
Why should she
She has been there already.
So I will go there
Again.
I will return
In the glory of horrors, of a pitiful person's pitiful actions
As I muse
love lost, love never had, love never met
And how wonderful it could have truly been...
How wonderful it should have truly been...
How wonderful...
How wonderful...it may still be.
But with whom?
With her. With her...
There are brighter, more brightly shining stars in the sky
I saw them
I thought nothing of them... of she...
And discarded her before she was mine...
Before I was hers
"Love is a joke. Women are proof that God has a sick, twisted sense of
humor." <20> Flier
Vampyre
<EFBFBD> Shadou
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
decrepid house, decaying if not defiant
falling fence, gardens growing over
clapboards clapping as the wind whips
the witching hour approaches
new moon out,
and only stars to light the sky
a million points of bright pierce the dark of night
like a voyeur you creep closer
and closer still over the window sill
and enter brilliance
the light of a thousand candles
pin pricks of luminescence illuminate the room
flames flare white, orange, fade to red
as fire wavers in the breeze
a bed in the corner
soft and warm, inviting
sinking your head into the pillow
sinking into sleep
sleeping off your day
dreaming of a woman
she comes in the night
you wake, but just barely
appearing angelic
flowing capes of white gauze transparent
and you see her perfect body beneath
soft and warm, inviting
her lips like red red wine
her smile generous
tangible, tantalizing
your body tingles as you reach out
for shelter in her arms
those burgundy lips part
as she gasps when you touch
electric pleasure of pleasures
she grazes your cheek with a touch of those lips
a nibble on your ear, and the sinks lower still
another kiss on your neck, a vampire kiss
and she feeds as you bleed
sucking your blood as you fall in love
like in a dream unreal
early morning you awake
groggy, alone
light from the sun seeps in
over the window sill and closer still
glorious golden light, you reach out to touch
and pain fills you with remembrances
of the love you shared, and the vampire kiss
you scream and bolt through the door, floorboards creak as you
run through the house, into room after room, and there it is...
the velvet lined black box, soft and warm, inviting
<20><>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20><>
<20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20>
<20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20>
<20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
<20> <20> <20><> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><> <20><>
<20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
<20>
<20>
<20>
<20>
Legalize.
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
Submit your original literary works for Spilled Ink, [volume two], to
Twilight.
Actual Reality: (512) 873-1900 (to Green Hell)
After Ours: (512) 320-1650 (to Twilight)
Ice Castle: (713) 722-5400 (to Twilight)
Liberty: (800) 474-1818 (to Alaskan Twilight)
telnet liberty.com
Or by Internet e-mail:
twilight@mail.utexas.edu
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>