textfiles/magazines/PUD/pud_1_11.txt

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2021-04-15 11:31:59 -07:00
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<EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> Issue Number 11, Volume 1, Chapter 1, Epic 1 <20>
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> Released on the date: Feb. 23, 1993. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> PUD serving the modem public since Febuary 22, 1993! <20>
<EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> For help and actual info, look elsewhere. <20>
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<EFBFBD>۲<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>۲<EFBFBD><DBB2>
۲<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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۱<EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
۱<EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD>
۰<EFBFBD> "Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg..." <20> <20>
۰ -Led Zepplin <20>
۰ <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> <20> Mail <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> Fuck it. I am sick of including this section, besides there is <20>
<EFBFBD> no mail yet. Woopidty. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> <20> The Anatomy of a Krystal. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> The krystal is by far the strangest life form on this planet. <20>
<EFBFBD> Known to most people, the krystal, called sliders in the wild, are <20>
<EFBFBD> the most ferocious and vile mammals to roam the sewers of Beverly <20>
<EFBFBD> Hills (90210). They are also quite common in the heights section <20>
<EFBFBD> of melrose place and by 1996 they are expected to graduate into <20>
<EFBFBD> the most dominant species in all of lower Florida. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> Cut-Away of a Krystal Cut-Away of a Slider <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN <20>
<EFBFBD> bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb <20>
<EFBFBD> ooooooooooooooooo -ONION mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL <20>
<EFBFBD> mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm -CANDY SHELL MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS <20>
<EFBFBD> MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM -BRAINS oooooooooooooooooo -ONION <20>
<EFBFBD> bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb <20>
<EFBFBD> bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb -BUN <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> Note the extreme genetic differences in the two species. The <20>
<EFBFBD> more docile Krystal has the chewy chocalety candy shell on top of <20>
<EFBFBD> it's brains. Where as the much more aggresive Slider has the chewy <20>
<EFBFBD> chocalety shell on top of it's brains. Notice, by the extreme <20>
<EFBFBD> detail of the cut-away's the differences in the sex organs in the <20>
<EFBFBD> two species. See how much more enlarged the ovaries of the Slider <20>
<EFBFBD> are than that of the Krystal. Legend has it that on the third <20>
<EFBFBD> saturday of every month Sliders for some unknown reason take to <20>
<EFBFBD> commiting mass genocide by rudely casting themselves at country <20>
<EFBFBD> tour buses full of fat women. Note that this is strangly like that <20>
<EFBFBD> H0T nEw WaReZ in huntsvegas, Pc Lemmings. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> <20> How to steal a toaster. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> By: The BRaVE LItTlE TOaStER <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> Theft of toasters can be a very worth while and profitable <20>
<EFBFBD> occupation. But be forewarned toaster theft is extremely <20>
<EFBFBD> dangerous, what with large of rash of mysterious taster thief <20>
<EFBFBD> slayings. These slayings are rumored to be by a one fReD tHe <20>
<EFBFBD> tOaStEr iS mInE SmItH. He is currently on the SPA top ten hit <20>
<EFBFBD> list and is wanted for questioning in 62 states. Anyway I digress <20>
<EFBFBD> let me get back to the TFiLE. To begin with you must make sure <20>
<EFBFBD> have a valid and great plan. The planning stage is by far the most <20>
<EFBFBD> important part of the whole process. <20>
<EFBFBD> Part 1, the plan. Making you plan is the key to your toaster <20>
<EFBFBD> thievary success. Make sure you have a place to steal a toaster <20>
<EFBFBD> from. Next make sure you have a get-away vehicle, a 747 would be <20>
<EFBFBD> suitable. Last make sure you have plent of weapons, machine guns <20>
<EFBFBD> are not suitable for toaster thievary, but various anti-aircraft <20>
<EFBFBD> weapons will be. <20>
<EFBFBD> Part 2, the Execution. Now here is where you kill all your <20>
<EFBFBD> accomplises. <20>
<EFBFBD> Part 3, Stealing the Toaster. To steal the toaster simply walk <20>
<EFBFBD> in, carefully concealing your anti-aircraft weaponry under your <20>
<EFBFBD> arm. If anyone notices, kill them instantly, but quitely. The key <20>
<EFBFBD> to stealing a good toaster is avoiding ones with flowerdy prints, <20>
<EFBFBD> as they are usually cheap and just don't cook your toast right. <20>
<EFBFBD> Hide the toaster in the crotch of your pants and walk out the <20>
<EFBFBD> store. <20>
<EFBFBD> Part 4, The get away. The second you leave the store you must <20>
<EFBFBD> quickly turn and destroy it, cover your tracks! Next take any <20>
<EFBFBD> suitable vehicle in the parking lot and head for your plane. Be <20>
<EFBFBD> sure to destroy all oncoming traffic as you near the airport, no <20>
<EFBFBD> use in leaving any witnesses alive. When at the airport pick 3 or <20>
<EFBFBD> 4 attractive stewardesses and maim them seriously. Why? Just for <20>
<EFBFBD> fun of it. Now board your plane and fly away. The end. <20>
<EFBFBD> Look for more articles on toaster professions from me, soon. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> <20> Closing. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> Did I mention, you still fucking suck. <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> <20> Mail! <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
<EFBFBD> Keep your sorry-attempts at mail coming! <20>
<EFBFBD> Baphomet the Limbo King WWIVNET 2506@14 <20>
<EFBFBD> NO COURiER WWIVNET 2506@36 <20>
<EFBFBD> <20>
۰ <20><>
۰ <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD>
۱<EFBFBD> <20><> <20><> <20> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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<EFBFBD> End of PUD 1:11, "...and shake it all about..." <20>
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