530 lines
26 KiB
Plaintext
530 lines
26 KiB
Plaintext
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Q & A form jokes
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Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
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A: A good start!
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Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
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A: His lips are moving.
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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer
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in the road?
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A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
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A: Professional courtesy.
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Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
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A: Not enough sand.
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Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
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A: Cut the rope.
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Q: Do you know how to save a drowning laywer?
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A1: Take your foot off his head.
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A2: No.
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Good!
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
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A: The bucket.
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Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
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A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
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A: There was an empty seat.
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Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
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A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
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A: An offer you can't understand
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Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
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A. From chasing parked ambulances.
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Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
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A. In the cemetary
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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
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A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
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A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
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A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
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A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
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A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
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A: It might be your bicycle.
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----
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Longer jokes.
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A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
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The housewife replies: "Four!".
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The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run
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those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
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The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed
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voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
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-----
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A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner.
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He sees a sign remarking on the quality of proffesional brain
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offerred at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
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"How much for Engineer brain?"
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"3 dollars an ounce."
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"How much for <other generic proffesion> brain?"
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"4 dollars an ounce."
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"How much for lawyer brain?"
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"100 dollars an ounce."
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"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
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"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
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-----
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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a
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living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
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Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
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"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
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Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
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"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
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Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a
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whorehouse."
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The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
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Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father
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answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded
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an explanation.
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Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a
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thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
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-----
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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were
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thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise,
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St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where
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the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assis-
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tants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the
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line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't
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mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
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St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed
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your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
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----
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A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub-
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scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury
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was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice,
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"Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20
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more of them."
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-----
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A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred
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it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the
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thief go first, and the executioner follow."
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-----
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"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he
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had solved her legal troubles.
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"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented
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money there has been only one answer to that question."
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Longer jokes (cont.)
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The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates.
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After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective
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professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly
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station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides
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to show them to their new lodgings. Only a brief flight from the welcome,
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Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a
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huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, Pete
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announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until
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the end of time..) "Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting
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a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!". They take flight
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once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear
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more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with
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Brownstone houses. Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the
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Popes new domicile and turns to leave, wishing the pontiff his best.
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The Pope, in a mild state of astonishment, cries out "Hey Pete! What's the
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deal here? You put that lawyer-feller in a beautiful estate home and I,
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spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive?"
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Pete looks at the pontiff amusedly and replys: "Look here old fellow,
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this street is practically encrusted with spiritual leaders from many
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times and religions. We're putting you here with them so you guys can
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get your dogma together. That other guy gets an estate, because
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he's the first (non-)damned lawyer to make it up here!!"
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-----
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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long
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trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back
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to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
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"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrent for that
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dirty lawyer of mine."
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"Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you
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want to have him arrested for ?"
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"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay
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his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."
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-----
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"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man
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of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
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"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
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-----
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A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the
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defendent, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the
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influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a
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jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the
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hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a
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dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
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The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed
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the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10
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minutes and it was very clear that the defendent was guilty. The jury
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went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home,
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and everyone waited.
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After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and
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sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the
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verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they
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got a verdict yet?"
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The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still
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doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
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------
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Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?",
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someone asked. "Not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
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Longer jokes (cont.)
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A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's
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grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the
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little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same
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grave?"
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"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
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"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
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-----
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The defendent who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at
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least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
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----
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These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to
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cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says
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"Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
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Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon
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descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't
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tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry
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yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And
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the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet
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up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must
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be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says
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"Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally
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useless".
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That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still
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worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink,
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and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists
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Soaked by Lawyer".
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----
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For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief
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vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed
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an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an
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exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn,
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then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
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"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?"
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he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married,
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and the baby would have my name!"
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"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we
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sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better
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to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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-----
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God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences
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once and for all.
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When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think
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you're going to find a lawyer?"
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-----
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are
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walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a
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hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the
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other three are mythological creatures.
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Longer jokes (cont.)
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A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had
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made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he
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would like on it.
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"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.
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"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this
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state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave.
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However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer''."
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"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
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"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it
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and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
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-----
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The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were
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going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally,
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the American Bar Association was outraged, and filed suit, but the NIH
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presented some very good reasons for the switch.
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1) The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This
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emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted.
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No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
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2) Lawyers breed faster.
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3) Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't
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jump all over you no matter what you're studying.
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4) There are some things even a rat won't do.
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However, sometimes it very hard to exterpolate our test results
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to human beings.
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----
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A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to
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which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer
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would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to
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spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods
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section of Maine.
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On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with
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him. The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed.
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Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in
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the great outdoors.
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Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to
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pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry
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patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along
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came two huge Bears - a male and a female.
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Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His
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friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and
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swallowed him whole.
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The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and
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got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed
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back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
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Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
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"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of
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lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his
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friend.
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The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun,
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took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.
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"Whatdya do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
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"Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you
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that the Czech was in the Male?"
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Longer jokes (cont.)
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It had to happen sooner or later. Lawyer Dobbins was wheeled into the
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emergency room on a stretcher, rolling his head in agony. Doctor Green
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came over to see him.
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"Dobbins," he said, "What an honor. The last time I saw you was in
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court when you accused me of malpractice."
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"Doc. Doc. My side is on fire. The pain is right here. What could
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it be?"
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"How would I know? You told the jury I wasn't fit to be a doctor."
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"I was only kidding, Doc. When you represent a client you don't
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know what you're saying. Could I be passing a kidney stone?"
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"Your diagnosis is as good as mine."
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"What are you talking about?"
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"When you questioned me on the stand you indicated you knew
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|
|
everything there was to know about the practice of medicine."
|
|||
|
|
"Doc, I'm climbing the wall. Give me something."
|
|||
|
|
"Let's say I give you something for a kidney stone and it turns
|
|||
|
|
out to be a gallstone. Who is going to pay for my court costs?"
|
|||
|
|
"I'll sign a paper that I won't sue."
|
|||
|
|
"Can I read to you from the transcript of the trial? Lawyer
|
|||
|
|
Dobbins: 'Why were you so sure that my client had tennis elbow?' Dr.
|
|||
|
|
Green: 'I've treated hundreds of people with tennis elbow and I know it
|
|||
|
|
when I see it.' Dobbins: 'It never occured to you my client could have an
|
|||
|
|
Excedrin headache?'
|
|||
|
|
Green: 'No, there were no signs of an Excedrin headache.'
|
|||
|
|
Dobbins: 'You and your ilk make me sick.' "
|
|||
|
|
"Why are you reading that to me?"
|
|||
|
|
"Because, Dobbins, since the trial I've lost confidence in making
|
|||
|
|
a diagnosis. A lady cane in the other day limping ..."
|
|||
|
|
"Please, Doc, I don't want to hear it now. Give me some Demerol."
|
|||
|
|
"You said during the suit that I dispensed drugs like a drunken
|
|||
|
|
sailor. I've changed my ways, Dobbins. I don't prescribe drugs anymore."
|
|||
|
|
"Then get me another doctor."
|
|||
|
|
"There are no other doctors on duty. The reason I'm here is that
|
|||
|
|
after the malpractice suit the sheriff seized everything in my office.
|
|||
|
|
This is the only place that I can practice."
|
|||
|
|
"If you give me something to releive the pain I will personally
|
|||
|
|
appeal your case to a higher court."
|
|||
|
|
"You know, Dobbins, I was sure that you were a prime candidate for
|
|||
|
|
a kidney stone."
|
|||
|
|
"You can't tell a man is a candidate for a kidney stone just by
|
|||
|
|
looking at him."
|
|||
|
|
"That's what you think, Dobbins. You had so much acid in you when
|
|||
|
|
you addressed the jury I knew some of it eventually had to crystallize
|
|||
|
|
into stones. Remember on the third day day when you called me the 'Butcher
|
|||
|
|
of Operating Room 6'? That afternoon I said to my wife, "That man is going
|
|||
|
|
to be in a lot of pain.' "
|
|||
|
|
"Okay, Doc, you've had your ounce of flesh. Can I now have my
|
|||
|
|
ounce of Demerol?"
|
|||
|
|
"I better check you out first."
|
|||
|
|
"Don't check me out, just give the dope."
|
|||
|
|
"But in court the first question you asked me was if I had
|
|||
|
|
examined the patient completely. It would be negligent of me if I didn't
|
|||
|
|
do it now. Do you mind getting up on the scale?"
|
|||
|
|
"What for?"
|
|||
|
|
"To find out your height. I have to be prepared in case I get sued
|
|||
|
|
and the lawyer asks me if I knew how tall you were."
|
|||
|
|
"I'm not going to sue you."
|
|||
|
|
"You say that now. But how can I be sure you won't file a writ
|
|||
|
|
after you pass the kidney stone?"
|
|||
|
|
Longer jokes (cont.)
|
|||
|
|
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Russian takes a bootle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a
|
|||
|
|
glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world,
|
|||
|
|
nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in
|
|||
|
|
Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..."
|
|||
|
|
Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle thru it. All
|
|||
|
|
the others are quite impressed.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to
|
|||
|
|
smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas,
|
|||
|
|
nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much
|
|||
|
|
of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack
|
|||
|
|
of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the
|
|||
|
|
Lawyer through it...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
----
|
|||
|
|
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop
|
|||
|
|
and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog
|
|||
|
|
running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to
|
|||
|
|
demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers,
|
|||
|
|
"Absolutely."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 [attorneys
|
|||
|
|
don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the
|
|||
|
|
shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be
|
|||
|
|
unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the
|
|||
|
|
lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.
|
|||
|
|
----
|
|||
|
|
A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the
|
|||
|
|
country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and
|
|||
|
|
came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer
|
|||
|
|
explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to
|
|||
|
|
sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two
|
|||
|
|
have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a
|
|||
|
|
knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't
|
|||
|
|
sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion
|
|||
|
|
to sleep in the same room with a pig!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no
|
|||
|
|
religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later,
|
|||
|
|
the Hindu burst through the bedrrom door sayint "There's a COW
|
|||
|
|
in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against
|
|||
|
|
my religion!"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn,
|
|||
|
|
as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the
|
|||
|
|
cow entered...
|
|||
|
|
Longer jokes (cont.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
|
|||
|
|
A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
|
|||
|
|
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light
|
|||
|
|
bulb.
|
|||
|
|
A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're
|
|||
|
|
looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
|
|||
|
|
A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
|
|||
|
|
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
|
|||
|
|
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
|
|||
|
|
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
|
|||
|
|
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
|
|||
|
|
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the
|
|||
|
|
entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area,
|
|||
|
|
demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at
|
|||
|
|
the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by
|
|||
|
|
the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
|
|||
|
|
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited
|
|||
|
|
to, the following steps:
|
|||
|
|
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation
|
|||
|
|
at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of
|
|||
|
|
elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the
|
|||
|
|
party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this
|
|||
|
|
point being non-negotiable.
|
|||
|
|
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
|
|||
|
|
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party
|
|||
|
|
of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of
|
|||
|
|
the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state,
|
|||
|
|
local and federal statutes.
|
|||
|
|
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first
|
|||
|
|
part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of
|
|||
|
|
the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a
|
|||
|
|
manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of
|
|||
|
|
this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur
|
|||
|
|
in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
|
|||
|
|
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the
|
|||
|
|
party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the
|
|||
|
|
objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the
|
|||
|
|
fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
|
|||
|
|
---
|
|||
|
|
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could
|
|||
|
|
only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
|
|||
|
|
---
|
|||
|
|
BTW, 4 out of 5 doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted
|
|||
|
|
island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need ANY aspirin.
|
|||
|
|
WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS
|
|||
|
|
**********************************************************************
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1300.01 GENERAL
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may
|
|||
|
|
harvest attorneys.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The
|
|||
|
|
use of currency as bait is prohibited.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If
|
|||
|
|
accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to
|
|||
|
|
nearest car wash.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow
|
|||
|
|
machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free
|
|||
|
|
Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW
|
|||
|
|
dealerships.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills,
|
|||
|
|
prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of
|
|||
|
|
courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars,
|
|||
|
|
ambulances, or hospitals.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a
|
|||
|
|
felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department
|
|||
|
|
inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a
|
|||
|
|
reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident
|
|||
|
|
victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting
|
|||
|
|
attorneys.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
BAG LIMITS
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
|
|||
|
|
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 1
|
|||
|
|
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4
|
|||
|
|
4. Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only) 3
|
|||
|
|
5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
|
|||
|
|
6. Honest Attorney EXTINCT
|
|||
|
|
7. Cut-throat 2
|
|||
|
|
8. Back-stabbing Whiner 2
|
|||
|
|
9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
|
|||
|
|
10. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 BOUNTY
|
|||
|
|
11. Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian 7
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Look, I'm tired of typing. Go buy the book: Larry Wilde, _The Ultimate
|
|||
|
|
Lawyers Joke Book_. Bantam books. $2.95 (Canada $3.95).
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
-----
|
|||
|
|
Stephen C. Woods; UCLA SEASNET; 2567 BH;LA CA 90024; (213)-825-8614
|
|||
|
|
UUCP: ...!{ibmsupt,hao!cepu}!ollie}!scw ARPA:scw@{Ollie.,}SEAS.UCLA.EDU
|
|||
|
|
|