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From EWTILENI@pucc.princeton.edu Wed Dec 20 13:58:34 1989
From: EWTILENI@pucc.princeton.edu (Eric W. Tilenius)
Subject: COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS!! (New Version)
--==>> THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS <<==--
as you've NEVER seen them before!
________________________
(__) / \ * OFFICIAL EDITION *
(oo) ( November 1989 Version! )
/-------\/ --'\________________________/ * WORLDWIDE DISTRIBUTION *
/ | ||
* ||----|| Edited by Eric W. Tilenius
^^ ^^ Please send your submissions to:
Cow ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU // ewtileni@pucc.BITNET
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(__) (__) (__) (__)
(oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/ | || / | || / | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||W---|| * ||w---|| * ||V---||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Cow Cow laden Same cow Nancy Reagan-type
with milk after milking cow with milk
(___) (___) * (___) (___)
(o o) (o o) \ (o o) (o o)
/-------\ / /-------\ / \-------\ / /-------\ /
/ | ||O / | ||O | ||O / | ~#>-+|O
* ||,---|| * ||@\--|| ||,---|| * ||,----|
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^
Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American Bull
seeing above cow seeing other bull shooting the Rotc bull
(__) (__) (__) (__)
(oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
/-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | ||
* ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
\/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\
Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble
on grass on cow
(__) (__) * (__) * (__)
(oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo)
/--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/
* o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / ||
||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----||
ooo^^ ^^ ooooooooooooooooo ^^ ^^ ^^
Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the shit
a shit shit kicked out of her
(__)
(oo) U
/-------\/ /---V
/ | || * |--| .
* ||----||
^^ ^^
Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters.
(__) )__( vv vv
(oo) (oo) ||----|| *
/-------\/ *-------\/ || | /
/ | || / | || /\-------/
* ||----|| / ||----|| (oo)
^^ ^^ vv vv (~~)
American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow
(__) (__) (__)
(oo) ____ (oo) _---_(oo)
/-------\/ /- --\/ /- -\/
/ | || / | || /| ||
* ||----|| * ||___-|| * ||___-||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Freshman Cow at Freshman Cow Freshman Cow
start of school After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20"
(__) (__) (__)
(OO) (@@) (xx)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/ | || / | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash
psychadelic mushrooms down psychadelic mushrooms
/\ __
/ \ ||
(__) (__) \ / (_||_)
SooS (oo) \/ (oo)
/------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/
/ | || / | || / S / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's
to George Washington this cow cow
(__)
* (__) (oo)
\ (oo) /------\/
\-------\/ /| |/ |
| ==$ || / | [) ||
||----|| * ||----||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to
to Ceasar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday
(___) (__) (__)
( O ) (oo) (oo)
/-------\ / \/--------\/
/ | ||V | |
* ||----|| ||------||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with
the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle
(__) (__)
[##] (@o)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__)
/ | || / | || / | || (oo)
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^
This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to
to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman
(____) (____) (____)
(oo ) (o o) ( O O)
/-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ /
/ || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/
/ || |||| \ | | | | | / || ||||
* ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----||||
/\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ^^^^ ^^^^
This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether
to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had four
legs or eight
O__O \_|_/
(oo) (oo)
/-------\/ /-------\/
/ | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
(__) (__)
^^ (oo) (--)
^^^^ /-------\/ /-\/-\
^^^^^ / | || /| |\
^^^^^ * ||----|| ^ | | ^
^^^^^^^^ ====^^====^^==== | |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^/ /----\
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ / \ \
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ * ^
Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale
(What a bod, huh guys?)
)\ (__)
/ \ (oo)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cow swimming at Amityville
(Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated)
* (__)
\ (DD)
\ /-------\/
|\ / | ||_\_/
\ | \ (__) * ||----|
\\|| \(oo) ^^ ^
\||\ \\/ Cow chugging brews and staring at
^^ \|| sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale
\\ ||
\\||
\||
^^ / / / / / / / / / / /
\\_ / / / / / / / / / / / /
\_ / / / / / _______ / /
Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen / / / / | \ / /
/ / / (__)| / /
/ / / (oo)| / /
( @@@ ) /-------\/ |
( @@ ) (------------) / | ||^_|
@@ (__) ( *>COUGH<* ) * ||----|
@@ (oo) . . . ( *>COUGH<* ) ^^ ^
/--UU--\/ (____________)
/ | || Cow sheltering from English Weather
* ||---||
(New) Jersey Cow
O O O O
\ \ / /
\ \ (__) /
(__) \ \ (xx)/
(DD) \ +--------+\//
/-------\/ \| | /
/ | || +--------+
* ||----||
^^ ^^
Cow fantasizing about "Riding the Mechanical Bull"
at Gillies in Texas
o o
|__| (__) (__)
(oo) (oo) =(oo)= oo
/-------\/ /-------vv /-------\/
/ | || / | || / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
bill bixby bela lugosi boris karloff claude rains
male relative cow cow cow
cow
x
xxxx|xxxx
xxxxxxx|xxxxxxx
|
//
(__) // (__) (__)
(oo)// (oo)===(oo)
/-------\// /-------\/ \/-------\
/ | |// / | || || | \
* ||----| * ||----|| ||----|| *
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Julie Andrews Cow Siamese cows
o o (__) ^
\ / (oo) /
\ / _____\/___/
(__) \__/ / /\ / /
(oo) _______(oo) ^ / * /
/---------\/ /| ___ \/ / ___/
/ | x=a(b)|| / | { }|| *----/\
* ||------|| * ||{___}|| / \
^^ ^^ ||-----|| / /
^^ ^^ ^ ^
Mathematical Television This cow does Disco
Cow Cow (That's what comes of
(developer of (Cow-thode snorting cow-caine)
cow-culus) Ray Tube)
o
| [---]
| |
| | |------========|
/----|---|\ | **** |=======|
/___/___\___\ o | **** |=======|
| | ___| |==============|
| | ___ {(__)} |==============|
\-----------/ []( )={(oo)} |==============|
\ \ / / /---===--{ \/ } |
----------------- / | NASA |==== |
| | * ||------||-----^
----------------- || | |
/ / \ \ ^^ ^ |
/ ---- \
^^ ^^ This cow jumped over the Moon
(__)
([][]) "I have this recurring dream
__\/_--U about golden arches.".. (__)
/\ \__ ^ :..("")
/\\\ / / //\ ____\_____\/ //
/----^/__/\ /\ // \\/ \___ / //
\\\____/--\-- // /-/__________/ //
/====== \/ =======/==============//
*_/ / \ /^ // / \\
/ \ ^ // \\
Psycowlogist and patient
(___)
\^^^^^^^^\ (__) (o o)
\^^^^^^^^\\ (oo) \ /
*-----\_______\/\/ \--O--/
^_______/ --- \______^ // -----\
^--------\ \S/ /\_____^ \\/_^{} /==V===[]
\______/ \_____\\//
\__/
It's a bird... //\\ The Boss
It's a plane... // \\ (Bruce Holstien)
// //
^^ ^^
==================
_____________________________ H H
| |-------------| H (__) H
| | ________ | H (oo) H __
| COWNTY | | (|__|) | | H / \/ \ H / \
| JAIL | | |oo| | | H | | | | H | STOP |
| | |__|\/|__| | H D===b=----- H \ __ /
| | o | H^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H ||
| | ^ | H H ||
| | ] | H H ||
| | | H H ||
|_____________|_____________| H H ||
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^
Some cows get in trouble... Cattle Guard
( ( )
( ( ) )
( ( )
( / )
( ( \\ )
( | // )
| | (__)
| | (oo) (__)
| | ----\/ ______(oo)_____
| | || ( _)_______(__) )
**| | ---|| \ __________/
``'---------^^
Cow Hide Cow Pie
\ | / ___________
____________ \ \_# / | ___ | _________
| | \ #/ | | | | | = = = = |
| | | | | \\# | |`v'| | | |
| | \# // | --- ___ | | | || | |
| | | | | #_// | | | | | |
| | \\ #_/_______ | | | | | | || | |
| | | | | \\# /_____/ \ | --- | | |
| | \# |+ ++| | | |^^^^^^| | | | || | |
| | \# |+ ++| | | |^^^^^^| | | | || | |
^^^| (^^^^^) |^^^^^#^| H |_ |^| | |||| | |^^^^^^| |
| ( ||| ) | # ^^^^^^ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^________/ /_____ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
`v'- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ | ||||||| |
|| |`. (__) (__) ( )
(oo) (oo) /---V
/-------\/ \/ --------\ * | |
/ | || ||_______| \
* ||W---|| || || *
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
"Cow Town"
\ (__) (__)
\\(oo) (\/)
/-----\\\/ /-------\/
/ | (##) / | ||
* ||----||" * ||----||
^^ ^^ ~~ ~~
This cow plays bagpipes. Cow from Beijing
(__) (__) (__)
(\/) ($$) (**)
/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/ | 666 || / |=====|| / | ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love
(__) (__)
(oo) (oo)
/-'''''-\/ /-------------------\/
/ |'''''|| / | ||
* ||''''|| * ||----------------||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Cow in Argyle Stretch Cow
*
** **
* ** * * * **
* / / \ * *
\ \ / \ / / (__)
* / / \ \ (__) \ \ /--------(00)
/ (00) / / / | |( )
\ /-------\/ \ \ * ||---- ||()
/ / | || / / || ||
\ \ * ||----|| \ \ ^^ ^^
/ / ^^ ^^ / / Cow Chewing Marbles
Cow in Heat
(___)
(o o)
/------\ / (__) (__)
/ ____O (oo) (oo)
| / /----\----\/ /-------\/
/\oo===| / || / | ||
| || *||^-----|| * OO----OO
* ^^ ^^ ^^
Cowt in the Act low rider cow
(__) \__\ (__)
(oo) o (oo) (oo)
/-------\/ ____\___\/ *+-------\/
/ | || / | || ||______||
* ||----|| * ||----|| ||----||
OO OO OO OO OO OO
Detroit cow Mustang cow pickup cow
(__) (__) \_||_~
(oo) (oo) (*||*)
/---------------\/ /----\/ /-------\||/
/ | || / || / | ||
* ||------------|| *-||----|| * ||----||
OO OO OO OO OO }{
li-moo-cow fastback cow teenager's cow
____
(____)
.xxxx.
(__) '(oo)`
(oo) /-----'-\/ `
/-------\/ / | |============>
/ | || * ||----| (~)
* ||----|| ~~ ~
~~ ~~ Moo-ammar Cowdafi
holy cow armed and dangerous
(___) (___)
(o o) (o o)
/-------\ / /-------\ /
/ | ||O / | O~ ||O
* ||,---|| * ||,---||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
A Bull A-bomb-in-a-bull No-bull
(---)
( )
/-----\ (___)
| | (o o)
| | | (-----) \ /
| | | / / \ O
| * | * | O |
^^ ^^ -----
Coward Phone Bull
__________________________
}__{ / Send YOUR cow pictures to \
(00) ( ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU )
:****** \/ ==='\___________________________/'
: # ##
##****##
"" ""
| | | | *
| | (__) | | \ (__)
| | (oo) | | \ (oo)
| | /-------\/ | | -----------\/--
| | / | || | | ----| |---
| | * ||----|| | | --------
| \______^^____^^___ | \_________________
| _________________ | _________________
| / | /
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
/ \ / \
Cow perched on a tree. Cow attempting to fly off tree.
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| \_________________
| _________________
| /
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| | (__)
| | *---------(..)
/ \ ^^----^^\/
Cow that has failed miserably in the attempt.
. /\ . . : (__)
. / \ . . : (xx)
/ \ . . * : __------\/
/ \ * : * ||____||
| (__) | . . ** : / | |\
. /| (oo) |\ ** :
/ | /\/\ | \ . . * : Hamburger
. / |=|==|=| \ . * :
. / | | | | \ . :
/ USA | ^||^ |NASA \ . : * (__)
|______| ^^ |______| . : \ (oo)
. (__||__) . . : \-------\/
. /_\ /_\ . . . : 8-| ||
!!! !!! : ||----||
: ^^ ^^
The cow that jumped over the moon. : Flying Cow
...---...
../ / | \ \..
./ / / | \ \ \.
/ / / | \ \ \
/ / / | \ \ \
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /(__)
\|/ (oo)
/---++--\/
/ | || ||
* ||-++-||
^^ ^^
Cow surviving attack by Red Baron
..---.. (__)
/ \ (oo)
| RIP | /-------\/
| | / | ||
| | * ||----||
| | ^^ ^^
| |
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////
Elvis's Cow... ...Or is it alive and living in tax exile???
(__)
(oo)
/---+ +--\/
/ | | | ||
* ||-+ +-||
^^ ^^ *
David Copperfield's Cow David Copperfield's other Cow
(__)
(oo)
/-------\/
/ | ||
* ||----||
^^ ^^
(__) (__)
(oo) (oo)
/-------\/ \/-------\
/ | || -^^- || | \
* ||---- -^^- || *
^^ ^^
(__) (__)
(oo) (oo)
/-------\/ \/-------\
/ | || || | \
* ||----|| ||----|| *
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
Barnum's Troupe of performing cows
(__) _--------_
(oo) |__________| BIG
/-------\/ XXXXXXXXXX MAC
/ | 007 || __________
* ||----|| |_ _|
^^ ^^ --------
Cow licenced to kill Enemy Cow after having met previous cow
(__)
(oo)
/'^^^-m
(__) / '' ` )
(oo) o /| /|/|_ | /|
/ \/ / / _ / | | | |
/ _\===^ ___\_____/___ |_____|_|
___|__/ |/\ (___________(_) //|| ||
* ^ ^ * ww ww
Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Cow'nt Dracula
____ ____ |+++++|
|++++| ___ |++++| ____ |+++++|
|++++| |++ ______________________ |++++| |+++++|
|++++| |++/ /( )\ \ |++++| |+++++| __
| | |+| |-oo- | \______ |++++| |+++++| |++|
-----(__)--| \__\/ _(__)_ \ ----------------------------------
o ( oo /_______________________| (oo) \ | __
| _/\_| | M O O - B U S T E R S|__\/\ /| | /oo| - Bleaurgh!
|-| \\____ ------ )_ /| /\
-|_ \_|-_|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 0 _| * \/ *
\ | __________________________________/
| W| \ \_/ /----------------- \ \_/ /
/ /\ \ \___/ \___/
/ / \ \
^^^ ^^^ Who you gonna call...?
(__) (__) (__) (----------)
(00) (-o) (--) . . . ( *>YAWN<* )
/------\/ /------\/ /------\/ (----------)
/| || /| || /| ||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
Cow w/ Glasses Flirtatious cow (winking) Cow after pulling an all-nighter
* (__) (__) (__) (__)
\ (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
\-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
/| |\ / / \ / \ / / \ \
//||----||\\ * //------\\ * \\--// * \\----\\
^ ^^ ^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Cow walking Cow jogging Same cow Cow breaking
(__)
(oo) (__) o * (__)
\/ (oo)/ " | (oo)
____| \____ /-------\/(__ o=o=o=|------\/
---/ --** / | / | |
*____/ |___// * ||----|| ||----||
//--------/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
//__ Cow Cow pooing
Cow marching standing
Side Front Side back (___) Where's all the bulls!
(__) (__) (__) (__) (O O)/
( oo (oo) oo ) ( ) ^ _/\ /\_ ^
/\_| /\/\ |_/\ / \ \\/ O \//
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(___)
( OO
\_ | - Got some cows that aren't in here? Add yours to the official
\O collection! Send them to: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU
(___)
( --
\_ | - G'nite, and thank you for your support. Zzz z z z z z z z
\O
Thanks to EVERYONE who contributed COWS!
PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS FILE WIDELY -- IT IS *NOT* COPYRIGHTED.
(Besides, this is a classic that NO ONE should miss!)
- ERIC -
(__) Eric W. Tilenius
(oo)
/-------\/ President, Princeton Planetary Society
/ | ||
* ||----|| 609-734-7677 // ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke
because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.