714 lines
30 KiB
Plaintext
714 lines
30 KiB
Plaintext
From EWTILENI@pucc.princeton.edu Wed Dec 20 13:58:34 1989
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From: EWTILENI@pucc.princeton.edu (Eric W. Tilenius)
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Subject: COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS!! (New Version)
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--==>> THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS <<==--
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as you've NEVER seen them before!
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________________________
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(__) / \ * OFFICIAL EDITION *
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(oo) ( November 1989 Version! )
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/-------\/ --'\________________________/ * WORLDWIDE DISTRIBUTION *
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/ | ||
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* ||----|| Edited by Eric W. Tilenius
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^^ ^^ Please send your submissions to:
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Cow ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU // ewtileni@pucc.BITNET
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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(__) (__) (__) (__)
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(oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
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/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
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/ | || / | || / | || / | ||
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* ||----|| * ||W---|| * ||w---|| * ||V---||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Cow Cow laden Same cow Nancy Reagan-type
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with milk after milking cow with milk
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(___) (___) * (___) (___)
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(o o) (o o) \ (o o) (o o)
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/-------\ / /-------\ / \-------\ / /-------\ /
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/ | ||O / | ||O | ||O / | ~#>-+|O
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* ||,---|| * ||@\--|| ||,---|| * ||,----|
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^
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Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American Bull
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seeing above cow seeing other bull shooting the Rotc bull
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(__) (__) (__) (__)
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(oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
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/-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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/ | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | ||
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* ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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\/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\
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Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble
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on grass on cow
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(__) (__) * (__) * (__)
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(oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo)
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/--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/
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* o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / ||
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||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----||
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ooo^^ ^^ ooooooooooooooooo ^^ ^^ ^^
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Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the shit
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a shit shit kicked out of her
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(__)
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(oo) U
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/-------\/ /---V
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/ | || * |--| .
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* ||----||
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^^ ^^
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Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters.
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(__) )__( vv vv
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(oo) (oo) ||----|| *
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/-------\/ *-------\/ || | /
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/ | || / | || /\-------/
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* ||----|| / ||----|| (oo)
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^^ ^^ vv vv (~~)
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American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow
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(__) (__) (__)
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(oo) ____ (oo) _---_(oo)
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/-------\/ /- --\/ /- -\/
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/ | || / | || /| ||
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* ||----|| * ||___-|| * ||___-||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Freshman Cow at Freshman Cow Freshman Cow
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start of school After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20"
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(__) (__) (__)
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(OO) (@@) (xx)
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/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
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/ | || / | || / | ||
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* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash
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psychadelic mushrooms down psychadelic mushrooms
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/\ __
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/ \ ||
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(__) (__) \ / (_||_)
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SooS (oo) \/ (oo)
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/------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/
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/ | || / | || / S / | ||
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* ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's
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to George Washington this cow cow
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(__)
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* (__) (oo)
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\ (oo) /------\/
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\-------\/ /| |/ |
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| ==$ || / | [) ||
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||----|| * ||----||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to
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to Ceasar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday
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(___) (__) (__)
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( O ) (oo) (oo)
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/-------\ / \/--------\/
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/ | ||V | |
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* ||----|| ||------||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with
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the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle
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(__) (__)
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[##] (@o)
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/-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__)
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/ | || / | || / | || (oo)
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* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^
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This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to
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to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman
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(____) (____) (____)
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(oo ) (o o) ( O O)
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/-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ /
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/ || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/
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/ || |||| \ | | | | | / || ||||
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* ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----||||
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/\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ^^^^ ^^^^
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This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether
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to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had four
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legs or eight
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O__O \_|_/
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(oo) (oo)
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/-------\/ /-------\/
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/ | || / | ||
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* ||----|| * ||----||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
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(__) (__)
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^^ (oo) (--)
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^^^^ /-------\/ /-\/-\
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^^^^^ / | || /| |\
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^^^^^ * ||----|| ^ | | ^
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^^^^^^^^ ====^^====^^==== | |
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^/ /----\
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ / \ \
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ * ^
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Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale
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(What a bod, huh guys?)
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)\ (__)
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/ \ (oo)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cow swimming at Amityville
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(Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated)
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* (__)
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\ (DD)
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\ /-------\/
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|\ / | ||_\_/
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\ | \ (__) * ||----|
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\\|| \(oo) ^^ ^
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\||\ \\/ Cow chugging brews and staring at
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^^ \|| sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale
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\\ ||
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\\||
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\||
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^^ / / / / / / / / / / /
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\\_ / / / / / / / / / / / /
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\_ / / / / / _______ / /
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Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen / / / / | \ / /
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/ / / (__)| / /
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/ / / (oo)| / /
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( @@@ ) /-------\/ |
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( @@ ) (------------) / | ||^_|
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@@ (__) ( *>COUGH<* ) * ||----|
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@@ (oo) . . . ( *>COUGH<* ) ^^ ^
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/--UU--\/ (____________)
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/ | || Cow sheltering from English Weather
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* ||---||
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(New) Jersey Cow
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O O O O
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\ \ / /
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\ \ (__) /
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(__) \ \ (xx)/
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(DD) \ +--------+\//
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/-------\/ \| | /
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/ | || +--------+
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* ||----||
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^^ ^^
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Cow fantasizing about "Riding the Mechanical Bull"
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at Gillies in Texas
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o o
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|__| (__) (__)
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(oo) (oo) =(oo)= oo
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/-------\/ /-------vv /-------\/
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/ | || / | || / | ||
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* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
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~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
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bill bixby bela lugosi boris karloff claude rains
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male relative cow cow cow
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cow
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x
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xxxx|xxxx
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xxxxxxx|xxxxxxx
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//
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(__) // (__) (__)
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(oo)// (oo)===(oo)
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/-------\// /-------\/ \/-------\
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/ | |// / | || || | \
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* ||----| * ||----|| ||----|| *
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Julie Andrews Cow Siamese cows
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o o (__) ^
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\ / (oo) /
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\ / _____\/___/
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(__) \__/ / /\ / /
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(oo) _______(oo) ^ / * /
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/---------\/ /| ___ \/ / ___/
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/ | x=a(b)|| / | { }|| *----/\
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* ||------|| * ||{___}|| / \
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^^ ^^ ||-----|| / /
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^^ ^^ ^ ^
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Mathematical Television This cow does Disco
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Cow Cow (That's what comes of
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(developer of (Cow-thode snorting cow-caine)
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cow-culus) Ray Tube)
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o
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| [---]
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| |
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| | |------========|
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/----|---|\ | **** |=======|
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/___/___\___\ o | **** |=======|
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| | ___| |==============|
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| | ___ {(__)} |==============|
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\-----------/ []( )={(oo)} |==============|
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\ \ / / /---===--{ \/ } |
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----------------- / | NASA |==== |
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| | * ||------||-----^
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----------------- || | |
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/ / \ \ ^^ ^ |
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/ ---- \
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^^ ^^ This cow jumped over the Moon
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(__)
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([][]) "I have this recurring dream
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__\/_--U about golden arches.".. (__)
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/\ \__ ^ :..("")
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/\\\ / / //\ ____\_____\/ //
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/----^/__/\ /\ // \\/ \___ / //
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\\\____/--\-- // /-/__________/ //
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/====== \/ =======/==============//
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*_/ / \ /^ // / \\
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/ \ ^ // \\
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Psycowlogist and patient
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(___)
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\^^^^^^^^\ (__) (o o)
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\^^^^^^^^\\ (oo) \ /
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*-----\_______\/\/ \--O--/
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^_______/ --- \______^ // -----\
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^--------\ \S/ /\_____^ \\/_^{} /==V===[]
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\______/ \_____\\//
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\__/
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It's a bird... //\\ The Boss
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It's a plane... // \\ (Bruce Holstien)
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// //
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^^ ^^
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==================
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_____________________________ H H
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| |-------------| H (__) H
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| | ________ | H (oo) H __
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| COWNTY | | (|__|) | | H / \/ \ H / \
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| JAIL | | |oo| | | H | | | | H | STOP |
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| | |__|\/|__| | H D===b=----- H \ __ /
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| | o | H^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H ||
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| | ^ | H H ||
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| | ] | H H ||
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| | | H H ||
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|_____________|_____________| H H ||
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^
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Some cows get in trouble... Cattle Guard
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( ( )
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( ( ) )
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( ( )
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( / )
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( ( \\ )
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( | // )
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| | (__)
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| | (oo) (__)
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| | ----\/ ______(oo)_____
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| | || ( _)_______(__) )
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**| | ---|| \ __________/
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``'---------^^
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Cow Hide Cow Pie
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\ | / ___________
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____________ \ \_# / | ___ | _________
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| | \ #/ | | | | | = = = = |
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| | | | | \\# | |`v'| | | |
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| | \# // | --- ___ | | | || | |
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| | | | | #_// | | | | | |
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| | \\ #_/_______ | | | | | | || | |
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| | | | | \\# /_____/ \ | --- | | |
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| | \# |+ ++| | | |^^^^^^| | | | || | |
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| | \# |+ ++| | | |^^^^^^| | | | || | |
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^^^| (^^^^^) |^^^^^#^| H |_ |^| | |||| | |^^^^^^| |
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| ( ||| ) | # ^^^^^^ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^________/ /_____ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
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`v'- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ | ||||||| |
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|| |`. (__) (__) ( )
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(oo) (oo) /---V
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/-------\/ \/ --------\ * | |
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/ | || ||_______| \
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* ||W---|| || || *
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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"Cow Town"
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\ (__) (__)
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\\(oo) (\/)
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/-----\\\/ /-------\/
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/ | (##) / | ||
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* ||----||" * ||----||
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^^ ^^ ~~ ~~
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This cow plays bagpipes. Cow from Beijing
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(__) (__) (__)
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(\/) ($$) (**)
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/-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
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/ | 666 || / |=====|| / | ||
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* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love
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(__) (__)
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(oo) (oo)
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/-'''''-\/ /-------------------\/
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/ |'''''|| / | ||
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* ||''''|| * ||----------------||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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Cow in Argyle Stretch Cow
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*
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** **
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* ** * * * **
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* / / \ * *
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\ \ / \ / / (__)
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* / / \ \ (__) \ \ /--------(00)
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/ (00) / / / | |( )
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\ /-------\/ \ \ * ||---- ||()
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/ / | || / / || ||
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\ \ * ||----|| \ \ ^^ ^^
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/ / ^^ ^^ / / Cow Chewing Marbles
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Cow in Heat
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(___)
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(o o)
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/------\ / (__) (__)
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/ ____O (oo) (oo)
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| / /----\----\/ /-------\/
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/\oo===| / || / | ||
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| || *||^-----|| * OO----OO
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* ^^ ^^ ^^
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Cowt in the Act low rider cow
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(__) \__\ (__)
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(oo) o (oo) (oo)
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/-------\/ ____\___\/ *+-------\/
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/ | || / | || ||______||
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* ||----|| * ||----|| ||----||
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OO OO OO OO OO OO
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Detroit cow Mustang cow pickup cow
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(__) (__) \_||_~
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(oo) (oo) (*||*)
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/---------------\/ /----\/ /-------\||/
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/ | || / || / | ||
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* ||------------|| *-||----|| * ||----||
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OO OO OO OO OO }{
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li-moo-cow fastback cow teenager's cow
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____
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(____)
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.xxxx.
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(__) '(oo)`
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(oo) /-----'-\/ `
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/-------\/ / | |============>
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/ | || * ||----| (~)
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* ||----|| ~~ ~
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~~ ~~ Moo-ammar Cowdafi
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holy cow armed and dangerous
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(___) (___)
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(o o) (o o)
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/-------\ / /-------\ /
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/ | ||O / | O~ ||O
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* ||,---|| * ||,---||
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^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
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A Bull A-bomb-in-a-bull No-bull
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(---)
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( )
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/-----\ (___)
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| | (o o)
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| | | (-----) \ /
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| | | / / \ O
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| * | * | O |
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^^ ^^ -----
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Coward Phone Bull
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__________________________
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}__{ / Send YOUR cow pictures to \
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(00) ( ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU )
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:****** \/ ==='\___________________________/'
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: # ##
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##****##
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"" ""
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| | | | *
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| | (__) | | \ (__)
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| | (oo) | | \ (oo)
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| | /-------\/ | | -----------\/--
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| | / | || | | ----| |---
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| | * ||----|| | | --------
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| \______^^____^^___ | \_________________
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| _________________ | _________________
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/ \ / \
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Cow perched on a tree. Cow attempting to fly off tree.
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| \_________________
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| _________________
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| /
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| | (__)
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| | *---------(..)
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/ \ ^^----^^\/
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Cow that has failed miserably in the attempt.
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. /\ . . : (__)
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. / \ . . : (xx)
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/ \ . . * : __------\/
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/ \ * : * ||____||
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| (__) | . . ** : / | |\
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. /| (oo) |\ ** :
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/ | /\/\ | \ . . * : Hamburger
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. / |=|==|=| \ . * :
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. / | | | | \ . :
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/ USA | ^||^ |NASA \ . : * (__)
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|______| ^^ |______| . : \ (oo)
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. (__||__) . . : \-------\/
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. /_\ /_\ . . . : 8-| ||
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!!! !!! : ||----||
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: ^^ ^^
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The cow that jumped over the moon. : Flying Cow
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...---...
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../ / | \ \..
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./ / / | \ \ \.
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/ / / | \ \ \
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/ / / | \ \ \
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /
|
||
\ | /(__)
|
||
\|/ (oo)
|
||
/---++--\/
|
||
/ | || ||
|
||
* ||-++-||
|
||
^^ ^^
|
||
|
||
Cow surviving attack by Red Baron
|
||
|
||
|
||
..---.. (__)
|
||
/ \ (oo)
|
||
| RIP | /-------\/
|
||
| | / | ||
|
||
| | * ||----||
|
||
| | ^^ ^^
|
||
| |
|
||
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////
|
||
|
||
Elvis's Cow... ...Or is it alive and living in tax exile???
|
||
|
||
|
||
(__)
|
||
(oo)
|
||
/---+ +--\/
|
||
/ | | | ||
|
||
* ||-+ +-||
|
||
^^ ^^ *
|
||
|
||
David Copperfield's Cow David Copperfield's other Cow
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
(__)
|
||
(oo)
|
||
/-------\/
|
||
/ | ||
|
||
* ||----||
|
||
^^ ^^
|
||
(__) (__)
|
||
(oo) (oo)
|
||
/-------\/ \/-------\
|
||
/ | || -^^- || | \
|
||
* ||---- -^^- || *
|
||
^^ ^^
|
||
(__) (__)
|
||
(oo) (oo)
|
||
/-------\/ \/-------\
|
||
/ | || || | \
|
||
* ||----|| ||----|| *
|
||
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
|
||
Barnum's Troupe of performing cows
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
(__) _--------_
|
||
(oo) |__________| BIG
|
||
/-------\/ XXXXXXXXXX MAC
|
||
/ | 007 || __________
|
||
* ||----|| |_ _|
|
||
^^ ^^ --------
|
||
Cow licenced to kill Enemy Cow after having met previous cow
|
||
|
||
|
||
(__)
|
||
(oo)
|
||
/'^^^-m
|
||
(__) / '' ` )
|
||
(oo) o /| /|/|_ | /|
|
||
/ \/ / / _ / | | | |
|
||
/ _\===^ ___\_____/___ |_____|_|
|
||
___|__/ |/\ (___________(_) //|| ||
|
||
* ^ ^ * ww ww
|
||
|
||
Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Cow'nt Dracula
|
||
|
||
|
||
____ ____ |+++++|
|
||
|++++| ___ |++++| ____ |+++++|
|
||
|++++| |++ ______________________ |++++| |+++++|
|
||
|++++| |++/ /( )\ \ |++++| |+++++| __
|
||
| | |+| |-oo- | \______ |++++| |+++++| |++|
|
||
-----(__)--| \__\/ _(__)_ \ ----------------------------------
|
||
o ( oo /_______________________| (oo) \ | __
|
||
| _/\_| | M O O - B U S T E R S|__\/\ /| | /oo| - Bleaurgh!
|
||
|-| \\____ ------ )_ /| /\
|
||
-|_ \_|-_|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 0 _| * \/ *
|
||
\ | __________________________________/
|
||
| W| \ \_/ /----------------- \ \_/ /
|
||
/ /\ \ \___/ \___/
|
||
/ / \ \
|
||
^^^ ^^^ Who you gonna call...?
|
||
|
||
|
||
(__) (__) (__) (----------)
|
||
(00) (-o) (--) . . . ( *>YAWN<* )
|
||
/------\/ /------\/ /------\/ (----------)
|
||
/| || /| || /| ||
|
||
* ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
|
||
|
||
Cow w/ Glasses Flirtatious cow (winking) Cow after pulling an all-nighter
|
||
|
||
|
||
* (__) (__) (__) (__)
|
||
\ (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
|
||
\-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
|
||
/| |\ / / \ / \ / / \ \
|
||
//||----||\\ * //------\\ * \\--// * \\----\\
|
||
^ ^^ ^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
|
||
Cow walking Cow jogging Same cow Cow breaking
|
||
|
||
|
||
(__)
|
||
(oo) (__) o * (__)
|
||
\/ (oo)/ " | (oo)
|
||
____| \____ /-------\/(__ o=o=o=|------\/
|
||
---/ --** / | / | |
|
||
*____/ |___// * ||----|| ||----||
|
||
//--------/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
|
||
//__ Cow Cow pooing
|
||
Cow marching standing
|
||
|
||
|
||
Side Front Side back (___) Where's all the bulls!
|
||
(__) (__) (__) (__) (O O)/
|
||
( oo (oo) oo ) ( ) ^ _/\ /\_ ^
|
||
/\_| /\/\ |_/\ / \ \\/ O \//
|
||
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
||
(___)
|
||
( OO
|
||
\_ | - Got some cows that aren't in here? Add yours to the official
|
||
\O collection! Send them to: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU
|
||
|
||
|
||
(___)
|
||
( --
|
||
\_ | - G'nite, and thank you for your support. Zzz z z z z z z z
|
||
\O
|
||
|
||
Thanks to EVERYONE who contributed COWS!
|
||
|
||
PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS FILE WIDELY -- IT IS *NOT* COPYRIGHTED.
|
||
(Besides, this is a classic that NO ONE should miss!)
|
||
|
||
- ERIC -
|
||
|
||
(__) Eric W. Tilenius
|
||
(oo)
|
||
/-------\/ President, Princeton Planetary Society
|
||
/ | ||
|
||
* ||----|| 609-734-7677 // ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU
|
||
|
||
--
|
||
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
|
||
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
|
||
|
||
If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke
|
||
because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.
|
||
|
||
|