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%% The Rumpus Chronicles Part IV: Rumpus in the Slammer! %%
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%% By your friend..The Reflex %%
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%% Brought to you by Omnipotent, Incorporated %%
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PROLOGUE:
Well, it seems that since we last left, Rumpus was on his way to prison
after a little accident in his father's Rumpusmobile. Rumpus was speeding
(actually he was only doing 35 MPH which appears to be the top speed for a
Rumpusmobile which is a souped up '88 four-wheel drive turbo Yugo) in a 30 mile
per hour zone. When he ran a red light, he was chased by police and had his
tires shot out. The police arrested Rumpus for driving without a license and
for speeding. There were additional rumors of charges for just looking like a
Rumpus, but these have yet to be cleared up. They placed him under arrest,
anyway, and drove off with him. This is where the adventure continues...
THE ARREST:
The two policemen placed handcuffs on Rumpus not knowing whether or not he
might be some crazy criminal or not. The mass murderer had not been
apprehended yet and the police weren't taking chances with anyone that night.
Rumpus pleaded with them and tried to convince them that he was actually Rumpus
Senior as the driver's license he was found with stated. However, while they
were frisking him, the police found exactly 213 unopened condoms and then they
were convinced that he was a teenager. Soooo...
"I swear that I'm 54!" Rumpus almost cried.
"Of course you are, son. Hey, MacMurphy, call out a wrecker and have that
flaming wreck towed off before anyone gets hurt," the first policeman said with
a heavy Irish accent.
"All right, O'Brian!" the other one replied with an even stronger accent.
"Looks like we'll have to take you downtown, son," O'Brian said to Rumpus.
"No! If you do that, I'll get in trouble!" Rumpus was now screaming.
"Hey, MacMurphy, pistol-whip him so we can take him in without any
trouble," O'Brian ordered his partner.
MacMurphy unsnapped the release on his holster and withdrew a long .38
from it. He turned it around so that he was holding the barrel in his right
hand. Doing this, he walked over to Rumpus and raised it up in the air.
Now at this point, you may remember that Rumpus is a strong believer in
the hair-mousse cult and always uses more than is necessary to get his hair to
spike like a porcupine. MacMurphy brought the handle of the pistol forcefully
down on Rumpus' head. However, when the handle hit the rock-hard spikes on
Rumpus scalp the gun discharged a single round. The bullet penetrated
MacMurphy's pants about a half inch below his zipper then ricocheted off the
cement and whined into the left rear tire of the patrol car. Something small,
round and bleeding dropped from MacMurphy's pants and made a small PLOP! on the
ground. As the tire hissed leaking air, MacMurphy grabbed his groin and rolled
in pain on the ground screaming something about not being able to have any more
children. Upon hearing the gunshot, Rumpus wet his pants and passed out saving
the two officers any further trouble.
"Looks like the little bugger's fainted, MacMurphy," O'Brian commented.
"ARRGHHH!" was all that MacMurphy had to add as O'Brian helped him to his
feet.
The two officers placed surgical gloves (standard procedure) on and lifted
Rumpus into the rear seat of the patrol car
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