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%% How to Have Fun in Restaurants %%
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%% Courtesy of _The Reflex_ and Omnipotent, Inc. %%
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Have you ever been in a restaurant and had lousy service, or lousy food,
or just felt pissed off? Well there are many great ways to get revenge against
scum of the bucket places like this. Here is where you can learn some ways and
seek inspiration for further activities.
1) When you first walk into a restaurant and they ask you how many people will
be at dinner, say that you are having an office party and that about 50-75
poeple will be coming in. It is better to call and reserve this.
2) Get up and go to the bathroom as often as you can. This will piss them off.
Once inside the bathroom, you have limitless possiblities. Make sure that
you have a full bladder for this one. First go into all of the stalls and
piss on all the toilet paper. Piss up and down the walls. After pissing up
the stalls, go over to the sink. See the contraption on the wall full of
soap? Well remove the top and empty your bladder into it. If you can, stir
it up or shake it up. I've done this before and then seen people come in
and wash their hands and face. A real riot! Next whip out your magic
marker and go back into the stalls. Write such shit as: "Brad Moreland is
a Dick that likes to give head! Call him at (713) 487-0351." Next give an
illustration to go along with it such as this:
___
/ ! \
!___!
!. .!
!., !
! ,.!
! , !
!., !
__ ! ,.! __
/.,\! , !/.,\
!,.,!___!.,.!
\__/ \__/
BRAD MORELAND RULES!
If there are any empty toilets then fill them to the rim with toilet paper.
It is interesting to see the water fill up the bathroom as you run out in
laughter.
3) Next order as much shit as possible and then "remember" that you have an
important engagement as they bring all the shit out.
4) Need some credit cards? After some assholes leave, they forget to take
their carbons with them and leave them sitting on the table. Help yourself,
it will have the store authorization number on it for some checking
purposes.
5) Low on money? Help yourself to the tips that idiots leave for "good
service." One night I got nearly $45 from 3 different restaurants in the
local mall.
6) Food Phun! So the shit, er...I mean food has arrived, eh? Well you aren't
really going to pay for it, are you? If you haven't collected your tips yet
then whip out your official Marvin Zindler Roach Droppings in a Bag(c) and
pour it all over your food. Demand to see the manager and then start
bitching about how you expect good service for the price you are paying.
Threaten to tell the Board of Health and report them for that. Also, have
some rat droppings and urine ready. Live roaches are a must, all you have
to do is release one on your plate after you ate all that you want (don't
eat it all). Next release the roach on your food and call the manager.
7) Ever consider starting a food fight
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