271 lines
20 KiB
Plaintext
271 lines
20 KiB
Plaintext
SUBJECT: AM I IMAGINING IT ALL ? FILE: UFO2677
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Am I Imagining It All?
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"...there will be wonder. There will be great wonder." These words,
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written by Whitley Strieber in the foreword of his book Transformation,
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have for me, become the most profound words that I have ever come across.
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They are at once extremely descriptive of the entire UFO enigma and yet,
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they are very richly understated. To wonder is to contemplate something
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that at the very least has some basis for understanding in the human
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mind. But, it is becoming increasingly clear, as more and more
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information is obtained from UFO sightings and proported abduction
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victims that much of the phenomenon is probably beyond Man's
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comprehension. Therefore, to wonder is to digress from fact into fantasy.
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But, one cannot help but wonder. So how are we to get to the true meaning
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of the enigma? There seems, at this point, to be no clear path to truth
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ahead of those who study this peculiar subject. About all anyone can do
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is to add as much information as possible to the files of dedicated
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research organizations attempting to put all of the bizarre tales into
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some some kind of rational perspective. These files are already so loaded
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with obscure symbolism and strange occurrences, that their real
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underlying meanings may never be obtained. In writing this, I presuppose
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that UFOs exist, that they are indeed a physical reality and not
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halluclnatory in nature, that they are piloted by extraterrestrial
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entities, and that these entities have engaged in the abduction and
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examination of many human individuals. The question of existence has
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never been an issue for me. I have always accepted as fact that UFOs were
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a reality. As far back as I can remember, I have held a major interest in
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the phenomenon. Recently, I ran across newspaper clippings dated as far
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back as 1978 that I had collected pertaining to various sightings of
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strange craft, which demonstrates that even at age 14, I was keenly aware
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that something strange was happening. In those days though, as far as I
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was concerned, UFOs were strange flying craft that people saw in the sky,
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although I do not remember ever having personally seen an object that I
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could truly consider to be extraterrestrial. Abduction accounts were
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virtually unheard of, or at least they were not reported by any media
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available to me other than in the grocery store tabloids that everyone
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denies reading. In fact, I do not recall reading one in-depth "alien
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encounter" report until I was in my early twenties. I had heard the names
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Travis Walton and Betty Andreasson a few times, but I had no access to
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details of these cases. It was not until late 1989, at age 25, that I
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began to suspect my own possible abduction. This "wondering" began on a
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trip to a bookstore where I was scanning a totally unrelated section of
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books for something interesting to read. Suddenly, I came to an out of
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place book entitled Intruders. The name was all I saw on the spine, but l
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immediately knew what this book was about. Without checking to see if I
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was correct in my assumption I grabbed the book and bought it. It was all
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I could do to wait until 1 got home to start reading it. While I was
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engrossed in the manuscript I recalled a dream that I had as a child. It
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was a horrifing dream that has recurred several times throughout my life.
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What I remember of it seems to fit perfectly into the classic abduction
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scenario.
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Am Iying in bed asleep. For reasons unclear I wake up and peer through
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the doorway of my room. I think I see some small men looking back at me
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from around another doorway very close to my own. I get up to investigate
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and walk toward them down the hall. I do not get very far when I seem to
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remember several others coming toward me. At this point I become very
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frightened and turn to run back to my bedroom. I take about one step and
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am frozen in my tracks. I could not move a muscle. This was not the "run
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in slow motion but can't get away" dream. I was totally immobilized and
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felt a very strange tingling sensation, which I will never forget. I can
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equate it a low level electrical vibration, like when you touch the ends
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of a cord as you plug it into the wall socket, only not as strong. I
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remember screaming for my mother and father to help me. Whether anything
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came out of my mouth or no one heard me, I don't know. At this point my
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back was turned to whatever was pursuing me. Then, my legs began to float
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up and I tilted face down and began to float. I do not recall anything
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after this point. I can remember, as a child, being absolutely terrified
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to go down the hall to my room by myself, especially at night. I would
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even go so far as to try to con my brother to go with me, telling him
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that I wanted to show him something or that I wanted to play with him. I
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also had a fear of looking out of the sliding glass doors that led out to
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the backyard at night, for fear that someone would be out there looking
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back at me. These fears persisted way up into my teens. In fact, I still
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find myself hugging the walls in my present house, stealthily walking
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along wondering if someone is in the house when I know good and well that
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there is'nt. Another incident that I recalled while reading Intruders
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pertained to a possible visual sighting that occurred when I was a young
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boy. My cousins and I were playing outside while my father and uncle
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talked nearby. Suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, I looked to a spot
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in the sky and detected a very small stationary object that shown
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brightly with reflected sunlight. It seems miraculous to me now that I
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could have spotted the object, knowing how scatter-brained young boys
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are. I called to the others to see and we watched it for some time,
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although it made no movement. Upon asking my father and uncle what it
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was, I remember my uncle getting out his binoculars and taking a look. I
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am sure that my father also observed the object through the binoculars.
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Although they could not confirm the identity of the object, they
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determined that it must be a weather balloon. We accepted this and went
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about our daily romp sessions without further discussion of the matter. I
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hadn't given this incident any thought at all until reading Intruders,
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some twenty years later, at which point the occurrence came rushing back
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into my mind with utmost clarity. I also recalled during this time a
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missing time incident that occurred when I was a senior in high school.
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At the time, I was having trouble with a spastic colon and was on an
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anti- spasmodic drug called Bentyl. Although this may hurt my
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credibility, I ingested a rather large amount of this drug during my
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second to last class one day. I really don't know why I did this, but I
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did. I remember going to my last class feeling very groggy and falling
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asleep. When the bell rang I was almost unable to walk or function
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normally but managed to get to the door leading outside to my car. This
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was around 2:30 to 3:00 p.m. The next thing I remember is waking up
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around 6:00 p.m. at home in my bed to my mother asking me to move my car.
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This was an incredibly difficult task in my condition. I cannot believe
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that no one noticed that I was so doped up. The thing I find so difficult
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to grasp, given that this was a drug induced blackout, is that in this
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condition, I would have had to get into my car at the school, drive about
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3 miles in heavy traffic to my job, perform my duties, drive to another
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location to finish and then drive home. This is almost too much for me to
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accept. I seem to remember asking my co-workers the next day about my
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performance but not getting any satisfactory answers as to whether I did
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my job or whether I was even there to do it. This event gradually faded
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from memory and I had not thought about it again until I read Intruders.
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The next book I read was Communion. I obtained it from the local
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library and was dumbfounded that it would even have this book. I
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concealed it as I walked up to the check- out counter for fear of being
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seen with it and made fun of. I had heard about the book but had never
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seen it before. When I picked it off the shelf and saw the cover I was
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immediately stunned by the artwork and a thought ran through my mind-the
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image on my door. On the back of the door to the room in which I had the
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dream about the little men, there was an image formed by the grain of the
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wood that I used to call "the devil on my door". I remember showing it to
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all my friends and even my mother, although she has no recollection of
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it. It seemed to be an elongated face with slanted eyes and an evil look.
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The face on Communion seemed to spark some kind of correlation. It was my
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immediate thought that they were different renderings of the same thing.
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I remember many times opening my door because I didn't want it to be
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looking at me. A very strange thing for a child to think about a piece of
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wood. Communion elicited the same memories from my childhood that
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Intruders did. I began to play "connect the dots" and things became
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clearer that I may have had my own possible abduction experiences. After
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this, I began reading everything that I could get my hands on about the
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subject, trying desperately to find some confirmation of the things that
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I had experienced. I now understand that this is a quite common phase for
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abductees/contactees to go through. During this time of "information
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gathering" I had some very vivid dreams. These dreams that I will relate
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to you seemed very different from my normal dream state. In fact they
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seemed very real. The thing that puzzles me is that unlike my normal
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dreams where I seem to be fully conscious and in control, in these
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"abduction" dreams I felt as though I was not fully conscious or perhaps
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groggy from some narcotic. The first of these came on March 26, 1990. I
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distinctly remember the date because I awoke the next morning telling
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myself that I had to remember that day so I could relate it later. It
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begins this way. When I become aware of something happening, I am
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standing beside my bed buttoning my red and black flannel shirt. I
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already had on a pair of jeans. I have no recall of whether I had shoes
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on. My head was down against my chest as I was doing this. Again, I felt
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groggy but somewhat aware of my surroundings. Standing next to me on my
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right side was a small man whom I did not get a good look at. I seem to
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remember that I could see the top of his head out of the corner of my eye
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and it was greyish white with no hair. He wore what I perceived to be
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black clothes. He said to me, "Are you ready?", at which point I replied,
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"I guess so." He then took me by my left hand and began leading me out of
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the bedroom, down the hall and into the livingroom. At some point during
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this promenade, he blurted out, "Hurry!". It seemed to me that he was
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taking many more steps than I was. He was smaller than I and seemed like
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he was late for something or that he was taking too long to accomplish
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his task. We headed for the door that leads out to the backyard. I do not
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remember going out the door, but the next thing I do remember is that we
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are outside. We walk across the yard and end up beside this very small
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jet black oval object that I assume was a craft of some sort. I do not
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remember a door, as such, but there was an opening that I had to crouch
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down to get through. I entered first with him following. I sat down in a
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chair of some sort that was, I assume, at the rear of the craft,
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immediately on my left. I say this because the little man was doing
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something in front of me where there seemed to be a lot of equipment and
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another chair. He was working quite quickly at something, facing to my
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right as I watched him. At this point, a small door, which I thought
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looked like a glove-box in a car, fell open. He cursed, "S---t!", which I
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found quite humorous. I even remember chuckling a bit at this, thinking
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that he was not much different than I was in his actions. Abruptly, my
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recollections end. I do not know what took place after this, if indeed
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this was a realtime event.
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The next dream concerning this subject occurred within days of the
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March 26 scenario. Upon further reflection, I feel that this one may be
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another remembered segment of the same experience. When I become aware of
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my surroundings, I am sitting at a low table. It is white and although I
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cannot move my head around, everything else seemed to be of this same
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color. Again, I feel as though I am drugged and possibly not fully
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conscious. My head is glued to my chest as it had been in the earlier
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dream. I immediatly sensed two presences other than myself. One was on my
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left at the side of the table which I perceived to be a male. The other
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was immediatly on my right. I never saw this one but I perceived her as a
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female as I will explain. I am looking down the whole time, but I was
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aware that the male on my left was doing something. I said to him, "How
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many others have you worked with?". He responded, "What do you mean?" I
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replied, "How many other people have you worked with?" He thought a
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minute and then said, "Two." At this point, the entity on my right said,
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in a distinctly female voice, "Oh, and then there was our brother." This
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elicited from the male some sort of confirming gesture. I am not sure if
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I saw this or just felt it. I could not stand not being able to look
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around and said, "Just a minute". I then tried to lift my head to get a
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glimpse of my surroundings. It took all the strength I could muster to
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overcome the force that held my head in its downward position, but 1
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managed to look up. When I did, I looked straight into the eyes of the
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male on my left. I was overwhelmed with delight. It was something
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concrete that I could take with me. I will never forget the sight. His
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eyes were very large. They were very human looking in structure and a
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beautiful light blue in color. They seemed endless and I felt elated. I
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was so close to him that I seem to remember being able to make out the
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lines in the iris. This was only a momentary glance but enough to last me
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a lifetime. At this point, my head was returned to its original position.
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Sometime later, I remember looking down at a Petrie dish of translucent
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green liquid or jelly. A third entity was standing in the background just
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able to be made out in the corner of my eye. He was not unlike the entity
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on the cover of Communion, although his head was more angular at the top
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and perhaps slightly wider. He wore a long, robed garrnent that seemed to
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shimmer slightly. It had long sleeves covering his arms which he had
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folded so that his hands were not visible. I got the impression that he
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was very much in charge. He had a cold stare. I was still very much aware
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of the green substance in front of me when the third entity uttered,
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"Wait." I turned slightly, as much as I could, to get a better look. He
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made a nodding gesture. When I turned my head back to view the green
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jelly, it was no longer there. Instead, there was a bowl of what I
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perceived to be, of all things, mashed potatoes. I do not know whether
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the nodding gesture from this being changed its appearance or whether it
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was simply replaced as my attention was drawn away from it. This is all I
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remember of this dream. There have been many other strange things happen
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and other less vivid dreams concerning the UFO phenomenon, but it is
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these dreams described above that I find so fascinating. They are so out
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of sync with my norrnal dream state. There seems to be no clear
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beginning, no middle, no end. Just fragmentary segments to tantalize my
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imagination. I am still unsettled and confused as to whether these events
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were real and related or whether they are totaly unrelated events that
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are linked together only by my immersion in this very compelling subject.
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Or, perhaps, they were not real at all and were generated out of my
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subconscious mind to fulfill an inner need to be associated with the
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elite "chosen" few who have actually experienced something real. Did the
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sequences truly occur? At times the question drives my up the wall. I
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hope that I can one day find out. As for the missing-time incident, the
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possible visual sighting, the image on my bedroom door and the dream I
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had as a child, I know that these were real events. They did occur. But,
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as to whether or not they are related to the UFO phenomena, I can not
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make a concrete decision at this time. I have recently begun to undergo
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hypnotherapy, having made a personal decision to determine if the lunatic
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fringe is just around the corner. If the determination can be made that I
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have somehow construed these happenings out of my own mind, then the case
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should be handed to qualified psychologists to try and understand why an
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ordinary person would relate experiences on a subconscious level that so
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closely resemble experiences of actual abductees. If indeed, though, the
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aforementioned experiences and those not mentioned here are truly
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occurring in event-level reality, then I will probably have to change
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many of the views I hold of reality. But, however it goes, I will
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approach the phenomenon as any good investigator, scientist or therapist
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should; not blindly accepting every detail that comes out of hypnosis as
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actual truth, but rather integrating those perceptions and observations
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into an acceptable level of compatability with my life. In either case,
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the prospect of an unknown entities, whether earthly or extraterrestrial,
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coming into the homes of people and abducting them for unknown purposes
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is truly amazing and at times frightening. It is possibly the most
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important happening since human creation. I know that I personally cannot
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sit on the sidelines and wait for something to take place. We all must
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make every effort to understand as much as possible of the enigma.
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Perhaps we may find nothing that fits our level of comprehension. But,
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isn't that the beginning of understanding? To wonder?
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Copyright 1990
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Michael S. Carter
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**********************************************
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* THE U.F.O. BBS - http://www.ufobbs.com/ufo *
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