77 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
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Beaver - Gone Bad!!
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A mini-manuscript by Pete Stocton and Baron Von Crash.
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Scene ONE:
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Wally and Beaver in bed, lights out.
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Beaver: Hey Wally....
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Wally: Yea Beave?
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Beaver:How come is it there's a green lady with red spots dancing on my face?
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Wally: Gee Beave...Are you fucked up AGAIN??
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Beaver: Yea, I guess I kinda ate some purple microdots and junk....
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Wally: Aw heck, Beave, that's just about the worst thing a guy could do.
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Beaver: Yea, I guess a sorta got carr- Hey Wally! Cut that out! Stay in focus!!
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Wally: I ain't doin' nothin'. Boy are you gonna get it when Mom and Dad find
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out!
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Beaver: [(Sounds like...)Editors' note...] Crocka locka fishwife, pornographic
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priestesses!!
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Wally: Y'know, Beave, that stuff causes brain damage and stuff...
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Beaver: Aw gee...I know that, but Wally....Huh huh...Golly Wally, Wally, huh...
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(Beaver explodes into uncontrollable laughter...)
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Wally: Aw C'mon, Beave, let a guy get some sleep, will ya?
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(Pause)
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Beaver: Hey Wally...
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Wally: What is it NOW, Beave?
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Beaver: D'ya think Eddie Haskel has some kinda phallic fixation on account of
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him always bein' nice to Mom? Mabye it's kinda indicative of some type
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of Oedepial hangup or somethin'.
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Wally: Aw, heck no Beave, Freud's a creep.
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Beaver: Yeah, I guess so. Hey Wally, D'ya think Mom snapped to that flashback
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I had at supper?
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Wally: Well, Gee Beave...Worms in the butter and all, that's pretty wierd.
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Beaver: Yeah, I guess so. Hey Wally, D'ya think I'm gonna go to jail and all?
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Wally: Heck yea, Beave. Everybody knows that you're gonna end up a chemical
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waste dump and mug old ladies and junk.
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Beaver: Gee, Wally, D'ya think that Mom and Dad won't let me play baseball
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anymore if I get busted?
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Wally: Heck, Beave, You'll go to jail and everything...Y'know, the Big House.
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Beaver: Gee Wally, D'ya think it's gonna be tough?
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Wally: Aw heck, Beave, they'll pass you around for a pack of smokes.
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Beaver: Gee, Wally, I sure don't want to be no kind of sexual plaything or
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nothin' creepy like that...
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(Wally makes wierd noises)
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Beaver: Whad'ja say, Wally?
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Wally: I didn't say nothin', Beave, you're still trippin hard.
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Beaver: Yeah, I guess so.
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(Wally makes wierd noises again)
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Beaver: Wally, Did you just hear anything? Wally? Wally!!?!
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Wally: Heck no, Beave, go to sleep.
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Beaver: Wally!! Laughing fish are eating our furniture!! And Giant electric
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space babies!!
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Wally: Cut it out, Beave, your'e just having a bum trip.
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Beaver: Hey Wally, Mom's gonna come in here and ask me a bunch of wierd
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questions and junk. I just know it. And then she's gonna ask me a
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bunch more questions and look in my eyes.
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Wally: Calm down, Beave. Mom and Dad are asleep. Your'e just paranoid, that's
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all. So just go to sleep.
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Beaver: Ok. G'night, Wally..
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Wally: G'night, Beave.
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(time passes)
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Beaver: Uh..Wally?
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Wally: WHAT NOW, Beaver??
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Beaver: Uh...I guess I kinds ate a couplea boxes of No-Doze and junk....
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Wally: "...."
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Beaver: Wally? Wally? Wally!?!??
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The End.......?
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Editor's note: Theodore Cleaver, I.E. "The Beaver", is now doing time for
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trafficking narcotics and first degree murder for "murder by blathering".
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He was passed around his cell the evening of his arrest for a pack of smokes.
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