textfiles/sex/EROTICA/R/rapefant.txt

Archive-name: Violent/rapefant.txt
Archive-author: Uwasa Adonisgi 
Archive-title: Rape Fantasy, A


     I began the walk home, dreading it. It is so far, through the darkened
heart of campus, deserted during this holiday weekend. I trudged under 
the arches, a brief glimmering smile at their legend, and tucked my head
against the whipping wind. 
     My mind drifted, stopping on this, pausing on that. It was all a hazy
dream, thinking of my bed, which was calling out to me from the distance.
Thinking of how the day had been, of work and my classes and my parents and
friends. And yet, thinking of nothing. My mind already traversed the realms
that lay ahead. I was asleep on my feet, depending on instinct to guide me 
home. 
     The harsh braying of the bell sharply woke me from my trance. It's dull
clanging penetrated the still night air. I was suprised that someone else
was awake at this time of night. Someone with the drive to ring the bell. I
shrugged, paused in my step, then resumed, quickening the pace. Probably some
drunk frat boys, I mummble to myself. 
     I heard the crunch of foot upon gravel, but couldn't see anyone over
there. Taking a deep breath, not breaking stride, I ignored it. Fear works
only when you are alone. . . . 
     As I passed the law building, I became aware of several people hanging 
out at the stairs that come up onto street level. As I neared, I could smell
the alcohol. They were reeking it. I tucked my coat around myself, trying 
to hide, but kept walking. They became aware of me: I didn't realise that
I couldn't get past them without a scene until it was too late. 
    'Hey.', the closest one said, wittily. If you could slur a 'Hey', he did.
    I kept up a steady walk hoping to get past them, crowding towards the
edge of the sidewalk.
    'I said 'Hey.'', he snarled angrily, the intoxication welling in his
voice.
    There were maybe four others, some holding bottles, sitting on the steps,
in the shadows. The ground contained several bottles, mostly empty, some
broken. 'What a strange place to drink', I thought to myself, but was promptly
jarred out of my thought when the foremost one, who has spoken, grabbed my
arm.
    Panicking, I tried to shake him off but couldn't loosen his increasingly
firm grip on my upper arm. I looked at him closely for the first time. He
was big. I dug the fingernails of my free hand into the wrist he was holding
me with. He grunted, dropped the bottle he had, and pounded my face with the
back of his hand. I was flung to the ground, dazed, reeling from the blow - 
my face was numb from the sudden force applied to my cold cheek. 
    'Bitch!' I heard from his direction, me eyes were closed. I felt my arms
grabbed, and as I re-opened my eyes I was hurled to my feet. 
    He had a hand on each arm. I was limp, still dazed, and he tossed me to
two of his friends. They caught me, twisting my arms, and I opened my mouth,
a small protest escaping my lungs. 
    'Shut up!', he commanded, backhanding me harder than the first time, I
was held up, my legs completely going out, body becoming limp. 
    They pulled me down the stairs quickly, my feet bouncing, as I tried to
scream for help. Someone behind me got a fistfull of hair, and a hand clamped
down on my jaw. Someone else grabbed my legs, holding them firmly together. 
All of this registered in a instant, and I realised that I was about to be
raped. 
    The big one was there in my face again, I could smell him, hear his coarse
breathing, sense him through half-closed eyes.
    He grabbed my skirt, savagely tearing it as he ripped it off of me. Panties
went just as quick, a little more painfully, and then I was open to him.
    Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't twist or move. I tried to open my
mouth but there were no words. I gurgled in my throat, shutted my eyes, and
heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper.
    Fingertips ran through my pubic hair, pulling cruely. I gasped, tried to
move my hips, turn away, but they pried my legs open. 
    Panicking. Escape. help. tears and more tears. 
    He entered me. I could barely gasp, tears rolling down my cheeks from
closed eyes, feeling his breath upon my neck, smelling the awful gut-wrenching
smell of beer, being crushed by his chest.
    Biting into my neck, hands hitting on my head, groping at my chest, and
all the time the pumping, pulsing, as I felt my body being violated, intruded.
As I felt this strange man inside of me.
    Wondering at the terror. Oh why oh why me? what did I do? when will I
be free of him his breath the foul breath the smell the stench the close
touching the tears down my face the teeth hands oh! I'm hit again and again.
    This man this dick inside me in out in out driving me insane, please!
don't! Help! Oh god! What did I do? why me oh what for the pain the feeling.
ashamed for what I am. no no please why can't you no I don't help ouch my
head arm tears please twisting turning trying to hide can't feeling Why do
I feel? Can't I die no more no more thrusting breathing let me go please 
crying crying the smell. The touch the cruel hands all over me and feeling
and thrusting and banging and will it ever end be over please why was I
bad? did I bring it on oh! my arms legs. pinching ripping losing what I had 
mine no more and it's hurting hurting why can't I speak no words oooo my
hair my tears my body no longer whole and the thrusting the awful pushing 
will never stop oh please stop. and breath and wet on me and smell the beer
oh! stop please what can I why no awful feeling die. somehow despairing
let go my hair my beauty myself once no longer help! tears and pain and
chest and pushing and dry and lolling and god! Why did I do it? it's not
good and hiding helping please let it end why living no more head hurting 
breath pounding out of it breath breath lungs! throat oh! hide help pushing
thrusting all I am and he's yes he's thrusting and crying tears and coming
it'll be over. yes why I don't know pain bricks stairs pain hurting beer
broken cut blood my oh! the smell the horror he's over finished and why on
my knees and gone. no more never feel pain forever bleeding wrenching hiding
lonely crying because no one can see it alone pain glass broken bleeding 
why please desperate oh ugg am I here why feeling I'd die I want it oh 
please awful death please god! no more pain crying tears and tears and the 
floor and huddled and lonely so cold.
    Arms arms around me blanket warmth. why? what did I do tears. holding
me caressing me touching me I don't want it let me away but warm soft strong
the smell is gone. I'm back. it's me I'm here.  He's kissing me and walking
me and oh! it was terrible forever alone why the smell the awful smell but
not now it's no more. he's talking calming oh! can't I hear. 'that's rape'
he's saying.
    'that's real rape.'
    'it's what you wanted.'
    Nodding yes I wanted it was bad the smell forever in my mind the smell
and touching and thrusting and tears. . . . 
    I wake up later. Home. 
    Tears there, the smell. Oh no not again why?
    But it's not real.
    On the couch with him, a blanket holding me.
    'Was that enough?', he is asking.
    'More than.', I reply, shaking. Wondering why I wanted it, what it
was. . . . 
    'Only a fantasy.', he says.
    'Yes.', I reply, 'Mine.'
    wanted it. I asked him for it. and he did it. with friends.
    I hadn't known it would be like that. . . . 
    'Was it what you expected?', he is asking.
    'Yes, but different, so - ', My voice trails off.
    Shivering holding onto him crying more tears. Endless tears.
    'Thank you.', I sai in between gasps and snivels.
    He kisses me, holding me.
    'I love you.', he says.
    'I love you too.', I reply, weakly, drifting in and out. 
    My god returning. It will never go away never. the touching the 
thrusting the crying tears. hiding forever. Never be the same.
    the smell. the awful smell. . . .

    I'm going to be sick. 


Uwasa Adonisgi 

Sequoyah was always in the wilderness. He walked about, but he was not
a hunter. I wonder what he was looking for. 
 
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