69 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
69 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
Archive-name: Bestial/horsshoe.txt
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Archive-author:
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Archive-title: Bride Wore Horseshoes!, The
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I found the following article in the August 17th issue of Weekly World
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News, a supermarket tabloid.
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THE BRIDE WORE HORSESHOES!
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Banker weds four-legged beauty in Atlanta!
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Bashful bachelor Tyler Gossmo got sick of being kidded because he
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couldn't find a wife, so the fun-loving banker summoned 70 guests to
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an elegant wedding - and said "I do" to a mule named Beulah!
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With dozens of flabbergasted friends and relatives watching in
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stunned silence, tuxedoed Tyler slipped a gold band on his braying
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bride's left front hoof and kissed her tenderly as the preacher
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pronounced them man and nag.
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"It was a gorgeous wedding, absolutely gorgeous - and Beulah was
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simply beautiful," gushed the jubilant groom. "Everybody there said
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it was the most wonderful ceremony they've ever seen."
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Well, not quite everybody.
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"I don't know what's gotten in that boy's head, I really don't,"
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sighed Tyler's mortified mother Dinah as the newlyweds hurried off on
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their honeymoon.
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"I raised that kid to be a serious, responsible citizen, and then I
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have to sit there with all our friends and watch him marry a mule, for
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crying out loud. If I'd known what he was going to do, I'd have never
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showed up, I'll tell you that."
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Delighted Tyler, 33, says he decided to make a hay burner his bride
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to end years of kidding from his cronies.
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"Everybody I know is married and the truth is, I'm usually too shy
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even to get a date," the mischievous businessman told reporters at his
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home outside Atlanta.
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"So my friends are always bugging me about it, asking me when I'm
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gonna get married and settle down, or razzing me about not having a
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date on Saturday night.
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"Finally I decided I'd put an end to it. I'd read in Weekly World
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News about a guy who married a cow and another guy who married a head
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of lettuce, and I know my cousin had this cute little mule out on his
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farm.
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"I figured I'd marry the mule and shut people up for good."
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So conniving Tyler invited dozens of dumbfounded friends and
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relatives to watch him wed "Beulah Haskins" in a rose garden near his
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home one Saturday afternoon.
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"I played it as straight as I could, with engraved invitations and
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everything," he recalled.
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"Everybody wanted to know what was up, why they hadn't met my
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fiancee. But I told them if they wanted to meet her, they'd just have
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to show up for the wedding."
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And when the big day came, 70 unsuspecting guests did show up - and
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stood stone-silent as embarrassed pastor Delton Eubrey united man and
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mule in holy matrimony.
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"Everybody was so stunned when they saw Beulah walking down the
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aisle with her pretty little veil on that they didn't know what to
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do," tickled Tyler said. "They just stood there, scared to laugh or
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cry for fear of hurting my feelings.
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"But the poor preacher was the one who was really squirming.
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"He said it was the first time he'd ever tried to get a mule to say
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I do - and by God, it was going to be his last."
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+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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Hmmm. Wish I had thought of marrying my pony before I made the
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mistake of getting a human wife. Someday, though...... :)
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__ __
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*-(__ Wrangler __)-*
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--
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