294 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
294 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
ADVERTISEMENT
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THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE HOT CHATTER
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ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF THE GREATEST GIFT FOR THE ONLINE HOT CHATTER!
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THE ONE AND ONLY GENUINE
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HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY
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Brought to you by: KINKS ARE US Inc.
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This toy is the ULTIMATE gift for your hot-chat lover/lovers. A perfect
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companion to the personal computers which you keep hidden in dark rooms for
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your hot chat specials.
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It comes with several options and peripherals. This depends on your
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preference, as with all personal computer peripherals. It needs no cus-
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tomization for those who have either no particular or constantly changing
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sexual preferences; it can be BI/GAY/HETERO without any special require-
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ments.
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For this short time only, and for those who wish to test this product
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for suitability, we are offering it as a special to you notable hot
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chatters! Come out of that dark closet and show your new toy to your
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friends! Come out and enjoy the freedom of the open hot chat and group
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grope chats!
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Let us describe the wonders of this new invention by KINKS ARE US Inc.
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These are just the main points of our new product. The new HOT CHAT RUBBER
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DOLLY comes complete with all the attachments necessary to start hot
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chatting immediately! Everything is activated by certain key phrases which
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the interface (provided for IBM/PC/AT, AMIGA 1000 & 2000, MAC II). As an
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example the key word "I am getting really hot" will immediately raise the
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temperature of the rubber dolly by approximately 5 degrees.
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A listing of other properties and sample commands are also listed
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following this short advertisement. This should bring a whole new dimension
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to the term "HOT CHAT" on any system, especially when both parties are
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using this new HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY. If nothing else it will serve as a
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good topic of conversation during those dull, ho-hum orgies that the very
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jaded are occasionally invited to! So liven up your online life with the
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NEW and EXCITING HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY. Order yours while supplies last!
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Orders can be sent to: KINKS ARE US Inc.
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The HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD) is easily installed in
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any personal computer that supports both a serial and
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parallel port. Or, with an optional controller board
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which is dedicated to the HCRD.
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The HCRD itself either straddles or can be configured to
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cover the Video Display unit. Input/Output of the unit
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can be done through the keyboard or the feedback loop of
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the HCRD. For example, touching the TIT unit on the
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female HCRD will cause the words "I am fondling your
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tits" to be sent out to the remote unit. The same applies
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to touching the male genitalia on the male HCRD. There-
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fore, for the experienced mouse user, this should present
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no problem at all. A touch and feel can now be easily
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transmitted through the action, rather than the severely
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limiting "type and pretend" method.
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Certain key phrases, such as "I am horny", will automati-
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cally set the HCRD to exude pheromones (whatever the
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scientists call that hormone for sexual attraction) and,
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in the case of the female rubber dolly, to secrete Wesson
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Oil through the thin latex material that comprises its
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artificial vagina. For those females/males that will have
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the male model, it is advisable to wear the goggles upon
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the initial conversation, since the above-mentioned key
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phrase may cause an immediate reaction from the HCRD,
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making the male protuberance to pop out from the screen
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and hit the user who sits too close to the screen in the
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eyes.
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To ensure the continued quality of the parts of the HCRD
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we recommend that the owner only use Wesson Oil on the
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female and real cream for the male ejaculatory system.
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For cleaning, we suggest that the HCRD be inflated
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manually and taken to the shower/bath with the owner.
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(Batteries should be removed).
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As a service to those who log on too early or too late to
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find a hot chat, we have included free of charge the
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GENDER CHANGER/AUTOFEEDBACK option for a limited time.
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This option is normally a $9,000.00 option, but for the
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first 100 orders, they will be FREE!!!
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The following have given testimonials as to the effec-
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tiveness of the HCRD. These testimonials were in no way
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induced by the fact that we gave them stock for the use
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of their names on this advertisement.
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IT'S BETTER THAN NO DATE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, AND UNLIKE
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WOODY ALLEN SAYS YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BI TO INCREASE YOUR
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CHANCES.
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Dr. R.U. HONKER
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I never thought I would need one until I tested it.
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Dr. I.M. Blind
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HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY
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1. Command Summary:
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a) "I am hot for you" - raises temperature of receiving HOT
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CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD) by 5 degree increments or until
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total system meltdown. (Please consult your computer
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users' manual for this figure).
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b) "I am a blonde" - Blonde hair piece automatically starts
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growing from HCRD's head. Hair length is controlled by
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other keywords too numerous to mention.
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c) "I am a female [height][weight][bust][waist][hip]" -
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immediately inflates/deflates optional area. Default set
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by receiving party.
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d) "I am so [wet]/[hard]" - causes Wesson Oil to seep out
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of HCRD's artificial female genitalia; in male HCRD
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causes <ahem> to seep out of artificial genitalia.
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e) "I am getting [wet]/[hard]" - increases the lubrication
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or turgidity by increments of 10% until either blow up
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of male HCRD protuberance or drying up of Wesson Oil
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reservoir in female HCRD.
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f) "Play with my [bodily part]" - will immediately set
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blinking LED's on the affected part of the body. The
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LED's can only be turned off by the remote Hot Chat
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person.
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These are only a sampling of the commands of your HCRD.
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Commands can be threaded to afford a series of actions to
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be demonstrated by the remote HCRD.
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Commands to request a hot chat such as "I AM REALLY SUPER
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HOT AND GETTING HOTTER IF YOU TOUCH MY [CENSORED] WHILE I
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NIBBLE ON YOUR [CENSORED] AND I CAN FEEL YOU GETTING
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[WET/HARD] AS I FEEL YOUR [CENSORED] WHEN YOU WIGGLE MY
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[CENSORED] AND THINGS ARE GETTING SUPER HARD AS YOU
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[CENSORED]" can overload an HCRD immediately, hence
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practice is called for before attempting a request
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online.
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OPTIONS:
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1. COLD WATER DOUSER: required to cool down the opposite
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side. Also starts the refrigeration unit to ensure cool
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running of the computer during lengthy hot chat ses-
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sions. If used improperly, this command can cause the
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HCRD to collapse completely, as if given a total put
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down.
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2. LATEX KEYBOARD COVER: a covering of pure LATEX for the
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keyboard. This ensures that the PC keyboard remains high
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and dry so that the user can log off the computer system
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therefore saving money for future hot chats.
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3. BATTERY BACKUP UNIT: a heavy duty battery backup unit to
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run both the PC and HCRD during periods of unreliable
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power for up to 4 hours which is time enough for even
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the marathon hot chatter.
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4. SHEEP SKIN COMPUTER SEAT COVER: To soak up all those
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juices that may pour forth during a session. Plus (only
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on initial 199 orders) a free mount for the fake sexual
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organ of your choice. This can also be controlled by the
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remote sender/chatter. As an added PLUS, the attached
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units can be varied in size for the dainty and the
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gross. So, mount your chair and HOT CHAT!
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ORDER YOURS NOW WHILE INITIAL SUPPLIES LAST.
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KINKS ARE US Inc.
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Not sold at K-MART or any other store. for $9.95
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_______________________________________________________________
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ADVERTISEMENT #2
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A New Product has been brought into being by the research staff of KRU
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Inc. ... a product that is so revolutionary and specific-market-oriented
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that it will take the public by storm.
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ANNOUNCING the arrival of the:
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WESTERN HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY KIT
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Brought to you by:
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KINKS ARE US Inc.
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It has been brought to our attention that we have been ignoring a
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certain market area which, up to this time, has been sorely neglected. For
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this reason, we bring you the one and only WESTERN HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY
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KIT (WHCRD). This is a companion kit to our HOT CHAT RUBBER DOLLY (HCRD).
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The WHCRD not only incorporates the HCRD but adds some extra features our
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western fanciers may like.
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This new product line consists of the Basic HCRD and some added extra
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features which, for a limited time, will be available without the HCRD unit
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for those that may wish to upgrade their HCRD's. The new product consists
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of the following:
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1. Patent leather saddle with velvet underlining, complete
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with all the utilities for riding a horse in patent
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leather. The bit is made of genuine India rubber of the
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highest quality (as with the HCRD chair this will also
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incorporate a sexual organ adapter for those who ride
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alone)
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2. Patent leather cowboy boots with 6-inch spiked heels
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3. Silk lasso rope and tassels
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4. Chinchilla fur vest with western motif embroidery
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5. Rubber-tipped spurs (silver or gold on request)
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6. Mink-covered bullwhip tipped with ermine tail.
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7. Sheepskin horse blanket
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8. The new HOT CHAT RUBBER HORSE (HCRH) (optional)
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9. Crotch-less suede cowboy pants (cod-piece for males
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optional)
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10. Velvet chaps.
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We have improved the software for the HCRD units to incorporate control
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of the Saddle. For those of you who have bought the HCRH option an
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elongated cable plus additional software is also added.
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Some of the added features now include: Fully functional speed control
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of the Saddle and attached sexual organs; fur lining on all saddle and tack
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equipment.
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The HCRH also contains fully functional sexual organs for those who are
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interested in such amenities. Speed can be adjusted from a mild canter to
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a full gallop. However, we urge the beginners to try no faster than a
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walk.
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So now all you western fans can play western love scenes with your
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favorite hot chat partners without leaving the confines of your suburbia
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homes. Just imagine the feel and comfort of riding without any of the nasty
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bugs and dirty fallen leaves getting into your most intimate places. This
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is the Western HOT CHAT dream come true.
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Included with the kit are safety features as required by OSHA and by
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Surgeon General Koop. Hence, we have added seat belts to ensure that our
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beloved customers do not fall out of the saddle during a heated exchange.
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Air bags are optional and are only available with the HCRH unit. In
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keeping with the spirit of "SAFE SEX" as outlined by the Surgeon General,
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we have added a special pouch in the saddle to accommodate two dozen
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prophylactics of your favorite brand.
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For the beginner we have added a WHCRD tutorial to prevent mishaps.
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These include such things as: how to mount your saddle and how to ride
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double with the HCRD unit. As with today's society we ensure that safety
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comes first.
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So now, our western customers can now enjoy such true to life expres-
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sions as "Ride me hard, oh babeeee" and "Back in the saddle again" or
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"Riding off into hot chat sunset".
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This advertisement has been brought to you by the kinky
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folks of the KINKS ARE US Inc.
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