105 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
Archive-name: Bondage/airport.txt
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Archive-author:
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Archive-title: Airport Saga, The
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Greetings, all. fanny here.
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I went to the airport to pick up a friend from his trip. I got to the
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electronic boothy thing that xrays purses and carry-ons and that checks
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your bod for metal. Anyway, I walked thru just fine, but they took a long
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time checkin' out the images in my purse. Instead of giving me my purse
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back when they were done, they handed it to a security guard.
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"Do you have a problem?" I asked.
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"Talk to him about it, Ma'am" and he handed my purse to the
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mega-guard.
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He then proceeds to take everything out of my purse. Even the
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lint. Whatta jerk. He gets to my key ring and asks,
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"What's this, Ma'am?"
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"They're keys."
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"No, I mean these." And he points to the little cuffs I have
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hooked on my keyring.
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"It's a key chain. A novelty item."
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"Hey, Bill, look at these thumbcuffs!" and mega-guard calls over
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his croney. "These are thumbcuffs, right Bill?"
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"Yep. They are," said Bill the dimwit.
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"No, they're NOT!" I insist. "They are a toy! A gimmick! I've
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been in and out of this airport THREE TIMES in the last month, and I've
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NEVER been stopped like this before!" I'm angry now. I'm talking thru
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clenched teeth.
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"Sorry, Ma'am, but you can't go into the airport with these."
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(if he calls me "ma'am" one more time, he'll never father children)
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Ok, so I collect myself. I'll see if I can reason with this guy.
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Afterall, he's trying to do his job.
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"Look, these are not weapons. I have a swiss army knife that you
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allowed, but these trinkets are considered more threatening? C'mon, you
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know better than that."
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"Sorry, Ma'am...
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(grrrrrr!!!)
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... but, you can't take these in. You have to leave them outside
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the gates."
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I'm tired of arguing with this guy. He's not gonna give up or give
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in.
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I tell him, "Fine, you hold on to these. I'll be back in 15
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minutes." And I start stuffing everything else back into my bag.
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"No, Ma'am, we can't do that. You have to give them to someone
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else to hold on to."
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"I WHAT??!!?" My tone is markedly louder.
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"You have to give them to someone else to hold on to. We can't
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keep them here."
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"This is INSANE! I don't know anyone in this damn airport! What
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the hell do you suggest!??"
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"Give them to a vendor to hold on to."
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"FINE! If that's what will get you to let me into this airport,
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I'll do JUST THAT! And give me your full name NOW!" He hands everything
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back to me, gives me his name, and escorts me from the area. I storm away
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and find the first open vendor. It's already after 9pm on a Sunday night,
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and most have closed shop. I give my sob story to the fresh fruit and
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nuts guy and he gladly holds on to the "weapons." Sheesh!
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So, I return and smuggly toss my purse on the xray conveyor belt.
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I charge thru the detectors again. And they look VERY CLOSELY at the image
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of my purse. They reluctently hand me my purse.
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"THANK YOU!" I hiss and go off to the gate.
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My friend's flight came in fine, but we have to go back out past my
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"buddies" to get to the baggage claim area. I leer at them venomously when
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I see them. I rush over to claim my 'contraband' and the guy at the counter
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recognizes me immediately. He gets 'em out of his pocket and places them
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in my hand. But then, he holds them in my hand for a longer-than-he-
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should-have moment. He stares at me, still holding my hand, and whispers,
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"Oh, my name is Kenneth. What's your name."
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I pause... smile... and tell him, "You can call me Ma'am."
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I grab the cuffs, remove his hand from mine, and make it back just
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in time to help my friend with his luggage.
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--
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